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+---- Thread: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me (/showthread.php?tid=5209)
look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Maeve - 03-12-2021
She can't sleep. She's tired, but she can't make herself lay still long enough to actually rest. So she's walking instead. Not towards anywhere in particular. Maeve stepped off the porch of the Halenani over an hour ago and has been walking since. Through the streets, the markets, and past the warmly lit interiors of the homes of her fellow Torchers. Her feet carry her and her mind wanders. So much has happened in the last few weeks and she's not entirely sure she's taken the time to process it all.
Jack, Delta, Locke, Adam, Aurelia, Rigby, the Wilds, Locke, Sam, Ronin, the Wilds, Aurelia.
It all seems to blur together. So much good and so much bad. She wishes her life would just pick a fucking direction at this rate.
Maeve brings the joint she's smoking up to her lips, taking a long drag from it and blowing the milky white smoke into the night air. She's not been paying attention to where she was going, only just realizing that she's in one of the seedier parts of town. Instantly her shoulders stiffen, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling as her eyes dart from place to place. Why did it feel like someone was watching her?
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Locke - 03-13-2021
That's because she is being watched. He would feel more like a creep if his intentions weren't relatively pure. He likes Maeve, whatever that means. And this isn't the nice part of town. Not that there's really a nice part but this is definitely one of the worst. There are all kinds of ways she could get hurt or scammed or worse. He keeps his distance, trailing along behind her as she seemingly wanders down the roads and back alleys.
He had been on his way home from his latest trip to the beach when he spotted her. He hates how much he thinks about her. He hates that he feels this way, like he needs to make sure she's okay. He let himself get too close and now he's paying the price and it's his fucking sanity. As the monsoons draw closer, he finds himself worrying for her more and more. It pisses him off and he hates everything about it. But she hates the rain and he can't help but wonder how she's doing.
Locke adjusts his hood, unsure if he should keep it up or down. He's well aware how this will look to an outside. Luckily everyone is in bed or out drinking. Or at least that's what he hopes. He swears his intentions are good but who cares about well meaning intentions?
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Maeve - 03-13-2021
Her head turns quickly to look over her shoulder, that icy fear washing over her and making her scalp prickle. Maeve takes a shaky breath, looking ahead again as her head ducks down like she's trying to make herself smaller so she can disappear. The joint finds it way between her lips again and smoke burns the back of her throat with another deep inhale. It does nothing to soothe her frazzled nerves. Her fingers curl into a fist, thumb brushing across the little dagger she has tucked at her hip.
Maeve takes a quick turn down another alley, practically throwing herself into it. She throws another glance over her shoulder, trying to spot anyone following her. There isn't anyone obvious, but the feeling doesn't go away. It just gets worse. Her steps speed up, boots echoing off of the stone walls of the alley as she hurries down the narrow passage. A stack of crates is piled against the wall and she presses herself against the wall behind them, peeking through a crack towards the mouth of the alley. Whoever was following her had something else coming. That was for sure.
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Locke - 03-13-2021
This is fucked up but he's doing this for her safety right? No. He should just leave. The way she looks over her shoulder gives him pause. The last thing he wants is to upset her but he has a feeling he's done that already. His fingers curl into a fist and he's sweating. Why the fuck is he doing this again? Why can't he just call out her name. Surely she'd recognize his voice..
She picks up her pace and he hesitates, unsure if he should keep following. And then she turns down an alley and his curiosity gets the better of him. Except, when he turns the corner, there's no one there. His eyes dart between the walls, not seeing any doors. Did he just.. imagine it? No, he saw her turn down here. Locke stands at the end of the alleyway for a moment before making his way down it.
He's just passed the crates when he feels the dagger press up against him.
[say]"Maeve?"[/say]
Gods he hopes it's her..
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Maeve - 03-13-2021
Oh, it's her alright. Maeve hisses out a breath as she presses the dagger against his side in warning. Not that she would actually do anything to hurt him. She wouldn't. She doesn't want to. There's an odd relief in knowing that it's just him. That it wasn't someone who was going to hurt her physically. Except he hurt her in another way and she's still pissed about that. Still feeling the sting of that rejection or whatever it was. Her voice is low and nowhere near as sweet as it was the last time she spoke to him, [say]"Why the fuck were you following me?"[/say]
Maeve draws the dagger back and gives him a small shove instead as she backs herself up towards the wall. A hand runs through her hair in irritation, disheveling the already messy hurls further. She got it cleaned up since he saw her last. The curls are soft and frame her face naturally, but her eyes are cold. [say]"I thought we were done?"[/say] Maeve doesn't even now why she's saying it. Why she cares. Except she does. She wants answers.
The anger is already starting to fade and instead it's replaced with a weariness that's bone deep, making her sag against the wall. She just wants her bed. She wants sleep. She wants a lot of things. Aurelia, Locke, comfort, love, security, home, all of it.
