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+---- Thread: i exist through my need to self-oblige (/showthread.php?tid=5575)
i exist through my need to self-oblige - Finn - 05-13-2021
Today is the day Finn goes cold turkey.
It's also the day he finds out the sex of the unborn child growing in Tobi's belly. His child.
The past week or so has been a mist of snapdragon and dreamdust and picking up the pieces of a life he thought he'd never see again. He goes to Finn's office and does Finn's reports. He sleeps in Finn's apartments, more often than not with a doctor to either oversee him or keep him company. He plays Finn's guitar sometimes, but all the notes sound wrong and they warp the environment in ways that remind him of nightmares. But he does these things anyway, because he doesn't know what to do otherwise.
Today is different, of course, in that he is seated in a strange little room with some strange devices he's never needed to see before now. He knows he ought to feel a mountain of emotions - excitement, curiosity, fear, anticipation or even dread. Instead, all Finn can think about is whether or not it is the done thing to reach out and hold Tobi's hand.
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - October - 05-13-2021
Tobi didn't expect it to be harder with Finn back, than it was having him away. She hates herself for the disappointment that sleeps in the spaces between them when she does stay over. Hates the way her mind wanders and hates the sharpness of her memory. She hates herself the hope that covered her quite without her knowing, and how exhausting it is to keep that hope from unfairly slipping onto Finn.
It's easy to see Finn's indecision for what it is. The more time they spend together, the more the doctor is able to identify the tells of his busy mind, even when it appears as though he's doing something innocuous as sitting by her bedside. And so, that he might not have to concern himself with it, she folds her hands together so that there is nothing to hold.
One of the other doctors bursts into the room with an easy but weary smile on his lips. [say]"Ahh, Doctor Hart. I always wondered when we'd meet like this."[/say] He grins, his easy countenance putting Tobi at ease. [say]"Mr Rosencrantz."[/say] The man offers just as smoothly, though with less familiarity.
[say]"Doctor Hart, you know how all this will go. But do you have any questions before we begin?"[/say] Then, with a polite smile, he glances to Finn in case the Spyglass would like to speak up.
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - Finn - 05-13-2021
Perhaps there will be a time where Finn has enough space between his thoughts to notice Tobi's tells, or to act in accordance with what he knows about the doctor and her reactions. Alas, the depths of his trauma and natural social awkwardness mean that he only glances up a fraction when Tobi folds her hands away, letting go of a breath he's been holding and flinching just a little when the door clicks open.
Finn doesn't recognise the doctor and although he knows what comes next, he doesn't know enough about it to really have any questions. And so when the silence draws out and suggests that he fill it with words, the Spyglass quietly clears his throat and shakes his head. [say]"No, I... it would be enough just to know that Tobi and the baby are alright,"[/say] he murmurs.
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - October - 05-13-2021
Tobi offers her male counterpart an exhausted smile. [say]"I know you're going to cover me in horrible cold gel and that just the lightest touch is going to make me need to pee."[/say] She replies, cheerful despite the fact she feels like a whale. The other doctor grins and nods, before straightening slightly as he turns to Finn. [say]"Well, all the bloodwork has come back better than normal. Which, given what I know of your eating and sleeping habits, is something of a miracle."[/say] Giving Tobi a look that quickly melts into a smile, he moves to the opposite side of the bed from Finn to put on a pair of gloves.
It's all easily enough done for the most part, though pulling up the bottom of Tobi's shirt will require a bit of assistance on Finn's part since he's sitting so close. Her stomach bears stretch marks that slither away from her belly button, but her skin is beautifully stretched and taut. Trying to lift her head off of the pillow, Tobi lets it fall back with a huff of exertion. [say]'Are my toes even still down there?"[/say] She asks wiggling her feet.
As the cold gel is applied to her stomach, Tobi winces and grunts under her breath. It doesn't escape the male doctor's gaze the general state of ... distance between Hart and Rosencrantz—there had been more than a few rumours about it making their rounds—but he does frown a touch just for a moment.
[say]"Uh huh...there we are."[/say] An illusion shivers to life just above the bed of a baby balled-up inside of Tobi's womb. [say]"Now. Do you two want to play eye-spy, or shall I skip to the end for you?"[/say]
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - Finn - 05-13-2021
Finn's lips part as if to say something - he doesn't know what, but it probably wants to be along the lines of shut the fuck up about her lifestyle except absolutely nothing like it for the sake of politeness. It surprises him with its intensity, the way it wants to itch and slip through his teeth. But the moment passes and his jaw clicks shut, the Spyglass furrowing his brow instead and moving to help lift Tobi's shirt. And when she asks about her toes, he dutifully glances down to check for her. [say]"They are still there, yes,"[/say] he says, ever practical.
But as the examination begins, he can't help but feel that prickle up the back of his throat again; something he doesn't have a name for (it's jealousy, Finn) as he watches the two doctors and their easy camaraderie. Before the Spyglass can say anything to either of them though - and what a disaster that is certain to be - an illusion shimmers to life above Tobi's belly and completely captivates him.
