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+---- Thread: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass (/showthread.php?tid=5631)
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Locke - 05-30-2021
This again it seems. Something's not quite right as they make their way into the bathroom. Maybe if he doesn't acknowledge it, it'll go away. Right? Yeah, that's how problems work. He turns the water on before kicking off his pants. When he turns around, he finds her still dressed. He raises an eyebrow, looking her over, [say]"Getting all shy on me now?"[/say] He hopes that's what it is and not her changing her mind about him.
It's not that things have been weird since the fire except that they have. No more I love yous have been exchanged, they haven't had sex, nothing. The thought lingers in the back of his brain as his hazel eyes trail from her hands up her arms. He steps forward, fingers trailing down her arms to curl at the hem of her shirt. If she's not sure, he'll make the decision for her. He pulls his her shirt up and over her head before dropping it on the floor. As much as he wants to drink her in, he holds her gaze instead.
[say]"When you're done washing my hair, I can make sure you're all clean.. Sure you missed a spot or two."[/say] It's his turn to flirt, to walk the fine line of flirtation and lust they always find themselves on in tense moments like this. The gentle push and pull that's just part of their language now. It's easier when he initiates it, letting her decide how she wants him. He'll never use her but she's welcome to use him all she wants.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Maeve - 05-30-2021
Wrong, Locke. It will absolutely not go away. They're going to have to talk about things sooner or later. That sooner seems to be now. The words are caught in her throat as he turns to look at her, dark brows raising when he sees she's still dressed. Maeve feels her cheeks flush, dropping her eyes to look at his chest instead of holding his gaze. He approaches her slowly, pressing into her space as his fingers trail over her skin, tracing down her arms and drawing goosebumps to the surface before he finds the hem of her stolen shirt to tug it over her head.
A shiver runs up her spine, startling a breath from her as it pushes past her lips in a shaky exhale, eyes finally lifting back to his. He doesn't look her over from head to toe. He doesn't even touch her. He just looks into her eyes, seeing past the bullshit she's trying to put up. Why hide behind this persona with him now? Have the days been that difficult that she feels the need to put on this mask?
The flirting helps and she's so tempted to give in, but it doesn't feel like the right time. Not because she doesn't want him, but because she doesn't want to pretend. If they're going to be together she doesn't want to hide herself away and put on a show. Things are bad. They know they're bad. Why do they have to act like they aren't? Maeve steps into the shower with him, shifting behind him and letting her arms slip around his waist. Her forehead drops to rest against his back and she lets out a breath.
[Say]"I don't know how to act right now. I- I want you and I want to be with you, but I don't feel my best."[/say] She takes a breath here, eyes slipping closed as she presses her cheek to his back, not letting him turn in her arms. [Say]"I don't want to pretend like I do."[/say] She has to pretend with everyone else. Always having to put on a show to be a playful, sweet, and bendy little creature who giggles and gushes over her partners even on her worst days. That's not what she wants with him. It never has been.
[Say]"I don't know how you want me, either. The Maeve I am at work and the Maeve I am here are different... I- I don't know how to mix them and I'm afraid that makes you think I don't want this or you, but I do. I so desperately do, but I don't know how to show you that right now."[/say] The words come tumbling out of her in a rush. As if she's afraid if she doesn't say them now she never will. Maeve cares about him. She cares about him more than she's ever cared about anyone. She loves him. This fucking matters and she doesn't want to mess this up. Maeve picked him twice for a reason. She wants this. The good, bad, and everything in between.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Locke - 05-31-2021
The water is warm on his skin but it's nothing compared to the heat radiating from her as she presses against him. She wraps her arms around him and he knows he's not supposed to turn to look at her. Some part of him wants to but he thinks this is one of those things where she can't look him while she does it. He gets it, he really does. So he listens, one hand curling around one of her wrists. He can feel the rapid fluttering of her pulse there and it makes him feel bad.
He has been kind of insecure about all of this. Can she really blame him though? Maeve acts totally different around him. But as she talks he thinks that maybe that's just a sign of how much she wants him too. Yeah no, they're both just as lost, just as unsure of how to behave around the other.