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Locke - 03-13-2021
He exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding when she pulls the dagger away, dropping his hands to his side as he looks around to see her behind him. Sneaky. Even if her voice is laced with venom, he's glad she's not shanking him. He'd laugh at the shove if it wasn't so clear she was pissed. He turns around to look at her, folding his arms across his chest. A very much mock display of nonchalance. [say]"Was wo-wondering where you were going so late at night. Can't say I'm not curious where you'd be going on this side of town..[/say]" He shrugs, pretending like he doesn't care. Except he does, a lot, too much in fact.
She runs her hand through her hair and it's clear she's had it cleaned up. Probably for the best. He only had a basic grasp on how to do that kind of thing. She looks.. better though. Then again, she always looks good. He raises an eyebrow, [say]"Didn't think there was anything to end."[/say] Even if maybe he wants that? Is that even something she would want? Is that even fair? Like to her?
[say]"You okay? You shouldn't be out here alone."[/say]
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Maeve - 03-13-2021
She lets herself look at him. Her eyes soft and tired. Dark smudges under them that stand out against her pale skin. Maeve slips the dagger back into its sheath and instead her fingers are fumbling for the joint she stubbed out. She doesn't even have a light, but she puts it between her lips anyway. Her eyes close and she lets her head fall back against the wall. [say]"I'm not going anywhere. Just walking. Can't sleep."[/say] It always gets harder for her to sleep this time of year. The storms are a ways off, but they will come. They always come. She's never ready for them.
Didn't think there was anything to end. Fair. Maybe there wasn't, but it felt like something more than just a fuck. Just an exchange of goods and services. Maeve shrugs her shoulders. [say]"Maybe there wasn't, but it didn't seem like nothing, Locke. I guess I just want a bit of honesty because if I'm being honest it felt like.. I don't know.. just something more than work."[/say] Her words are quiet, unsure and unsteady. A tremor of nervousness clinging to her words as she speaks around the joint that still isn't lit.
Maeve looks back up at him from beneath her lashes, a soft exhale pushing past her lips, [say]"I'm fine. Just tired.. Already told you I can't sleep. I walk when I can't sleep. I just wasn't paying attention to where I was going."[/say]
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Locke - 03-13-2021
His eyes run over her, taking in the dark circles, just how tired she looks. He runs a hand through his hair before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a set of matches.[say] "Want a light?"[/say] But he doesn't wait for her reply, striking the match and holding it out to her. The flickering of the match only serves to illuminate how tired she looks. He knows she doesn't like the rain, maybe the impending monsoons are keeping her up. He hopes it's not him but he gets the feeling it is, at least a little bit.
Her words sting in a way he wasn't expecting. He knew in his heart of hearts that it hadn't just been work, for either of them. But he had hoped it was, at least on her end. But it wasn't and he's left drowning in this weird emotion again. [say]"I know. I.."[/say] He makes a frustrated noise, running his hand through his hair again before dropping his arm to his side. [say]"I didn't do it to hurt you. I just.. Wanted you to.. I dunno. It's stupid. I don't know why it even matters."[/say]
Locke is clearly annoyed with himself. He looks up and down the alley before back at her. [say]"You wanna go somewhere else? My place isn't too far or we can go down to the beach. It's pretty quiet this time of night. I've got this little spot I hang out at.."[/say]
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Maeve - 03-13-2021
Her hand comes up to steady his as she leans forward to light her joint on the small flickering flame. Maeve puffs once, twice, and then three times before she straightens up again. Her eyes close as the smoke worms its way through her lungs again. It does something to soothe her, thankfully. She opens her eyes in time to see his fingers card through his hair and to watch the way his brows pinch together. [say]"Wanted me to what? Forget what I was for a bit? Yeah, Locke, I want that too. There are a lot of things I want."[/say] Maeve sighs, the smoke swirling between them before dissipating into the night air.
The question makes her raise a brow, lips turning down with a hint of a frown, but he seems serious. Like he's maybe thinking of trying to fix this. Maeve licks her lips as she draws the joint away, [say]"Yeah... Okay. The beach could be nice."[/say] She likes the waves. How they lap at the shore. Always coming and going. Planting kisses against the sand like it's a lover that it can't quite pull away from. Maeve pushes away from the wall, coming to rest against his side instead and her fingers brush against his arm. [say]"I'd like to see it... The spot..."[/say]
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Locke - 03-13-2021
Ah fuck there's that weird tight feeling in his chest again. The haze of the smoke helps but he just tries to stifle the feeling down. He reaches into another pocket and pulls out his cigarettes, lighting one before tucking the rest away. He's nervous again. She seems to like doing that to him. [say]"Yeah. Guess that's what I wanted. Kind of just wanted you to want me. Not for favors or whatever."[/say] He takes a long drag of his cigarette as her fingers brush his arm. And who could blame him for wanting her attention? She's sexy and gorgeous and.. He really is shallow.
