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+---- Thread: there's diamonds on the surface (/showthread.php?tid=5268)
there's diamonds on the surface - Sunjata - 03-22-2021
It has been a while since he’s ventured into the Hanged Man. It’s been a while since he’d not drank outside of his home or his office come to think of it – but home is too tense, it’s too sharp and heavy and he needs a moment to simply step away from it, to re-evaluate, to settle and ground himself before he can face it again.
So he ventures to the Hanged Man, having left a note back home to tell them where he’d gone – no he didn’t get kidnapped by Safrin, no he didn’t get swept away by mobs (yet). He’s gotten into the habit of leaving notes when he goes out, trying to keep track of his movements and plans if only to try and keep some semblance of… Fixing it, together.
He picks the corner of the bar, an empty space that would likely remain empty because he’s there – getting a few drinks under his belt immediately, followed by one that he can sip at. In front of him sits a few sheets of parchment, a few plans and blueprints, followed by a journal that he swipes notes into here and there.
And for the most part, he’s left alone.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Aurelia - 03-22-2021
Aurelia makes her way towards the Hanged Man, in need of some reprieve after a day's work on the docks. There's a distinct feeling of pressure that sharpens her features, shoulders pinched back and chest held tight. The voyage with the Ark is an impending event that inches closer and closer with every day. She both looks forward to it and worries about everything that could go wrong. A stormy sea, purposelessly angry whales, or whatever else might lurk in the depths or the skies. Maybe they will find something good, or maybe they won't. Either way, she has no control over the future.
So as she saunters in through the door, she billows out a sigh and tiredly pushes back her mane of dark hair. At first, she doesn't even look around at who all is there. The people gathered in the Hanged Man don't really pop out at her as any of the ones she knows. She meanders up to the bar and orders a strong drink, taking a moment to turn around and sip it as she looks for a quiet booth to sink into her thoughts.
It's then that she nearly chokes on her drink, spying Sunjata in a left-alone corner. All of that comes flooding back to the forefront of her mind: the last time she saw him, falling from the cliffs; thinking he was dead; the argument with Nate; the talk with Hotaru; the fact he never bothered asking her for help but that she also can't blame him for it. She clears her throat after a few long moments and walks over to him slowly, ice clinking around in her glass.
She stops at the edge of his table and places her glass somewhere opposite his side, where she intends to sit. But first, she places a hand on one of the papers and leans over it, eyes skimming its contents.
With a smile, she finally tilts her head to look up at him. She does notice the new and jagged scar, but meets his stormy eyes anyway. [Say]"What's all this? Not plans for a new house, surely?"[/say] Her tone is forcibly light. It's a joke, maybe making too light of the whole mob thing. She wants to ask him what happened, if he's okay, wants to give him a hug and let him know she's here, motherfucker, and he can always call on her. But she doesn't, instead offering him a smile and a joke.. like it's all.. fine.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Sunjata - 03-22-2021
He doesn’t pay attention too much more, focusing on the papers and the notes – the drink that he sips from, mulling it over as he withdraws the pen from the paper, mulling over his thoughts. Then suddenly a drink is sat down, his gaze immediately lifting to spy the familiar woman – his friend, provided he still had those now. He chews on the inside of his cheek as her hand accompanies the papers, peering over them. It’s nothing interesting – just designs to reinforce places of Haulani here and there, make it more weatherproof, more beneficial.
Her smile surprises him, it almost confuses him, and he finds himself sitting back in the chair and setting the pencil down to rub at his chest. He can’t find it in him to give her a smile back, but he does shake his head to her joke with a small snort. “[say]Gods no.[/say]” He hums, reaching for his glass to take a sip again, mulling it over. “[say]Just looking for ways to help reinforce Torchline and all the places in between.[/say]” He admits, managing to flash a small smile her way.
“[say]Are you preparing to take off with the Ark?[/say]” He asks, unsure how to go about saying that he probably should’ve come and seen her when he’d come back to life – that he should have assured her that there was little to nothing that she could do anyway when it came to the Trial, and that he was okay about it.
Except… Only two out of those three things even remain the same from when it occurred, because the Governor is definitely not fine right now.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Aurelia - 03-24-2021
Aurelia glances down towards Sunjata's hand as it goes to his chest, smile fading partly. He does get some amount of amusement from her joke, at least, which prompts her to slump into the opposite side of the booth from him.
