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+---- Thread: my heart is yellow (/showthread.php?tid=6511)
my heart is yellow - October - 12-11-2021
Tobi had been unsuccessfully trying to convince herself that today was no big deal for about two days. Not only had it been over a year since she'd left Stormbreak, but this was going to be proper date. A proper date with Finn. A proper date with Finn, whom she'd decided to love, but who didn't know enough about love to love her back, but who had agreed to more or less keep doing life with her. So although going to the Greatwood for the first time on a date with Finn shouldn't have felt high-stakes, it absolutely did.
And Tobi couldn't have been more excited.
Up before the dawn like a child at Christmas, the doctor had laid in bed as long as she possibly could until the balls of her feet itched with adrenaline that forced her up. When Finn eventually appeared in the kitchen, they coffee'ed, they grabbed their things, and they set off. In a simple yellow dress and a cardigan should it get cold, Tobi boarded the Skyboat without hesitation before glancing over her shoulder and flashing Finn a cheerful smile. [say]"Coming?"[/say]
RE: my heart is yellow - Finn - 12-11-2021
Finn is wondering whether there's time to change his mind about all of this. Not about the date part or even about the skyboat part - dressed in a light coat to ward off the chill, with his curls carelessly tousled by the breeze and an expression of boyish befuddlement on his face, the Spyglass looks younger than he has in years. He's still at least ten feet back from the boat, however, and the edge of the Falling, when Tobi calls out.
I'll meet you there, is what he wants to say. He has a compass and he's used it a lot previously to get from place to place. Sure, it would probably make the start of their date a little (a lot) awkward, but then again if Finn vomits and passes out, that might not do much good either. [say]"Uh... yes, I just..."[/say] Swallowing hard, he takes a faltering step forward and stops again. [say]"Would you mind walking on with me? I have never..."[/say] He shrugs helplessly.
RE: my heart is yellow - October - 12-11-2021
With bright eyes and an expression of careless joy, Tobi tilts her head to the side in an exaggerated gesture of huh? Thanks to Everest and his anxiety, Tobi has learned to be much more subtle in public when trying to comprehend his various concerns. He hated when too much attention was drawn to him, and so like any good mother, Tobi does her best to try and cater to whatever needs her little family has.
Trotting back down the dock with her bag in hand, Tobi slips her arm around Finn's but doesn't make any attempt to drag him onto the boat. Instead, she just takes in a long and deep breath, hoping he'll mirror her and do the same. [say]"There hasn't been a recorded crash of a skyboat in over twenty years."[/say] She says. [say]"Not counting Ronin, but he isn't piloting."[/say] Having positioned herself on the side of Finn closest to the Falling, Tobi does her best to stand taller as if she might somehow block out the looming gulf of nothingness at Finn's side. [say]"It's about...ten steps in total until you're on the deck."[/say] Her fingers tighten slightly around the Spyglass's upper arm, before she fixes him with a wide smile. [say]"7, if you take big steps."[/say]
RE: my heart is yellow - Finn - 12-11-2021
He does mirror Tobi, almost subconsciously at this point, and his shoulders sag a little when she's at his side. Closing his eyes on the exhale, Finn nods and feels a small smile curl at the corners of his lips. [say]"It isn't the skyboat that worries me,"[/say] he assures her, though as his eyes blink back open, he realises that - once he's past the Falling bit - it really ought to worry him.
If a skyboat did crash, for instance, depending on where it landed would determine Finn's likelihood for certain death. Granted, there was also the route to think about, and if the last crash was twenty years before, the accident report ought to show all of the relevant details, namely what might have caused the crash to begin with--
Whether intended or otherwise, Tobi's triggering of a different sort of obsessive anxiety has meant that Finn's ten steps onto the skyboat happen with relative calm, and before he knows it, they are both on deck. [say]"I think I will need to go to the Archive,"[/say] he tells her seriously, before seeming to blink back to himself. [say]"Oh. We're here."[/say]
RE: my heart is yellow - October - 12-11-2021
Scrunching her nose up at him as she beams, Tobi nods. [say]"We are. As for the Archives, that's absolutely going to have to wait until at least tomorrow, if not the day after."[/say] She sings, leaving no room for argument at all. They are going on a date, and though Tobi will absolutely participate in any of Finn's musings while they're together, she won't allow for them to derail their plans.
[say]"How much of the Greatwood are you familiar with?"[/say] Tobi wonders, meandering toward the front of the Skyboat. [say]"Do you think we'll see any of the fae?"[/say] Girlish in her excitement, Tobi doesn't bother to try and hide the flush of eagerness that colours her cheeks, the brightness of which is only amplified by the stiff breeze that blows over them as the Skyboat begins to lurch forward.