[say]"I know, Mae. I don't expect you to want that kind of stuff either, not right now. Not after everything."[/say] The fire, this, all of it. He gets that she's maybe not feeling entirely like herself. He knows he's not. Plus, she's always so busy all the time, right? With the Halenani and everything else. He can't expect to be the only thing she's worried about at the moment.
He's just greedy is all. But that's not realistic. They've just gotta figure out their balance or whatever. [say]"We're still figuring shit out. I don't know how to be either. I'm not used to having someone around who cares about me. But I don't want you to think I'm just in it for the sex or whatever. I'm in for the bad stuff too. The ugly stuff. The nasty stuff. I just don't know how to show you that either. That I'm in for all of it."[/say] For how ever long she's willing to keep him anyway.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Maeve - 05-31-2021
He lets her talk. He lets her get it all out even though she's sure that it doesn't make the most sense. It doesn't matter because he gives her the chance to do it on her own and she's grateful for that. Maeve sighs against his back, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades in hopes of communicating how much he means to her in that one press of lips. She loosens her grip on him so he can turn if he wants to even as she finds his fingers and laces them with her own. The breath that leaves her is shaky at best, but the tightness in her chest is easing and she thinks he understands. It's so new. New and delicate and close to being blown apart at a moments notice. She wants to hide it away. Protect it from the judgements of others in hopes that it will make them stronger, but she knows it doesn't work like that.
[say]"I know it's not just about the sex, but that doesn't mean you don't want it or that you don't want that side of me too. I'm just worried that you'll feel like everyone else. I don't want to treat you like I treat my clients because you aren't one of them. You never really were. I don't know if you know that, but you weren't."[/say] Maeve murmurs, voice almost lost in the echo of the spray that rains down onto them. Her fingers trail across his torso, tracing along his hip and up his side, further up to his chest until her palm rests over his heart. [say]"I didn't just say it back because I thought you'd want to hear it. I said it because I meant it. I love you, Loxley. Love every part of you. I picked you."[/say] Because he's good for her. He takes care of her and looks at her like she's worth so much more than she feels. How could anyone else compare? They can't. Not in the same way. Nothing would ever be like this.
She waits for him to face her. Her eyes find his, sea glass green that isn't as bright as usual, weighed down by things that she's never had to carry before. Her hand comes up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing lightly across his skin, [say]"I want to keep figuring shit out with you. I don't care if it isn't easy. I want it. All of it. I'm sorry if I'm not the best at showing that."[/say] Maeve breathes, swallowing thickly as she waits for him to respond to her confession, breath caught in her throat as her heart seems to pound in her ears.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Locke - 05-31-2021
He figured they'd talk today but not about this. He's curious why it's even on her mind. Maybe it was just something lingering in the back of her head. Everything is tilted and he's starting to wonder if that's just how it's going to be. He doesn't think he minds, as long as she's tilted with him.
She keeps talking and he keeps listening, wondering who this is really for. Maybe for her, maybe for him. They both need it though. He doesn't want to be treated like her clients either. He's never really felt like one. Maybe the first night they were together, playing poker and talking shit. But not since then. Hell, he only left the way he did the first time they slept together because he didn't feel like a client and it scared him.
All of this scares him honestly. But he can put on a brave face for her. He presses a kiss into her palm, mirroring the one she presses into his back, before turning around to face her. He leans into her touch, breaking the gaze they were holding for a moment. He's not good with words. He tries to show things with his actions but he wonders if he's doing a good job with that. He's aloof, distant, that's just how he is, even when he doesn't want to be.
What she says makes his chest tighten. She says she loves all of him but she doesn't know all of him. She loves the Locke she's seen, not the Locke he really is. But he's done his best to hide that part of himself, for years and years. But he thinks maybe he'd have to share it with her some day. He knows he does if he wants things to work. But he's not sure if he's ready, if she's ready. [say]"I wasn't just saying it either, Mae. I love you too, a lot. It's kind of scary honestly.. The thought of losing you makes me feel.."[/say] Possessive? Angry? Like he could burn the world down in response?
