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+---- Thread: self-inflicted scars (/showthread.php?tid=5142)
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RE: self-inflicted scars - Aamu - 03-31-2021
He hasn't thought of it like that: that soft values might've been the reason he was asked to perform that task. It doesn't strike him as quite the Voicey thing to do—he'd spent his time musing about the limitations of her power instead, that it was something she simply couldn't do, for some reason. [say]"Probably,"[/say] he says hesitantly after a moment. And yet.. Ascended didn't seem quite so controversial these days. [say]"It's not something I would've thought she'd.. take into consideration. I mean—she's far from heartless, just practical. Maybe there was something else she had to do at the same time."[/say]
It takes him a little by surprise how relieved he is to hear she'd make the same choice again. In a world that demonizes you it easy to start to doubt. [say]"I'm really glad to hear that, actually,"[/say] he says, still soft, looking back to the clean windowsill as if a little ashamed of this momentary weakness.
His own Ascension, though... A crooked little smile makes its way onto his face as he peeks up at her. They are fond memories of better times. [say]"Oh, I remember. The Voice was a friend of mine. We'd talked a fair bit about it while she was working on the process, and when she felt confident in it..."[/say] He shrugs, slightly. [say]"It seemed natural to go through with it, when she offered."[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Isla - 04-01-2021
[say]"Then perhaps it was practical,"[/say] Isla muses as she works. [say]"Delegation is a practical thing to do, no?"[/say] She smiles across at him, subconsciously trying to cheer him up. Aamu, far from being the mercurial, ethereal saviour that Isla had seen leading them back towards salvation, has proven himself more gentle and empathetic than the medic could have thought possible. He reminds her of Sam, in some ways. [say]"You are?"[/say] She wonders how many must have regretted their decision, to make him sound so relieved. It isn't her place to ask, though.
Isla freezes, visibly dumbfounded to hear that he does remember. Not only that, but he knew the Voice before she was the Voice. Her jaw drops and she can't help the smile creeping across her face. [say]"Wow,"[/say] she breathes. [say]"That's amazing. Are you... I mean, what was she like, back then? Do you think she remembers that you were friends?"[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Aamu - 04-02-2021
[say]"It is,"[/say] he agrees, though something about it makes him feel a little uncomfortable. What does he know, truly? It's been three hundred years—she might've changed more than he can imagine (because he can't imagine three hundred years; he feels impossibly old at nearly fifty). The Voice he remembers might not be The Voice who nurtures them now.
He doesn't know what else to say though, merely nods with a bit of a hum. But when he speaks of his past, there's something in the silence, and when he sees the expression spreading on the face he blinks a couple of times, as if confused. Then again—three hundred years. Of course none of them had known her. His confusion gives way to a soft smile.
[say]"I think so,"[/say] he says after a moment, looking down at the rag in his hand again. [say]"Of course—when she became the Voice, she.. changed. You can't become a God and not change. But I am quite sure she still remembers me, that I meant something to her in the past, even after all these years."[/say] He looks back up again, leans his clean, Infirmary-robed butt against the windowsill. Smiles slightly. [say]"She was human then. That's honestly the best way to describe the difference. She loved the research she was doing, and if you asked and just listened it was infectious. That—that's kind of how I got to know her, I guess."[/say] He pauses for a moment, focuses his blue eyes on her. [say]"In some ways, you remind me of her."[/say]
Slowly, his head tilts to the side. He hesitates. Asks anyway. [say]"What.. what is she like, now?"[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Isla - 04-02-2021
Isla is caught in thrall as Aamu speaks about their goddess, about how she was before she became The Voice. Her chores are forgotten, and she pauses to turn and look at him with curiosity burning in her blue eyes. [say]"That's incredible,"[/say] she murmurs. [say]"Was it here, at the Hollowed Grounds?"[/say] she wonders, not necessarily expecting an answer - it's more of a question to herself in fact.
Blinking herself back to attention when he compares her to the Voice, her eyebrows raise, Isla coming back to herself enough to keep cleaning the window sill. [say]"How do you mean?"[/say] she asks, tilting her head. As for how the goddess is now? [say]"I confess, I've only actually met her once, properly. When I Ascended. She was... wonderful. Analytical but compassionate. Logical, but not cold. It was a privilege to spend that time with her."[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Aamu - 04-03-2021
One thing he consistently can't remember is what the Hollowed Grounds looked like in their heyday, and what their name had been. The scenery is constantly mixed up with the Stormbreak of his childhood, until he can't tell one from the other, or if he's painting his memories in the familiar venues of Stormbreak. [say]"Probably?"[/say] he offers quietly, unsure again. [say]"For some reason this place is really difficult for me to remember."[/say] But it doesn't seem unreasonable that it was here.