If only someone like Nate could have told Tobi about the Titanic, she might have spread her arms wide and declared she was queen of the world. Alas, she merely stands at the bow, hair streaming behind her, as eager as any dog on the way to the park. And the Greatwood was a very big park indeed.
RE: my heart is yellow - Finn - 12-11-2021
[say]"I think it could wait until the day after,"[/say] Finn concedes, gazing down at the deck beneath their feet as if his own curiosity has interrupted the anxious stream of consciousness racing through his mind. He releases Tobi so she might go towards the front of the boat, Finn swaying a little as they lurch away from the Falling. Around them are a mixture of seasoned travellers and newbies like themselves; families with children, solemn and mYsTeRiOuS figures, and the odd couple as well.
It's these latter sort that have Finn's feet moving, and his expression softens as he catches sight of Tobi at the prow, her hair blowing in a halo about her head. [say]"I believe the skyboat docks in the Sidhe Village,"[/say] he says as he sidles up beside her. [say]"So we will likely see many fae. And I have explored the Wildwood, mostly, but the Greatwood is known to move and redirect travellers depending on its mood,"[/say] he explains.
RE: my heart is yellow - October - 12-12-2021
[say]"I just keep thinking of all the stories from when I was a little girl...how the fae were barbaric. How they had these contests of strength to determine who their leader would be. How they were proud but mysterious.."[/say] Remi's name lingers heavily on her tongue, going unsaid, but the way she bites the inside of her lip and considers a smile seems to finish the sentiment. But now it is run by Remi Taliesin. [say]"I used to love hearing stories about the encantados though. Something about pink dolphins controlling the weather always used to make me smile."[/say] And indeed, it makes her smile now.
Stepping down that someone else might have the opportunity to spread their arms wide and feel the wind against their skin, Tobi politely inclines her head toward one of the many benches that line the deck. [say]"My...father isn't doing so well."[/say] She mumbles, sitting down and placing her bag between her feet. [say]"He was brought into the memory-care ward in the hospital."[/say] Her father's memory-disease had been slowly eating away at his mind, such that he only knew who Tobi was 1/4 of the time. Now that it had progressed, his body had seemingly decided his brain wasn't really worth incubating any longer, and had begun to degrade quite quickly.
[say]"I just thought you should know."[/say] She adds with an uneasy and sad shrug.
RE: my heart is yellow - Finn - 12-12-2021
Finn can't help but hide a smile as he listens to Tobi - once upon a time he'd have recommended a few books on the Fae, or encantados, or any other creatures that the doctor might find interesting. But not only does he know Tobi well enough now not to do such a thing - they are on their way to the Greatwood right now, and she will be able to see it all for herself soon enough.
Following to one of the benches, Finn has just settled himself beside her when she begins to speak about her father, the Spyglass's eyes widening a fraction. [say]"I am so sorry,"[/say] he says, and though the words are just as polite as if it was anyone else, the feeling in them is all for Tobi. Sitting a little closer, he reaches out his arm to slip it around her.
[say]"Is there anything I can do to help?"[/say] he asks. [say]"Perhaps we could visit, or..."[/say] Or what? Finn has been an orphan for longer than he ever had parents. He doesn't know the protocol here.
RE: my heart is yellow - October - 12-12-2021
For anyone watching or eavesdropping, they might have judged Finn's actions as having passed only a very low bar when it comes to offering comfort. Tobi of course knows better, and though at least some of what he does is merely perfunctory, enough of it has genuine care in it that she finds herself smiling, if only just for a second. [say]"I visit him during the day."[/say] Tobi replies, relaxing against Finn's side. [say]"Ever has come with me a few times as well, but...I can tell that it makes him uncomfortable."[/say] This is said with all the clinical understanding of a doctor who has seen this progression many many times before.
Even so, now that it's her family it's happening to, she can't help the way it weighs on her. [say]"I doubt if he'll make it to the end of the year. And if he does, it won't be with many of his faculties intact."[/say] Tobi says, smoothing out a crease that threatens to form in her dress. [say]"I'm hoping I can talk to him about it. About how long he wants to keep living for once his mind is more or less gone."[/say] Really, they should have had this conversation already, but it's true that doctors make the worst patients; naively Tobi had thought she had a little more time.
[say]"I just wanted you to know, in case Ever asks. He's been talking a lot about death lately, though...I think I overheard Mateo talking about what flowers he wanted at his funeral, so that might be part of it."[/say]
RE: my heart is yellow - Finn - 12-12-2021
[say]"Oh, I see. I... would you like me to come with you?"[/say] Finn asks - and this most definitely isn't perfunctory. The Spyglass's bedside manner is stilted to say the least, with the exception of his son, perhaps, but for Tobi he's very willing to try. [say]"Since the Sea of Glass, I haven't heard much regarding relics. So I would be able to take some time between my assignments."[/say] Absently, Finn's thumb grazes against the doctor; a small act of comfort that might as well be a proposal, given his track record.