He leans down, bumping his nose against her's. He doesn't look at her as his grip on her waist tightens, afraid she might run away from him. [say]"I've got blood on my hands, Mae. I'm not a good person. Or I wasn't. I don't know. Maybe I am now."[/say] He's rambling, rushing through his words as if he says them quickly enough she won't hear them. He knows that's not how it works though.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Maeve - 05-31-2021
He turns to look at her, only holding her gaze for a minute before he's looking away again, but it doesn't hurt that he can't look at her. She couldn't look at him when she was talking earlier. It's harder to when it feels like something you say might make the whole thing come crashing down. They're trying to be open and if that means they can't look each other in the eyes right now then she'll take it. Her fingers trail along his cheek to curl at the back of his neck, thumb brushing across the sharp jut of his jaw as the muscles feather there while he works over his words. A sharp intake of breath settles between them as she steps closer, molding herself against him because she needs the contact to keep herself together. Her head bobs in agreement, a soft sound rising in her throat, [say]"It is scary. I'm scared too. For all I talked about wanting something like this... I've never had it before. Now I'm just scared of losing it."[/say] Of losing him.
At first she thinks he might kiss her and she's already rising on her toes to meet him, straining in his grip to get closer so she might return his affections, but she's left wanting when his nose merely bumps against hers lightly instead. The confession is unexpected, but not surprising. Is anyone clean anymore? It seems they've all committed sins. She knows that she should probably question it. That it shouldn't just be something she's willing to accept, but the Locke she knows isn't bad. Guarded, calculated, perhaps cold at times, but not bad. He cares. He's trying to be better in little ways and that means more to her than anything he could have done in his past. Maybe that makes her bad too.
[say]"You're good to me... You're good to a lot of people. Why does the past after matter now? That Locke isn't who I know. This is what I know. I know that you were willing to go into a burning building for my workers. I know that even though you aren't sure about the gods, you're willing to help me grow closer to them. I know that you were willing to fight for me. None of that could ever make me see you as bad."[/say] It might be everything else clouding her judgement, a sweet rose color hiding the worst of it from her view, but she finds that she doesn't particularly care. She's not sure she ever will.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Locke - 05-31-2021
His chest hurts and every nerve in his body is screaming to run, to get away, to not let her induldge in his kindness or his love. To not let himself be seen that way. He knows, deep down, he's not a bad person. Maybe he just doesn't want to believe it. Or maybe he's just not willing to accept that he's a good person. But he told her once she doesn't get to decide what he wants and maybe he doesn't get to decide what she wants either.
And he knows he wants this. And so does she. So like, why keep fighting it? There's a sigh, something between relief and resolve. He's going to have to give in some day, why not know? Why keep fighting against what they want? They've both been doing it and maybe it's time to give up. Might as well live the kind of life you want, especially with a war on the way. Even if they both try to avoid it, there's little chance they won't be caught up in it. He doesn't want to regret the time he spent with her if something happens.
So he leans down, capturing her lips. [say]"I've never done this either, not really. Which is kinda sad. Like.. Ten years older than you at least."[/say] He's mostly joking. He's kind of scared he might be right though. He knows he's older but it's less of a big deal for a guy than it is for a girl, right? She does want kids some day.. Maybe she should have them with someone younger than him though.. They'll cross that bridge when they get there. They barely know how to exist together right now.
[say]"I'll have to take your word for it. But if you're willing to deal with my bad days, I'm willing to deal with yours. Alright?"[/say] The water is starting to run cold and he wonders if this is always where they're going to exchange their little secrets. Some part of him briefly wonders if he'll end up proposing here. Wouldn't that be a story? It sounds like him though.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Maeve - 05-31-2021
It's like a switch is flipped. Both of them suddenly breathing a little easier, pressing into each other a little more, and Maeve sighs with relief against his lips. There isn't a chance to deepen the kiss because he's talking again, but she'll take what she can get at this point. Dark brows lift towards her hair and she cocks her head to the side, confused amusement coloring her features, [say]"Ten years? No, not that much older. Surely?"[/say] Have they ever actually talked about it? She doesn't think so. Maeve knows she's young. That she looks it, but she's not that much younger than him, is she? [say]"I'm twenty."[/say] Maeve goes ahead and saves them both the awkwardness of guessing, throwing her age out there are preparing for the judgement. Did it matter all that much, though? She's not sure it does.
