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+---- Thread: cut our teeth and make our bones right here (/showthread.php?tid=7764)
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Remi - 07-28-2023
[say]'Well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.'[/say] Remi says on the heels of a sarcastic laugh. Isla is an angel compared to the rest of the medical ward, but gods what a low fucking bar.
A good many responses bullied for pole position on the wendigo's tongue, but as he stared at Isla all the thorny barbs lodged themselves in his throat rendering him silent for a moment. [say]"Is that what it sounds like? Is that really all you took from what I just said? From what you saw?"[/say] He wonders, staring at Isla as if seeing her for the first time.
[say]"I warn you to stay back when you need to."[/say] He counters. [say]"I have pointed out to you when tethers have come undone, have warned you when it was in your best interest not to be near me, or when one of you has has a paper cut."[/say]
As for what he wanted? Closing his eyes and tilting his chin up so that his head slid back, had Remi the ability to do so in the moment, a tear might have slid down his cheek. [say]"I want you to decide what I am to you and stick with it. Ronin has, but you..."[/say] Leaning forward, Remi looks at her, wondering for perhaps the first time, what it was she actually saw when she looked at him. [say]"..you do not just straddle the line Isla, you jump over it, sometimes hide it, and other times seem to repaint it so that it glows in the dark."[/say]
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Isla - 07-28-2023
Whether Isla's silence is her way of giving Remi the respect of her full attention without interruptions, or because she's too flabbergastered to respond... well, that's up for the wendigo's interpretation. But she is silent, though he'll easily be able to hear the way her pulse increases, the shiver in her breath, even the tremor in her hand as she clenches it into a fist on her lap.
[say]"I'm sorry,"[/say] she says after what feels like an eternity. [say]"I'm sorry for getting it so wrong."[/say] Blinking quickly, she inhales a deep breath and lets it out again, before managing to return her gaze to Remi's face. [say]"You're more than just a patient to me, it's true. It's been true for a while now. But if I choose to stand on that side of the line, then I'm compromising myself as your doctor, and as a scientist..."[/say] And worse, given the way she glances fleetingly up at the cameras.
[say]"And there will be nobody left standing in Grimm's way,"[/say] she adds in a whisper. [say]"But you're right, and the way I've been acting has been very unfair to you. I'll re-evaluate, and make sure the boundaries between us aren't crossed again."[/say] Because in a choice between being Remi's friend or protecting him against the horrors that might come without her interference, she knows what she has to do.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Remi - 07-28-2023
Isla's apologies feel like a slap in the face, though given Remi's tolerance to pain it hardly matters. Still, it's with a slight flaring of his nostrils that he gives his head a small shake, ignoring the delicate sound of her eyelashes coming together as she blinks. [say]"I don't care how you are to them, Isla."[/say] He says, hating the imploring sound of his voice such that he clears his throat unnecessarily and looks vaguely away.
[say]"That I do not see Grimm as much is a gift I cannot even properly express to you, but.."[/say] Realizing that there was no way forward without saying more than he wanted to, without feeling more than he wanted to with his current constraints, the wendigo gives up and shakes his head. Letting his eyes drop into his lap he's keenly aware of the tears he should be feeling prickle behind his eyes, and how instead he is nothing but a husk.
[say]"Alright."[/say] She'd asked him what he wanted, he'd told her, and she'd picked. It was naive to have even thought she'd choose him over her experiment, anyway.
[say]"Do you have any serum remaining? Even if it is just a few minutes worth?"[/say] He asks suddenly, eyes still fixed on his lap.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Isla - 07-28-2023
Despite making her choice, as she looks at Remi she can't help but feel like it's the wrong one, and only in this small moment does Isla realise just how complicated things really have become. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, the doctor is prepared for him to ask her to leave if not a few other choice words, so when Remi requests more of the serum, her confusion is evident.