[Say]"Ah, that would make more sense. I didn't think you'd be back to it so soon,"[/say] she adds with little forethought to what she's implying. With everything that happened, he couldn't have been blamed for taking a step back. Torchline could clearly handle itself. But all the better for him, that he's resilient..
To his question, she lowers her gaze, letting it settle on his blueprints but not really looking at them. She takes her glass into her hand. [Say]"Yeah,"[/say] she gives a single, distracted nod, before drinking. [Say]"That's why I'm here,"[/say] she smirks over at him, lifting the drink pointedly.
She lets things settle and still for a few moments, leaning her elbows down onto the table.
[Say]"Why didn't you tell me anything, Sunjata?"[/say] She asks suddenly, but it's not an angry question. It's fueled with genuine confusion, maybe even a touch hurt.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Sunjata - 03-24-2021
“[say]It’s about the only thing keeping me sane right now.[/say]” He admits to her with a slight grimace, a twisting of his lips. But she’s opened him up, accompanied him on this endeavor of work and drinking and sitting all by himself. At least Aurelia was good company, a friend, which felt so rare these days.
Her gaze lowers to the blueprints and Sunjata sits forward again, taking a sip of his drink before picking the pencil up again, running through the calculations and time it would take to do it that he doesn’t quite think of her question the way Aurelia thinks of it. He cheers her when she lifts her glass, but the rest of it? It’s autopilot, he doesn’t know what news has made it out of the confines of his home, of his life.
“[say]About which part? My father or the baby?[/say]” He lifts his gaze to her to study the reaction. “[say]I should have said something about my father but I didn’t. The mob was the last straw, and Jack had told me to draw him out.[/say]” He frowns with this, before he passes by it. “[say]And I’ve ruined quite a lot of shit with the baby that’s coming, so, it’s still a bit of a fresh wound.[/say]” His nose wrinkles and he scribbles something beneath a question left on the blueprints.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Aurelia - 03-25-2021
Seeing him again after the mob, after the trial, it's a relief. She wants to sink into that feeling, into just being here with him while she can. Especially since it's clear to her that he doesn't reach out when he needs to... It makes her instinctually feel like she should hover over him more, but she doubts that he would want - or need - that. Not truly. After all, he came out on top of things, didn't he?
Sunjata returns to his work and Aurelia lets him, calmly sitting by until she finally lets her thoughts air. It's in the simplest way she knows how to express them, without provoking a fight or making things generally worse.
Baby? Surprise brightens the darkness in her expression.
He's dismissive of the issue of him not telling her anything. No, he's dismissive of everything. Her posture slumps in defeat and her grip tightens around the glass as if it's supporting her. [say]No, it's fair,[/say] she tells herself, [say]he's been through a lot. It was selfish of me to even ask that.[/say] Her eyes shut from the stress and frustration of her self-beration. She wants to apologize to him, get up, and leave him be. [say]Why do I always make everything worse?[/say] It's tangible, the fragility in his façade. At any moment, he might break. She doesn't know how, maybe it's because she knows him, maybe it's some sort of weird sense, but she can see it in him. The pain, the hurt, the anger... the self-hate. Maybe it's because it's everything nasty within herself that she can see it in him, too.
So she steadies herself mentally to stay. She's not going anywhere. Even if she doesn't know what to say and the silence is painful. Something Hotaru had told her lights up like a bulb in her mind. He's not used to having people like us to lean on or inspire him to return home to... That's why we have to stick together.
Her hand reaches out to stop his, the one that scribbles away at something comparatively unimportant. She rests her hand on his, looking up at him and tightening her grip. Her lips purse, struggling to summon words that lie on her tongue, and the silence deepens.
[say]"It's okay,"[/say] she finally says quietly, [say]"it's okay, Sunjata... I'm not upset at you. I'm just... sorry."[/say] She's sorry about what he's going through, even if she doesn't know the half of it. She's sorry she couldn't stop it, even if she wanted to. She's sorry she's ignorant to it, even though she calls herself his friend.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Sunjata - 03-25-2021
He catches the surprise in her face, the realization that she didn’t know, and he looks away as quickly as he can, focusing on writing some random bullshit beneath a question that he can re-evaluate later when he’s actually focused. For now, though, he’s a bit drunk, pretty fucking sad, and exhausted. He’s content to remain in his own whirlwind, however, staring down at the blueprints without entirely seeing her, until the silence overcomes them and she hasn’t responded.