She manages a small nod, smiling up at him softly as her fingers push into his hair, brushing it back gently, [say]"I think I can manage that."[/say] Maeve murmurs, drawing back slightly as the water starts to grow cold. [say]"Need to wash your hair before it gets too cold."[/say] She reaches for the soap, working up a lather between her hands before rising up onto her toes to start working it into his curls. Maeve gently washes his hair, fingertips spreading the suds through his curls, but it takes only a few minutes to get the bubbles through his hair. [say]"So much for finding the spots I missed, huh?"[/say] She teases, releasing him so he can rinse the soap out of his hair.
The tightness in her chest eases as she watches him, a small smile curling on her lips as she lets her eyes run over him. Things always seem to be changing between them. Growing and evolving. That's what relationships are, right? A constant change between two people who want to grow together? That's what Maeve thinks. It has to be. How else could you keep something going that long without it?
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Locke - 05-31-2021
He'd been joking about the ten years thing but sadly he wasn't that far off. He groans softly, shaking his head. [say]"Gods.. Almost ten years.."[/say] There's a moment of panic where he's second guessing this all again and then he realizes that it likely doesn't even matter. So what if he's a little older than her.. Just means he has more life experience right? Plus, she's a Madam, it's not like she's a little girl. She's probably more woman than most women his age. Or not. He doesn't know. [say]"M'twenty-eight, by the way. So not like old but still old."[/say] Old enough to feel like a late bloomer to all of this.
He leans down so she can reach his hair a little better, humming softly as she washes it. He might be a little spoiled but fuck does he love when she washes his hair. Especially because her nails are longer than his and it feels good. If he was a cat, he'd be purring. [say]"Always another time for that. As much as I'd be happy to indulge you, doesn't seem like you're in the mood. We can always cuddle though, if you want."[/say] Like he said before, she'll never have to ask because he'll never say no to a good snuggle.
[say]"Can take a nap before we eat. Was kind of feeling a salad."[/say] Not in the mood for goat really, or meat at all. Wonder why.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Maeve - 05-31-2021
It's so tempting to tease him. To call him an old man and give him shit for it. Maeve manages to bite her tongue, grinning up at him instead as she helps him get the soap out of his hair. It doesn't matter. Age never really seems to define people. There are some much older than either of them who act a fool and ones younger who hold more maturity. It has to do with how you carry yourself. The way you handle life. Maeve likes to think that she seems older than she actually is. [say]"You made it seem like it was going to be worse than that. It's not that much of a difference."[/say] Maeve hums, wrinkling her nose at him as she trails her fingers down his chest, needing to just touch him for a moment.
[say]"No, I suppose not. Just need a little bit of time."[/say] Not because she doesn't want him, but it just doesn't seem right at the moment. Be it the events from the last few days or the emotional weight she's had to carry with her. Either way, she needs a chance to decompress. Cuddling and taking a nap together sounds like the perfect thing. [say]"That sounds perfect."[/say] She sighs and she really means it. Maeve reaches around him to shut the water off after he finishes rinsing off, grabbing her towel from earlier and quickly drying off. Her hair already begins to curl around her shoulders as she reaches for her borrowed shirt to tug it back on, leaving her much like the way he found her with the addition of wet hair.
She runs her fingers through her hair, working out the small tangles easily, [say]"Maybe some fruit and cheese? A little picnic sounds nice."[/say] Maeve isn't feeling meat herself. It seems they're on the same page with this, at least.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Locke - 06-01-2021
He expects to be teased but isn't. So that's nice or something. He sticks his tongue out at her anyway, [say]"Know it's not much but I think everyone my age has already been in a relationship or has kids or both. I'm just here though, doing my thing."[/say] Whatever that is. He's just kind of going with the flow at the moment, letting the current take him. He'll end up where he's meant to be or something like that.
[say]"I won't hold it against you.. Right now."[/say] He's still allowed to flirt, right? Yeah, he thinks it's okay. She knows there's no pressure to do anything and that makes it easier, for him at least. But she agrees to snuggle so maybe he'll just hold her against him instead. Yeah, that sounds good. She finishes up his hair and the pair step out of the shower, drying themselves off.