All stress and tension seem to wipe from his face, in fact, Finn absently scooting his chair closer without thinking about it, his hand curling across the bed unconsciously as if reaching for Tobi's. [say]"Eye-spy?"[/say] he repeats, at a loss to understand, and his stormy eyes flick to Tobi just for a moment. [say]"Why would we be playing a game here?"[/say]
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - October - 05-13-2021
[say]"Mmmm. Good to know."[/say] Tobi says with a sigh of relief, and just as she's about to look appreciatively toward Finn, the doctor—we'll call him Dr. McDreamy, shall we—chuckles warmly. [say]"You could always tie a piece of string around one of your toes and give it a little tug if you're ever unsure. I'm sure it's a fashion trend you could pull off."[/say] He offers with a wink. Tobi rolls her eyes at this, but all merriment is utterly forgotten as the illusion shimmers to life.
Drawing in a breath, October is only vaguely aware of the pressure of Finn's hand on the bed, but her own seeks his out instantly. Her fingers slide against his, her grip warbling between tight and lose as she blinks at the small life made visible before them. [say]"It's.."[/say] Her throat tightens as her lips tremble. Stretching out the fingers of her free hand, she softly outlines their baby's head.
[say]"Oh..I only meant...if you wanted to look for yourselves to determine the sex of the baby. Some coup—"[/say] He breezes past the mistake with ease. [say]"—some parents like to work it out for themselves."[/say] Because they weren't a couple. So the gossip mill would have him believe.
Her eyes already filling up with tears, Tobi shakes her head, uttering a small breathless laugh. [say]"I'd rather just know."[/say] She squeezes Finn's hand again, before glancing his way, confirming his permission.
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - Finn - 05-13-2021
It's a good thing Dr. McDreamy has just conjured the illusion of the life he and Tobi have created, because otherwise Finn might be thinking very un-Finn thoughts, like where he'd like to tie a piece of string on the doctor and give it a tug. But Tobi's fingers are slipping into his, and he watches with abject fascination as her freehand caresses the child balled up in her womb. The smile on his face is all boyish wonder, and he leans in a bit closer to try and see the tiny fingers and toes, only torn away when the doctor speaks again,
[say]"Mm? Oh, I..."[/say] It sounds like a lot of pressure to put on prospective parents, especially if they guess wrong and end up disappointed (though why would you - look at them), but as Finn's eyes flash towards Tobi again, he gives her hand a gentle squeeze and nods. [say]"I would like to know as well,"[/say] he confirms, scooting up a bit so he's very much sitting with Tobi now.
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - October - 05-13-2021
Biting at her bottom lip with shaky teeth and an unsteady heart, Tobi silently beams at Finn before turning back to Dr. McDreamy and nodding. [say]'Well alrighty then.'[/say] He says, and, in a gesture sure to make anyone groan, he sticks his finger from behind the illusion and says, [say]"You see here?"[/say] Here, being the small whiff of skin between their son's legs, that suddenly is disproportionally large as the doctor breaks through the illusion with his finger. [say]"You're having a boy."[/say] Retreating to remove his gloves and wash off the gel from the wand, Tobi ignores McDreamy entirely as she turns to Finn.
Her lips open to say something, but nothing comes out, so tight is her throat and so stretched thin with a smile are her lips. Realizing as her hand begins to shake that she's been holding on to Finn's quite tightly, she releases him by degrees, before murmuring an apology under her breath.
But a boy. A boy!
[say]"I hadn't hoped one way or the other—"[/say] Tobi begins to say, as Dr. McDreamy appears over her shoulder, interrupting the moment. [say]"Now then. How is everything else? You're making sure to walk enough to avoid blood clots? How are your breasts? Any tenderness or discharge?"[/say]
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - Finn - 05-13-2021
Finn's eyes are back on the illusion too quickly for him to catch Tobi's smile, but she'll be able to see the soft one on his face nonetheless - and the way it quickly turns to a startled sort of oh when McDreamy thrusts his finger into their child. Well, not their literal child, but you know. He wants to tell the doctor that he wasn't aware that their baby was also developing an extra, adult sized hand, but luckily he blindsides them again and the words wither on his tongue.
A son? Finn has forgotten to breathe - it feels like he's just stepped off the Falling, like everything has just narrowed into a tunnel of blackness, and the only thing that's visible at the end are ten tiny fingers and toes. Tobi's hand slips out of his and he goes searching for it automatically, only to let it skitter back over the bed when he catches himself. Shaking his head at her apology, he glances back to smile at her as she begins to speak--
--and is promptly interrupted.
[say]"That was rude,"[/say] he tells McDreamy. [say]"She was speaking. Please don't interrupt her again."[/say] So saying, he nods towards Tobi, as if encouraging her to finish.
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - October - 05-13-2021
McDreamy takes Finn's reprimand in stride, his smile causing laugh lines to crease around his eyes as if Finn is nothing more than a young boy reminding one of his elders that they forgot to say please. [say]'My apologies Tobi, I didn't hear that you were speaking. Please—"[/say] Graciously he nods his head, as if it was for him to give October the indication she could continue, and not Finn.