But her hand is on his, his hand twitching and flinching slightly, but it doesn’t move. He instead continues to stare down at the papers strewn before him, hearing her say that she was sorry, that she wasn’t upset with him. Was she the first to say that to him? He thinks so. So he clenches his jaw, grinds his teeth, takes a long and slow inhale, slowly getting his gaze to rise to meet her a bit more full on.
He’s not good at this, not good at explaining himself or his emotions. He knows she isn’t either. They were similar, after all, in the ways that mattered – in the ways that her hand rests on his rather than the monologue of words that wouldn’t fully sink in. “[say]Sometimes… Things happen so fast and I just have to get them over with. I don’t know why.[/say]” He offers her in way of explanation, grimacing slightly and averting his gaze again. “[say]That’s what happened both times.[/say]” With his father. With the baby.
“[say]Hotaru’s left me and Nate. Nate… He wants space. A break.[/say]” He focuses on her hand on his instead of looking at her. “[say]And I have a five-year-old at home that’s mine and Safrin’s that I have to take care of.[/say]” Which is fine, that isn’t the part he’s concerned about. It’s the fact that he’s had a child with Safrin and everyone around him was leaving because of it.
But Aurelia? Aurelia’s stayed. She’s stayed when he’d offered his snappy remark back. And it’s a boon for him with how low he’s gotten.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Aurelia - 03-30-2021
Aurelia lets her palm warm over Sunjata's calloused skin. Something about the way he flinches at first makes her own hand still, but she won't drop it away. He'll find her eyes already staring into his with a bit of earnest intensity, not that she means for them to be overwhelming.
Feeling a little self-conscious, she lets her gaze flicker between the paper, their hands, and his gaze as he begins to explain things. [say]"Things do happen fast..."[/say] she murmurs in reflection, nodding slowly, [say]"...sometimes I feel like a bystander to my own life, let alone yours."[/say] Her brows raise with the raw honesty. Though it normally isn't an active thought at the front of her mind, it is there. Now that she's said it aloud, it feels more real... [say]"It's okay,"[/say] she repeats in a quiet hush, glancing back up towards him again.
She takes notice of his gaze lowering towards their hands and she almost pulls back, but instead more of the truth keeps her there with him. Now her fingers curl into more of a grip around his. He'll find her brows furrowed and lips pursed, at the mention of Hotaru and Nate leaving him - in some form or another. This frown deepens at the mention of a five year old child by Safrin.
[say]"Wait, wait, slow down,"[/say] Aurelia's head starts to shake, [say]"You have a... five-year-old... with Safrin? Gods, Sunjata.."[/say] It's not quite disbelief but she is certainly... shocked, to say the least. Her other hand comes up to rub over her face, trying to swallow her own feelings because she doesn't want them to weigh down on him. There's already so much on his shoulders. [say]"How did that happen?"[/say]
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Sunjata - 03-30-2021
She has a point, honestly. And it’s that which has him avoiding her gaze. The fact that even her life felt like a whirlwind, let alone his, says as much as he’d expected. Caido kept dealing him card after card and all Sunjata was trying to do was survive. It was growing increasingly more difficult as time went on. So he takes a sharp inhale, focusing his attention on the papers that didn’t really mean anything in the long run, not in comparison to what it felt like now.
It’s okay… Aurelia says, and it’s that which has him immediately shaking his head, searching for a way out of this comfort. He isn’t… used to it, not in the slightest, and it only makes him want to curl up and hide away. He can’t, though. He doesn’t know if he ever can again. And luckily, or perhaps unluckily, she stiffens in a way that seems to suggest his words have snagged on something that didn’t make sense with her.
He almost wants to laugh with the absurdity of it all. So he sets down the pen in his hand, lifting it to his head to rub at his temple. “[say]It’s quite stupid, actually.[/say]” He manages, though his voice isn’t as amused as the front he puts on. “[say]She called me to her. To ask about the war. And… There wasn’t really a way of getting out of choosing a side. I had to choose hers, the Old Gods, but I told her I couldn’t harm Nate.[/say]” And that was the crux, the thing that had shifted it all completely, because of his fears.