He watches as she combs her hands through her hair, humming softly. [say]"Yeah, that sounds good. Can go down to the beach if you want.. Don't gotta swim or anything. Can just soak up the last of the sun. Or.. The waves. Whatever you do when you're outside."[/say] Her skin is still creamy and pale and all of his marks have faded. It kind of makes him sad but he reminds himself that there will be other days. No need to rush now.
He slips into a pair of shorts, opting for something loose even in the cool of the apartment. [say]"Want to help me cut the fruit?"[/say] A much kinder way of using a knife.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Maeve - 06-01-2021
[say]"Nothing wrong with that, mon amour."[/say] Maeve hums, smiling up at him softly as she looks up at him from beneath her lashes, stepping closer to him in the small space of the bathroom. Her fingers trail up his chest, arms wrapping around his neck as she presses herself flush against him. They can flirt. That's okay. She can handle it. Even if they aren't following through on anything right now. [say]"There are plenty of other things you could hold against me."[/say] Maeve teases, arching a dark brow as she tilts her head back to gaze up at him, a sweet smile curling on pink lips.
[say]"That sounds nice too. We could take a little nap? Cuddle some? Then get our stuff together and have a little picnic on the beach. Actually watch the sun go down this time."[/say] Because they didn't get to last time and fuck if they don't need a little bit of good in their lives. They could just be together for a bit. Play in the shallows, eat, enjoy the last of the sun before falling into bed together. He could work on leaving more marks on her now clear skin. They might have faded, but she feels them still. She knows how it feels to have his fingers digging into her skin. His teeth sinking into her throat and leaving his mark on her. Maeve is just as sad that they've faded as he is. There will be other times for it, though.
Maeve releases him so he can get dressed, trailing after him into the living room, [say]"I'll help you after our nap. Come snuggle me."[/say] She holds her hand out to him, drifting towards the small couch as if that's the best pace for them to be right now. Of course they have a bed that would hold them better, but she wants that guaranteed closeness that the couch offers. Call her needy if you want. She won't mind.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Locke - 06-01-2021
It's easy enough to slip into this, flirting with nothing else behind it. He likes it too, no expectations, just the two of them being who they wanna be. [say]"Yeah. Cuddle and nap and have a picnic."[/say] He nods as he walks behind her, ignoring the way his eyes linger on the sway of her hips. He's being good even if his brain is content to be bad. He doesn't feel as guilty though.
He is however, confused because she led him to the couch and not their bed. He huffs a little laugh, crawling on to the couch and holding his arms out for her. Normally he wouldn't encourage this kind of full body contact during the day during Longheat but his skin is still wet and there's a breeze. It'll be fine. And if they get sweaty, well there's showers and oceans to clean up in.
When she crawls into his arms, he snuggles against her, pressing a kiss into her throat and trying not to think about anything specifically. It's easy to just ride the wave with her, see where they end up. The future might feel bleak but at least he has her, a little lavender flower growing in all of the bullshit.
RE: and now my bitter hands cradle broken glass - Maeve - 06-01-2021
He willingly indulges her, climbing onto the couch and spreading his arms open for her to crawl into his embrace. Maeve is quick to settle on his chest, curling up there with her head falling against his shoulder with a sigh. He presses a gentle kiss against her throat with just enough pressure to draw a quiet noise from her, encouraging her to nuzzle more closely against him as his arms wrap around her. A gentle breeze blows in from the open windows, bringing the smell of the ocean and the sound of Hels with it, keeping them both cool in the heat of the day. Her eyes drift shut, tension leaving her body as she melts into the comfort of his embrace, unable to fight the emotional exhaustion any longer. Maeve slips into unconsciousness moments later, chest rising and falling evenly with her slow breaths, giving away that she's fallen into a dreamless sleep.
She's not sure what time it is when she wakes, the sun has started to sink down, but not enough to be close to sunset. They still have another another hour and a half she thinks. Maeve slowly blinks herself away, humming softly as she stretches in his embrace, lips finding the crook of his neck to press a kiss there. [say]"Locke.."[/say] She murmurs, nuzzling against his throat before she's drawing back to gaze down at him. Her fingers slip through still slightly damp curls, a smile on her lips as she waits for him to open his eyes. Maeve isn't planning on moving anytime soon, but they do still have plans to see to.