But she's drawing him out of his head again and into something more real. His mouth twitches into an almost smile as he starts to lead her down to it. It's not far. Just a little sand tucked between some rocks. It's sheltered from most onlookers. He spends a lot of time there. Sleeps there, hides stuff there. If it wasn't so close to the ocean, he'd probably fuckin builld a house there. He doesn't bring people there often, or at all. He's got other little spots but this one is special.
[say] "There's a lot of things I want too, Maeve."[/say]
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Maeve - 03-13-2021
Her brows draw together, causing a small wrinkle to form between them as a huff pushes past her lips and she shakes her head. [say]"You think I didn't want you? I did... I didn't want it to just be work, okay?"[/say] Maeve sighs again, lifting her face up towards his before they start walking. [say]"I don't know why it has to be so complicated."[/say] The words are more for herself than anything. She falls quiet again as they walk together towards the beach. Towards his little hide out. Their little hide out. At least for now.
She lowers herself into the sand, sitting down and drawing her knees up towards her chest. Her toes dig into the sand as her eyes settle on the shoreline, watching the foamy white suds dissipate on the sand. Maeve takes another drag from her joint, holding the smoke as long as she can before letting out the breath. [say]"What do you want, Locke? I'd really like to know."[/say] Her words are almost lost in the crash of the waves, but they're just loud enough for him to hear. She keeps her eyes on the water, thinking that if she looks at him he's just going to shut down again.
Feelings are hard. Being vulnerable is hard. Exposing yourself to the elements of the world that weren't visible to the eye is hard. It's also so good. So freeing. It's what she did with Aurelia. Let her guard down. Let herself feel and it was wonderful. Why couldn't they do that too? Do that together? Would that be so bad? She doesn't think so.
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Locke - 03-13-2021
He knows. He's the one who backed out at the last second. The one who got cold feet. Everything was going exactly how he wanted it and then he got in his head about it again. He doesn't really say anything, opting to take a drag off of his cigarette instead. He doesn't say anything until they're sitting in the sand. It's still warm from the day and he can feel her faintly next to him.
He props one arm up on his leg, turning to face her. His expression is soft before he looks back out at the water. [say]"All kinds of shit. The whole god damn world. Mostly just want to get out of here. Do something with myself. Told this smuggler chick that I was sure I'd die right here on this beach and it got me thinking, maybe I don't wanna die here."[/say] Another drag and he turns to look at her, heart tight in his chest. He swears he can feel every beat as he looks at her.
[say]"Met this other chick recently. Kind of want her too. Not sure how though. Never felt like this. Kinda scary but I guess all new things are."[/say] He shrugs, finally turning away from her. It's the closest thing she's going to get to a proper confession so she better take it. He's already struggling to breath. Just not built for this kind of thing. Even if he wants it.
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Maeve - 03-13-2021
Her chin drops down to rest on top of her knees as her body kind of curls in on its self. Not in a bad way. Just in the way that people do when they're trying to comfort themselves. Self soothing because they don't have anyone else to do it for them. Smoke trails lazily from her joint that's almost gone. That familiar hazy feeling is in her brain, but it isn't enough to calm her nerves as she listens to him talk. [say]"You should do that... Get out. See the world. There is a lot out there. Things to do, people to see, places to go."[/say] She means it to. He shouldn't limit himself. Just like she shouldn't limit herself. Except she will because she's scared of change. Of being hurt. [say]"Out of all the places to die, though, Torchline isn't too bad,"[/say] Maeve shrugs her shoulders before stubbing out the butt of her joint in the sand.
Maeve swallows thickly, teeth sinking into her bottom lip as his words wash over her. It's a confession. A veiled one, but a confession none the less. [say]"Not sure how? Doesn't have to be hard... Can just have her. No strings attached. No favors, no trinkets, no work. Just existing. That isn't hard, right?"[/say] Her eyes cut back over to him, cheek turning to brace against her arm as her fingers inch towards him.
RE: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me - Locke - 03-13-2021
The false silence of the waves is comforting, something he doesn't pay attention to even if he's aware of it. Kind of like the heat he can feel next to him. [say]"Should come with me. Wherever it is. Not that I know."[/say] He doesn't think she has anything else here, maybe the brothel but is that all she has? Is that all she is? He keeps pushing against this idea as if it effects him at all. Maybe it's because he's seen what it can do to someone. Knows it himself. But eventually you get too old and they don't want you anymore. She said she wanted to be Madame but.. His jaw clenches and he looks over at her.
He thinks she can be more than that, if she wants.
[say]"Yeah? You think? I'm surprised I've made it this long honestly. Just waiting for the day I piss off the wrong person and they gut me and leave me out on the sand. Maybe they'll take the effort to toss me out into the ocean."[/say] Probably not. He's not worth it after all. He takes another drag, shifting his weight to lean towards her a little bit.
[say]"Maybe. If she's okay with that. I don't think I can give her everything she wants."[/say] Not yet. Not love, not a family. Not yet. Maybe one day but for now? All he has to offer is himself. Whatever the hell that means.