Glancing back and forth between two sets of blue eyes, it's moments like this she wishes Finn were an attuned; not to speak to him, but to pulse reassurance and lightness into him. Instead, she reaches back for his hand if he'll allow. [say]"I was only saying that I hadn't thought about whether I wanted it to be one way or another, but..."[/say] Her smile grows and wavers, her eyes dipping down to the buttons of his shirt before rising back to his eyes, Tobi ignores the urge to lean across and kiss him, exhaling instead. [say]"I couldn't be happier."[/say] About the sex of their baby, anyway.
Glancing back toward her fellow doctor, Tobi lets her eyes roam up toward the ceiling as she considers. [say]"A bit of heartburn and indigestion and of course having to pee all the time. I have been trying to take more walks, though it's easier shifted."[/say] She admits with a shrug, which the doctor acknowledges with a nod. [say]"And I think my nipples have been more tender because of the shifting...going from 8 or so down to just the two."[/say] This, Tobi says, as any other doctor would, ignoring that her stomach is still entirely exposed, and reaching up to undo the buttons of her shirt as Dr. McDreamy asks if he can take a look for himself.
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - Finn - 05-13-2021
Finn allows, his hand closing around Tobi's again with an ease that one might think out of character for the Spyglass. And it both is and isnt - the sight of the tiny part of him, growing every day and carried by the woman lying in the bed has awoken something within him he didn't know existed. It's something he hasn't been able to provide for himself, despite his best efforts, despite his perseverance and best efforts. It's something to live for.
Tobi couldn't be happier and Finn softens further, the Spyglass smiling back at her and nodding. [say]"I hadn't thought about it either. But this is..."[/say] He sneaks a glance at the illusion of their baby. [say]"It's incredible."[/say]
Aaaand then they're talking about heartburn and nipples and Tobi is undressing because McDreamy is asking her to, and far from embarrassed (prostitute, remember), he zones in on the doctor as if with laser focus. Is he irked? Maybe. Jealous? Oh, absolutely. But no - mostly he's watching for any indication that McDreamy is straying over the line of Tobi's comfort and boundaries.
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - October - 05-13-2021
The blouse opens, revealing cleavage that Tobi has never had before in her life. With a groan she tries to sit up, reaching behind her back with the hand not tangled in Finn's to undo the clasp. She absolutely can't manage though, not with her belly in the way, and it's with a huff of frustration that she rolls her eyes. [say]"Sorry, I can't—"[/say] She mumbles, the issue clear enough. Without missing a beat Dr. McDreamy's hands are on her, holding up the back of her shirt and releasing the clasp of her bra with a smooth pinch of her fingers.
Humming a note of contentment, a sensation all woman—pregnant or not—are more than familiar with, Tobi leans back as she tugs her bra off and lifts the arm not attached to a certain Spyglass, above her head.
[say]"Might still be a touch cold."[/say] McDreamy warns, waggling his fingers before reaching forward. Indeed, Tobi's breasts are swollen the same way her belly is, and as the doctor cups his hand around one of them, his thumb brushing over the angrily erect skin of one nipple (intentionally?), he hums under his breath. [say]"I have just the thing for this."[/say]
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - Finn - 05-13-2021
A lot Some of this is lost on Finn; the struggle of removing a bra and the resulting contentment; the casual camaraderie(?) between doctor and patient. The other stuff - bare breasts on a woman he's still very much attracted to, for instance - that's par for the course. But Tobi was his friend before she was anything else, and she was there for him through times that no one else could be. Always patient, always understanding, a lot of times at the detriment to herself.
And there's someone standing over her, manhandling her while making jokes, while she's about as vulnerable as she can be, and it's just about enough to push Finn over an edge he's never been over before. Some might expect him to reach across and smack McDreamy, or to demand he stop touching Tobi. Or even to just stop the examination himself. But none of these things happen.
Finn's hand grows warm, almost relaxed in Tobi's grip, and he glances across at their illusionary child, still hovering over her belly. And he calls on Frey.
Finn, intentionally or otherwise, channels Frey to intervene in what he sees as an intentional overstep on McDreamy's part.
Channeling: Allows an Accepted to channel a deity during a time of crisis (1x a season)
Type: Light | Rank: Upgraded
RE: i exist through my need to self-oblige - October - 05-14-2021
Being a doctor and now being pregnant, Tobi has little worry about her modesty. She's pregnant via a former prostitute who has returned unable to properly look her in the eye and for whom hand holding is progress. Finn is about to go through withdrawal and Tobi is about to enter the final stages of her pregnancy, so no, having her nipples on display hardly scratches the surface of her thoughts. It's perhaps why her reaction to Dr. McDreamy's touch of her nipple just has her gasping in pain rather than chastising his clumsiness (what else could it be?).
[say]"Nnn.."[/say] She moans, stomach muscles tightening in a way that quickly makes her breathlessly. [say]"That would be—"[/say] But there's little more to say, because suddenly at the end of the bed is...