[say]"I..."[/say] Glancing to the IV still in his arm, she scoots her chair closer to carefully remove it. [say]"I brought a second dose as a backup,"[/say] she says, reaching into the pocket of her labcoat and withdrawing a small box containing the vial. [say]"Are you sure...? I think I've developed it to the point where it might last for a few hours. I've just been keeping to these short intervals until we iron out the transitions."[/say]
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Remi - 07-28-2023
Clenching his jaw and feeling a touch like an addict who is just moments away from the fix he so desperately needs if only he can get through a bit of small talk first, only shrugs. [say]"I only need a few minutes I think, but.."[/say] But, right now he'd take anything.
With his arm held out perfectly still so that Isla might remove the IV, the wendigo forces himself to be patient. [say]"At least this way we can see what the effect of having just 'fed' has. And what happens if I take two doses back to back."[/say] He murmurs enthusiastically; they were back on this side of the line after all, so whatever Remi's reasons for wanting a second dose at least the doctor could further her research.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Isla - 07-28-2023
Having removed the IV, Isla is preparing the vial and the syringe when, very suddenly, Remi's words begin to properly sink in. [say]"What do you mean?"[/say] she asks mildly, frowning and glancing back up at him. She doesn't stop preparing the needle, but given the wendigo's history - especially in the past few weeks - one can't blame her for being cautious. [say]"What are you going to do?"[/say]
Because if the answer is find a way to kill myself in the 15 minutes that I'm human, she hopes he'll forgive her for politely declining to give him another dose. But with the syringe prepared and his reasons also valid, it's with a gentle nod that Isla agrees. Still, she doesn't stick him with it yet - not until she's sure.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Remi - 07-28-2023
[say]"Are you asking as my doctor?"[/say] Remi wants to know, though the question is possibly asked a touch coldly. Realizing latently what it was she likely meant, given what he in fact wanted to do, the wendigo felt perhaps more misunderstood than he ever had in this entire ordeal. [say]"What in here could I possibly hurt myself with?"[/say] He wants to know, looking around. [say]' Besides, it is not as if you won't be monitoring me."[/say] Like you always are, goes without saying.
Feeling as though he might not be able to stand it a moment longer, but knowing that his please Isla's wouldn't do him any good now with the doctor back on her side of the glass, Remi merely made a fist as if to make the veins in his arm more pronounced. [say]"I will not do anything to hurt the experiment."[/say]
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Isla - 07-28-2023
[say]"Remi,"[/say] Isla protests, almost hissing his name out in a whisper, though there's absolutely nothing she can do to help him in the way he seems to need. Even so, if it's this or risking being kicked off the project because she's no longer unbiased - and she's sure Grimm is waiting in the wings and praying for such a thing to happen - then this is how it has to be.
But she doesn't have to like it, and so it's with an almost defeated expression that she reaches forward to carefully inject the serum into his veins, drawing away the empty syringe and beginning to put everything away back into the box. [say]"Please let me know if the transition is better or worse because of the double dose,"[/say] she says softly.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Remi - 07-28-2023
[say]'Yep.'[/say] The wendigo whispers, already clenching his eyes shut and waiting to see what ramifications there are going to be for having double-dosed. The hammer of Isla's pulse is somewhat welcome as it gives Remi's mind something to focus on as his body goes through the process of becoming both less and more. Whether or not the doctor will stay in the room, or has, is something he has no idea about as his senses dull away.
Having just fed makes the process a good deal easier actually, and though he'll tell Isla bout it later, for now as his humanity is restored to him once again, there is only one thing on the wendigo's mind.
Turning slowly and with shocking care, Remi smoothes and adjusts his bedsheets until he finds a small yellow egg-shaped bit of chocolate. Clenching his teeth together, he picks it up almost reverently and moves to place it on top of The Wind in the Willows, before going back to his bed. With his back intentionally turned the entire time and his head low that he might not see either Isla or the interns who are likely watching this all play out, the wendigo slips under his covers, curling up into a pathetically human-shaped ball before drawing the blanket up to his ears.