His gaze levels on her, dark and heavy. “[say]I bargained with her to save Nate’s life should the Voice be destroyed. But words wouldn’t do, evidently, so… We bargained a life for a life.[/say]” He pauses, to purse his lips, feeling the awkward tug on the scar on his face. “[say]I care for my child with her, and Safrin would do everything she could to ensure that I didn’t lose Nate.[/say]” A selfish thing, really, but Sunjata had already admitted that he was.
And here he is, falling apart because of it.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Aurelia - 03-30-2021
Her incredulous gaze examines his features, even as his hand comes up to rub at his temple. Realizing the mirror of body language, Aurelia lets her own hand slack down from her face and consciously lets go of Sunjata's hand to pull back just enough to resume a small bit of space between them. She's held on long enough for him to know he can anchor to her, if he needs to; that she's here, if he needs her. It's up to him, however, if he does - not her. She can accept things either way.
Aurelia's gaze flickers with understanding. They've talked about the war before, of choosing sides, and she remembers distinctly how hard he had been trying to remain neutral. Her lips shift to offer an understanding half-smile. She does realize, with a pang, that she hasn't yet told him of her own experience with Safrin yet. It feels far less important, at the moment, though.
The moment his eyes meet hers more steadily, Aurelia soaks up the darkness in them readily. In this heartbeat, she decides it isn't stupid. Sunjata meant what he'd done; to save Nate in the event that things became catastrophic. She doesn't believe it selfish. She nudges her knuckles back against his, trying to comfort him still, and says, [say]"I would do the same for Milo."[/say]
Her shoulders tense as she leans back against the booth, holding his gaze still - even if it's weighty. He'd be surprised what kinds of darkness she can handle, and this hardly brushes the surface of what she prides herself on being able to. Still, recent events have surprised her. She's changed... grown softer.
[say]"Sunjata,"[/say] she tilts her head a little, brows lifting, [say]"you did what you thought you had to. It's not stupid,"[/say] her tones are gentle without being pitying, because she knows that if she were in his shoes? She'd do the same. [say]"It's... it's the right thing, if only because you thought it was. Things will change,"[/say] she nods decisively, glancing away, [say]"Nate and Hotaru... they'll... they'll understand, eventually. Sometimes..."[/say] and Aurelia's not used to being this honed in on what she really means to say, but maybe it's something about the fact that her and Sunjata share that weakness of being bad at it that, it alleviates some of the pressure. [say]"Sometimes love makes us blind. Is it really... our fault?"[/say] It's not a rhetorical question, though, because fuck... she doesn't know the honest answer. She swirls the liquored ice in her glass thoughtfully.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Sunjata - 03-31-2021
She tries to offer comfort in the only way she knows how – by touch. And the two of them are so incredibly similar that it works, that her confirmation that she would do the same, somehow, helps in the instance where he feels like he’s losing literally everything he’s ever come to care about. But then she’s leaning back and he’s pursing his lips, nibbling at the inside of his ruined cheek, keeping his gaze down as if looking up at her own would find pity – and if there’s something that’s become abundantly clear to the Attuned, it’s that pity is the last thing he needs.
It may be the last thing he wants, even.
“[say]Hotaru’s gone for good.[/say]” Sunjata interjects, lifting his gaze to finally peer at her face. “[say]And Nate… Nate says he loves me. But Safrin cursed him before he… Changed? And now if I or Kamaria touch him it literally hurts him. I can’t do anything about that. All I can do is hope that maybe one day I can touch my husband again.[/say]” His voice wavers a bit, before he’s shaking his head and sucking down a sigh, leaning back in his chair and lifting his head to stare at the ceiling.
“[say]And I just fucking came back from the Trial and getting my life back on track and I fucked it all up. And… And even though he’s taking a break, I’m terrified of if he decides he doesn’t want to. What do I do then?[/say]” His head drops to peer at Aurelia – the broken stormy gaze meeting her emeralds.
They both know what his obvious choice would be. But that wouldn’t be fair.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Aurelia - 03-31-2021
[say]"Kamaria... Is that her name?"[/say] It's her own interjection.
[Say]"I have no idea, Sunjata,"[/say] Aurelia answers simply, the words painfully honest. She could offer him snippets of things he could do, ways he could cope, how to handle the either or of it all. The fork in his road is... complex, but it's ultimately up to him where he goes from here. [Say]"You should've seen him when we thought you were..."[/say] dead. Her gaze shifts and she trails off, the silence heavy. She'd been in mourning, too, but she doesn't see much point in saying so. [Say]"He does love you,"[/say] is the point she's trying to make.