[say]"The end of the year?"[/say] he echoes, not having realised quite how serious the situation was until that point. [say]"What do you think he will say? Would... I mean, I am not sure what I would want, given that situation."[/say] Given how close he has skirted towards death in his life, Finn has surprisingly little idea about how things might end for him, or what he would want. Then again, wanting anything at all is still relatively new to him.
RE: my heart is yellow - October - 12-12-2021
[say]"I don't need you to, no."[/say] Tobi answers, watching the movements of Finn's thumb like one might watch some skittish fawn coming to investigate picnickers in a wood. Almost coldly practical, the doctor knows what is and isn't worth pushing for when it comes to her father and how his situation relates to her. Having Finn loiter awkwardly at the foot of his bed wouldn't bring her any more comfort over and above Finn's willingness to place himself in such a situation.
[say]"I think he will say that as soon as he doesn't recognize me or Ever, that he'd like to go. He has missed my mother since she passed away. The only thing keeping him here in this state is his family."[/say] Tobi replies easily, turning her shoulders slightly to better see Finn out of her peripheral vision. [say]"Unless I could be useful somehow—"[/say] Perhaps she could be made to shift and her horn harvested over and over again for healing, [say]"—I'm not sure why I would need to be kept alive."[/say] This is of course a very doctorly answer to give, but Tobi finds she absolutely means it. [say]"I would want.."[/say] Pausing, Tobi finds herself blushing, but it's a crimson sort of blush rather than the delicate pink that accompanies amusement or embarrassment. She was going to say you and Ever, but of course that suddenly feels like quite the leap, given that this was only her and Finn's second date in over a year. [say]"..all my goodbyes to be made while I was still fully me."[/say] She decides at last.
RE: my heart is yellow - Finn - 12-12-2021
[say]"Alright,"[/say] Finn says, though his brow furrows as he watches the woodgrain in the deck of the skyboat. Want and need are starkly different in terms of linguistic and social meaning, and he spends far too long dwelling on it all until Tobi once more breaks the silence, the Spyglass blinking himself back to attention and glancing across at her.
It's with a slow and awkward nod that he absorbs what she's saying, Finn shifting a little and wondering how best to navigate this absolutely-not-a-date talk with the etiquette he's prepared himself for when waking up this morning. [say]"I think that is what I would want as well,"[/say] he says, though his thoughts are about as far from his wishes for death as possible. [say]"I hope that you are able to have that conversation with him."[/say]
RE: my heart is yellow - October - 12-12-2021
They are indeed different, Tobi having chosen her words specifically for that reason. As Finn's gaze fixes on the deck before them, the doctor thinks maybe he has picked up on it, or perhaps he's just merely noting the type of wood used in the construction of the boat and is running various structural tests in his mind. For as well as Tobi knows Finn, his mind will always be rather closed to her.
[say]'Me too.'[/say] Tobi agrees, before chuckling quietly to herself. [say]"I uhm...I think you probably aren't supposed to talk about death this much on dates."[/say] She realizes, beaming. [say]"Sorry."[/say] Laughing, the doctor gives her head a slight shake and turns properly toward Finn. [say]"I think you're supposed to talk about things like.. boxers or briefs or where you'd go on vacation, only...Well, I already know some of those things about you."[/say] You know, because we live together and have a son together, and have been doing all of this in absolutely the wrong order. Chuckling again, Tobi shrugs a touch helplessly.
[say]"What do sailors use to blow their noses?"[/say] She asks suddenly.
RE: my heart is yellow - Finn - 12-12-2021
As Tobi speaks about the elephant in the room, Finn seems to visibly deflate, and though it might be wrong to smile when talking about death, he can't help it. With dimpled cheeks, he glances across at the doctor and nods to her. [say]"I'm sorry too,"[/say] he says. [say]"I wasn't sure what the protocol was either."[/say] Had he read about dating in the days leading up to this? Yes, obviously he had.
[say]"Well, perhaps that is only a ruse,"[/say] he remarks. [say]"Maybe my preference is nothing at all, or lingerie."[/say] It is absolutely untrue, of course, but in the interest of recovering, a little dry humour goes a long way. As for what sailors use to blow their noses? [say]"Tissues, I assume,"[/say] he says seriously. [say]"Though I suppose handkerchiefs are probably better suited to longer voyages..."[/say]