Then, and only then, with the serum properly in his bloodstream, can the wendigo cry.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Isla - 07-28-2023
It's proximity and nothing more that makes Isla aware of what is actually happening, the doctor's eyes widening and her gaze flicking up to the windows, the cameras, every other measure taken to keep an eye on Remi's every last movement. Heaving out a sigh and rising to her feet, it's with quick and efficient steps that she reaches the control panel just outside the door, entering a few hurried instructions.
The blinds descend over the two-way windows, blocking them from view, the lights dim to as close to black as possible, and the sound of heavy rain fills the room. With the door hissing shut on her heels, Isla returns to the wendigo's bedside, having to navigate by shadow. [say]"The cameras are all pointed to the ceiling,"[/say] she says. [say]"And the rain will cover voices. Do you want me to stay?"[/say]
If nothing else, gods, but at least she can give him a tiny piece of privacy.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Remi - 07-28-2023
Normally Isla's rain sounds (or whale sounds, depending) were heard by ears able to envision the relative size of the drop based on the sound, or even to know when a different whale had been spliced into the mix. Now, it all was a wonderful blurr that hid the sounds of his own hushed sobs from himself.
Having not expected her to stay, it's with a flinch that Remi looks over his shoulder, able to see almost nothing at all of the woman who was by his bed. Trying and almost immediately failing to hold his breath, a strangled sort of sob shivers from his lips before being lost to the pitter-pat of the rain. [say]"I.."[/say] A wave of uncertainty rose in the back of his throat at the same time as more tears pushed through the back of his eyes. [say]"You said.."[/say] The line. The experiment. She'd asked, he'd answered, and she'd chosen.
Shifting so that he was on his back instead of his side, still only to make out the edges and angles of her, the wendigo just swallowed, desperate not to be alone.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Isla - 07-28-2023
[say]"I know what I said,"[/say] Isla whispers, belatedly realising that Remi might not be able to hear anything over the sound of the rain with ears no longer capable of hearing a pin drop. [say]"Call it being human, okay?"[/say] Changing one's mind, making mistakes, having empathy. All of it rolls together into a mess, and as Remi turns to lay on his back, Isla is already slipping off her (altogether very practical) heels.
[say]"Come here,"[/say] she murmurs, drawing back the blankets so she can slip beneath them, reaching out for the wendigo in the dark. The bed isn't all that large anyway, so it's a good thing Isla doesn't intend for there to be distance between them, her arms twining around Remi to draw him into a tight embrace.
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Remi - 07-28-2023
Is that a joke? He wants to ask her, not really in the mood to laugh but finding his lips considering a smile before his heart all but stops in his chest. Boyish panic floods his veins like ice water as Isla tugs back the covers and slips into the bed. Not able to help the way he was breathing in small and desperate puffs that sounded like rolling thunder to his own ears, he's eventually forced to gasp in an actual breath lest his lungs give out.
As Isla's arms tangle around him and he feels the press of her against him, it isn't some porno reprisal that flashes through his mind, but of Carmelita. The last time he'd had a woman in his arms had been over six years ago, and she had died.
Because he had killed her.
At first Remi's hands are stiff, not quite able to find anywhere appropriate to settle, before he exhales softly and wraps his arms around the doctor. Pressing his face against the top of her head, he tries to hold back a sob, succeeding only in tensing his body before it hiccups out past his lips anyway. [say]"I just...I just wanted to feel.."[/say] He mumbles, feeling suddenly like he owed her an explanation. [say]"..even if the only thing I can feel is sad."[/say]
RE: cut our teeth and make our bones right here - Isla - 07-28-2023
[say]"It's okay,"[/say] Isla assures him, her voice slightly muffled against the crook of his neck, her arms remaining securely around him. [say]"I don't blame you for that. Even feeling sad is better than feeling nothing. Feel however you want - I'll be right here."[/say] And just like that, even having stepped back into her professional corner not five minutes before, here's Isla blurring the lines all over again.
[say]"You are not more palatable as a man, by the way,"[/say] she adds, smoothing gentle hands down the length of his back. [say]"I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. And if you ever need to hug it out as a wendigo, just let me know."[/say] For now, though, he is a man, and so Isla can't put her money where her mouth is just yet.