[say]"Well... You're both very passionate about what you're doing. You practically live here, don't you? You're curious, eager to learn, happy to help and share. In those ways you are quite similar."[/say] As if a little flustered by this comparison Aamu looks down at his hands. It is difficult to properly put into words, but he hopes she'll understand what he's getting at.
When she speaks of her Ascension Aamu feels another smile creep onto his face, another sense of relief blossoming in his chest. Not only that Isla likes her, but the fact that she sounds much the same. [say]"That sounds like the Voice I remember,"[/say] he says, the relief audible in his voice.
RE: self-inflicted scars - Isla - 04-05-2021
Bad memories can do that, Isla wants to say, because it's true. But she also gets the impression that it won't do much to cheer Aamu up, so she keeps it to herself. [say]"It has only been a season,"[/say] she offers instead. [say]"Perhaps over time it will start to come back to you. Also, if it looked a lot different to before, I imagine that it probably doesn't look like any of your memories."[/say] It might be difficult for Aamu to recall something without any visual prompts.
They are both flustered by what Isla realises is (or takes as) a compliment, and she shrugs her shoulders with a soft smile. [say]"It's true. Without a need for sleep I often find myself here throughout the night and up until dawn the next day. In that way, then, I'm proud to be compared to the Voice."[/say] She glances up in time to see her smile echoed on Aamu's face, Isla letting out a laugh and finishing up her window sill. [say]"That is good to know. Hopefully you can meet with her soon, and have a real conversation about things."[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Aamu - 04-05-2021
Has it only been a season? It feels like so much longer—maybe because he does not know the three hundred years in between, just moved from one second to the next. From one war to another. Paid the road toll in memories.
[say]"You're probably right,"[/say] he says after a moment, trying to take some small heart in her words. She would know better, wouldn't she? She's the doctor, after all. [say]"It used to be a city, like.. y'know, the 'capital' of the east? Like Haulani is for Torchline. So you had that, the Citadel, Stormbreak, and .. whatever this place used to be called."[/say] His smile is vague and sad. Surely it should be recorded somewhere, unless the Order saw fit to purge all mention of it from the history books. [say]"But all I can envision is Stormbreak."[/say]
He doesn't know what else to say without making it actually awkward. She seems to have understood the parallel, and he feels like that's more than he could've asked for. So his response is merely a shy smile, a little light in his eyes.
[say]"I hope so too. I think... it would be nice."[/say] The next he adds after a second, in a quieter voice. [say]"And probably be good for me."[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Isla - 04-05-2021
Aamu is a treasure trove of information, and given that Isla knows so little about the world before the Hollowed Grounds, before the barrier, anything he might remember is considered very valuable indeed. [say]"Stormbreak,"[/say] she repeats, having heard so much about this place of dreams (or nightmares, depending on who you ask) without ever knowing what it might be like. Stepping back from the windows, she cleans off the last cloth and sets them out to dry.
[say]"Would you like to go for a walk with me? You can tell me all about Stormbreak, or the things that you do remember. And you never know - we might find something in the Grounds that brings something back to you."[/say] Glancing around the infirmary, Isla shoots him a secretive grin. [say]"Between you and me, I really have spent too long here. I could use a little break."[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Aamu - 04-05-2021
Stormbreak indeed: the cradle of the Order, the self-righteous Accepted lording over Caido from their perch up on high. The root of so much misery and suffering. He's surprised she's curious about it, and perhaps it shows on his face, in the slight lift of his brow.
Then he laughs, softly, gently. [say]"Then maybe it is best I rescue you from here,"[/say] he offers. And if he hesitates, it is only because he knows that out there, he cannot forget any longer, cannot pretend it didn't happen, because the dead still litter the burnt streets and the distant, reeking memory of smoke hangs in the air. Perhaps, if they are careful where they walk...
He makes his way through the clean Infirmary to the door, holding it up for Isla to release them into the filthy, sooty world beyond. He is silent as they pass through the Temple, and once outside he turns away from the Settlement, where most of the destruction seems to be. Aside from not wanting to go there he is content to let Isla steer them, or merely to wander where their feet take them.
[say]"I was born in Stormbreak,"[/say] he finally says, when the words have built up in the back of his throat for too long. [say]"An Accepted, of course. There were no Ascended, and no Order, but Stormbreak believed in their own superiority anyway, even back then."[/say] If he sounds a little bitter, it is because he is. [say]"I think they've been the capital of Caido since it was formed."[/say] He glances at her. [say]"Where are you from? The Grounds?"[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Isla - 04-08-2021
She catches the look on his face, offering a grin to him and shrugging her shoulders. [say]"I have a friend who lives there. He didn't used to, but things change I guess. I know I will never be able to go, so I was trying to figure out what it might look like."[/say] Not that Aamu would be able to tell her anything recent, but it's worth a try, right? Making sure that everything is clean and tidied away, she follows her fellow Ascended to the door and heads back out, from bright and sterile surroundings to the sooty reality of the Grounds.