Aurelia lets things air out, in that way they do, as she leans into her drink.
How far love can take them, or the things it can protect them from? That part is less easy. Aurelia's not an avid believer in love always triumphing. She knows it doesn't. That's why she clings to it. Sunjata... he's not naive about it, either, and this must be incredibly hard for him.
[Say]"You do know... that no matter what happens, you still have me,"[/say] she states, emerald flames clashing with the flood.
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Sunjata - 03-31-2021
Aurelia’s interjection gives him a moment of pause, before his head is ducking slightly in a nod. “[say]Yes.[/say]” He says quietly, before he’s leaning back and staring at the ceiling. Her words make sense, it strikes a chord within him, and Sunjata doesn’t know what to do with the reverberating sounds that keep drowning out his mind. “[say]But… But when does he realize that I’m not worth it, Aurelia? All this shit I keep putting him through?[/say]” He stumbles over the words, leaning forward suddenly to down the rest of his drink.
He downs it, lifts a hand for another for him and Aurelia, and pinches the bridge of his nose as if it might stop the barrage of feelings that rise to the surface. Only when her words leave her does he look up, a fracture in his gaze that meets her face, his storms meeting her emerald flames. He’s silent for a while – he doesn’t know how long – before he’s nodding his head, nostrils flaring as he inhales deeply. “[say]I don’t want to drag you into everything too. You deserve better than that.[/say]” He pauses, shaking his head to stare at the papers again.
“[say]Everyone deserves better than what I can give to them.[/say]”
RE: there's diamonds on the surface - Aurelia - 04-01-2021
[say]"I hope I can meet her, someday,"[/say] she smiles softly, not much heart in it but her words are genuine. She won't encumber him with anymore pressure than he needs, honestly, especially not over this child. However, perhaps she can also alleviate some of it, [say]"If you ever need a little help? I... helped raise my younger sisters, and- well, honestly, I wouldn't mind having a kid around again. As long as I'm not working on the ship, I'd be happy to babysit for you. Whenever you need it, even if it's just because you need a breather. I'm sure Milo wouldn't mind, either."[/say]
But that is neither really here nor there, it's simply an offer placed generously on the table for him. He has her support, at least, if no one else's. Though she's sure there are others around who would gladly extend him a hand, now having seen for themselves the kind of things that haunt him...
Her expression hardens and she knows exactly how he feels. Exactly how he feels. It almost hurts her to hear someone else, someone else she cares about, say it. She sips from her drink as he does his. It clinks against the table sooner than his does, emptied. Solemnly, she says, [say]"That's not really for us to decide... we just have to figure out... if we can live with whatever their decision is, in the end."[/say]
The next round of drinks are delivered in a somewhat timely manner, Aurelia granting the barkeep a grateful nod and murmur of thanks as she accepts her refill. As the liqour pours smoothly into her glass, she peers up from it at Sunjata. Ironically, now she's the one deciding whether he's worth it or not. Even if they're just friends, he seems to not even think himself worthy of that. [say]"I deserve better?"[/say] She scoffs, already feeling a bit of that buzz burning in her cheeks, [say]"Sunjata!"[/say] She snaps a little, though not aggressively, but she is intending on snapping him out of his depressed stupor. [say]"I'm literally an ex-assassin, who killed people for a living, I mean- fuck- just look at me,"[/say] and she motions to the scars that cover her arms, alone, [say]"and now I'm a smuggler,"[/say] she says this with emphasis, [say]"how much worse of a person do you want me to be, in order to deserve you as a friend? What do you want me to do?"[/say] She finishes with a huffy breath and shuts herself up with another drink. Almost bitterly, she looks away and mutters, [say]"We all deserve better than what we get."[/say]
But, another point flares up and she looks sharply back at Sunjata. [say]"And anyway, I'm already dragged into your.. shit. I punched Ronin for you, I told Hotaru she could come to me if you guys ever needed my help, I let Nate yell and cry at me over you. No, I even went to Safrin, and that was in part because of what you told me. No,"[/say] she shakes her head firmly, frowning, [say]"No, you don't get to do that to me. Push me away. Now? No. Fuck that, I'm invested now."[/say] She scoffs and sinks into her drink again.