She steers them away from the streets or anything that might remind them of what happened at LongNight, preferring the grasses and the fields. Something fresh, where the smoke on the air doesn't seem so thick, even if you can still smell it. Falling into step with Aamu, her eyebrows raise as he starts to speak again. [say]"Eesh. It sounds delightful"[/say] she murmurs. [say]"I wasn't even born in Caido,"[/say] she says slowly. [say]"I am an Outlander, from a place called Northwind. Or... Northaven, we ended up at eventually. I barely remember it now, to be honest."[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Aamu - 04-18-2021
He laughs softly at her reaction: delightful is a good word to describe it, but as much as he agrees it is tinged with sadness. Thinking about what she said previously he knows that he cannot go there either, and even though he made his choices long ago it's still not entirely without regret. It's an old, familiar pain.
[say]"What?"[/say] he breathes, twisting slightly to stare at her. Of course he knows about the Outlanders (and he's met more than he knows of them), but she is the first to actually speak of it. Yet his reaction is relatively short-lived, dying out in something both bitter and amused. [say]"That's a shame, but I suppose it puts is in the same boat. I remember some things, though. Truly, Stormbreak is a wonder of art, and.. a city touched by the gods. All is made by hand—it makes the buildings and statues more impressive, when you think about the toil and skill it requires."[/say] What the Acquired could raise in a day by magic, the Accepted labored with for days and weeks and seasons. [say]"And the Celestine.. oh, I wish I could take you there. They are the most beautiful gardens I've ever seen, to the point that I don't even care that they're Safrin's."[/say]
These, these are the things he misses, and mourns: the beauty he appreciated, but cannot behold again.
RE: self-inflicted scars - Isla - 04-19-2021
[say]"It isn't that much of a shame, honestly,"[/say] Isla admits. [say]"What I do remember of it is just... war. Northwind was at war with its neighbouring kingdoms, and I was a field medic for the effort. When things got too bad to become sustainable, our archmages created a portal to a new land for us to try and settle in. Northaven, they called it. All I remember from that place is a large wall..."[/say] The Wall. [say]"It blocked off the settlement from the rest of... wherever it was Northaven had been based."[/say]
Isla shivers but she can't put her finger on why, and glances back at Aamu with almost a grateful smile as he speaks instead of Stormbreak. And honestly, it doesn't sound so bad when he mentions the positives, and Isla is reminded again that a place does now exist that is wholly bad or wholly good. It's all shades of grey; xenophobic and beautiful gardens. [say]"All by hand..."[/say] she muses, before glancing back at Aamu. [say]"Do you think we could ever make the Grounds like that? It's been ruins for so long, but I imagine it used to be quite beautiful."[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Aamu - 04-24-2021
[say]"War is terrible,"[/say] he says softly. Ascended soldiers are different, not quite so messy when they break, but he's seen enough of the misery to pity the medics. No wonder she seems so capable, if she has lived through that kind of hell.
The rest of her story is equal parts curious and disturbing. He wants to ask more, but what's the point if she doesn't know the answers anyway? Much as he despises unsolved mysteries some of them are just that: unsolvable.
[say]"If we tried,"[/say] he finally says, wandering among the ruins. [say]"It used to be grand, a thriving, bustling city, made from magic and vision. It was just kind of natural for the Acquired to gather here."[/say] Carefully he glances around, wishing to avoid looking at direct signs of the last, long night. [say]"But now it seems quite content to remain a bit of a broken skeleton."[/say]
RE: self-inflicted scars - Isla - 04-26-2021
Isla, insatiable for knowledge and curious as they come, can only agree. She will never know the mystery that veiled Northaven, or the reason for the Wall's existence, the enemies it was keeping out (or keeping in, perhaps). [say]"It really is,"[/say] she says of war. And yet some might say it was inevitable; either way, as they stroll out towards the fields with the Grounds at their backs, she can't help but already feel tired of any fighting sure to come.
Chewing at the inside of her cheek, she strolls backwards, huffing out a breath that's absolutely not needed, but feeling the weight of her city's skeleton on her shoulders nonetheless. [say]"We ought to do something about it, especially after Deepfrost,"[/say] she murmurs. [say]"I'm sure there must be someone who can help. Perhaps we can even ask the Voice to aid us in our efforts. I'll keep an ear to the ground for builders and carpenters and stonemasons."[/say]