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+---- Thread: Always get sad on my birthday (/showthread.php?tid=9628)
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Always get sad on my birthday - Maea - 06-15-2024
It was raining. A gray haze had swallowed the sun and sent sheets of torrentuous downpour washing over Haulani. It rushed from ceilings and downspouts, trickled over paved squares and boardwalks, making wood slippery and treacherous. For the first time since setting foot in Torchline, Maea felt chilled. Sitting crosslegged on the rim of the fountain before the courthouse, she watched the surface ripple and distort the shadowed reflection of herself, until it became impossible to tell who was looking back. Hard droplets pattered against her head, soaking the plain shirt and wide-legged trousers all through until it laid plastered against the skin. Every now and then a silvery note shimmered into the air, from the bells that dangled off her wide arching horns; but save for the slowly swaying tail that spilled over the edge of the fountain into the water, she remained still. Unmoving, like a pale statue forgotten on its way somewhere else.
An official looking person had offered her to wait inside, to be plied with tea and treats and a warm fire. Maea had declined. Her business wasn't official. Actually she wouldn't call it business at all; she just hoped to see Hadama, but had been told the King was busy, and would she like to leave a message? She declined that too. Wasn't sure what to say, for one, and for the other... Something about that grand building and all the imagery of the Herald of Life made her uncomfortable. She just wanted to talk to her friend, not the King or the Demigod. Sometimes it was hard to reconcile those roles with the person who had tied wreaths in her kitchen, or sparred with her in a dingy gym.
Better to wait here, where the distance between them wouldn't seem quite so wide. Maea could be patient when she wanted to be. Sooner or later he should pass by, and she would figure out what to say.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Hadama - 06-15-2024
It was sooner rather than later when Hadama emerged from the Court, emerald eyes going to the fountain curiously until they landed on a familiar pale figure seated on its edge. The aide had waited for him to finish looking over the proposal for removing the Void Horror from the beach before telling him about the woman who had come seeking him but refused to wait indoors. It had been an intriguing enough mystery to draw him from behind his desk and to the doors of the Court.
What he saw there drew him out into the rain. In respect for the season and how much easier his human(ish) form became chilled he had put on a light linen shirt today, but it was quickly soaked through as he strode to the fountain. He did not appear to notice or mind the water falling down from the sky, much less his resemblance to a refugee from a wet t-shirt contest. Instead he moved with his usual dignity to settle on the fountain's edge next to his friend and tilted his head at her, considering the image she presented.
"I cannot keep the rain off you anymore," he admitted, a note of apology in his deep voice. "But there is a bar nearby. It is quiet this time of day, if you would join me for a drink?"
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Maea - 06-15-2024
He moved quietly for such a large man. She didn't realize he was there until he sat down next to her. So deep in her own thoughts was she that her reaction came slowly, head turning long before her eyes focused enough to actually see him. The smile was just as slow in the coming, and didn't quite reach her eyes.
[say]"That's alright. I don't mind the rain."[/say] Twisting to measure the distance between the court and the fountain, Maea registered the state of Hadama's clothes. That she was far worse off didn't really matter, but for some reason it bothered her to have inconvenienced him. [say]"Are you sure? If you are busy I can wait... or come back later."[/say] She had time. An overabundance of it; a few hours or another day meant nothing.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Hadama - 06-16-2024
After the warmth of their evening spent decorating her house the difference now could not be more stark. Even though Hadama was painfully aware of the reason for it, he still regretted the loss of her easy smile and the simple pleasure of enjoying an evening together. She had been so cold in his arms when he had carried her inside...
He did not mind the rain, either, but even though Torchline was tropical it was still Deepfrost and the rain held a note of chill to it. He considered her answer, and then her question, tilting his head to look back to the court as he followed her gaze. "Mmh." He gave it due thought: the logistics still needed to cordon off the affected beach, guard rotations to post on land and in the water, and the continuing pursuit of their regional quest... And then he looked back at Maea and nodded slowly. "I am sure."
He stood and offered his hand to help her up before beginning to lead the way to the small bar, almost certain to be empty of all but the proprietor this early in the afternoon. "It is... difficult. To see you hurting yourself," he admitted quietly as they made their way through the rain and finally under the small awning that protected the bar's door during the rains.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Maea - 06-16-2024
Blinking against the raindrops that caught in her lashes, Maea waited patiently for Hadama to make up his mind. It was one of the things she liked about him. He gave things proper consideration, so that when he made his mind up any answer could be fully trusted.
She didn't object once he decided, only accepted his hand and let him pull her to her feet. The brief connection of their hands left her fingers aching with a new awareness of how cold they had become, and her movements were a bit sluggish as she followed her friend across the street.
Pausing with her hand on the door, Maea tilted her head and gazed up at him, surprised by the admission. Inhaling to respond, she caught herself before the lie could spill over. That she wasn't hurting. That she was fine, no need to worry. She couldn't hold his gaze for more than a few moments before it fell to the ground. She sighed. [say]"Sorry. It's a bad habit."[/say] One she would need to be far less sober to address, if that was where this conversation was going.
Pushing the door open, a rush of warm air greeted them. As Hadama had promised the bar was quiet at this time of day. A vixen of a woman stood behind the bar with a rag in hand, dusting bottles and taking stock, while a few locals sat hunched over lists of this and that. Merchants, perhaps? Not that it mattered, as her feet brought her shuffling towards the bar. [say]"What do you want?"[/say] she asked over her shoulder, meaning to order for the both of them while Hadama found a seat.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Hadama - 06-16-2024
He nodded acceptance of her answer, guilty of his own bad habits that were difficult to break. Whether or not she was trying to break this one was not his business, perhaps, but it did not stop him from worrying about her. Since there was nothing else he could do in the moment he settled for leading them both out of the rain and into a bar that was, at least, dry and warm in comparison to the Deepfrost downpour outside.
Ducking his head to get inside, he straightened up within though the ceiling was only a bare few inches above the top of his scalp. He nodded to the bartender, who returned his greeting with an arched brow and then a nod of her head towards a back corner which was currently empty and as far from the other patrons as it was possible to get in the small room. "A mojito. Iced," he murmured to Maea, moving to secure the location while she procured the drinks.
When she returned he had settled onto the chair gingerly, making the small table look even smaller. He had chosen to put his back to the door, allowing Maea the seat that would give her a view of anyone entering or coming over and when she set the drinks down he inclined his head in thanks and wrapped a hand around his chilled glass but did not yet take a drink, content to wait in comfortable silence until Maea was ready to speak.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Maea - 06-16-2024
With drinks in hand and the gaze of the bartender at her back, Maea joined Hadama at the table. Surprised to find the best seat left open to her, she settled in and took a sip of her own drink. It tasted sweetly of tropical fruits and rum, treacherously easy on the throat even though it probably packed a serious punch. That was fine. She was beyond caring about getting drunk while the sun was still up.
The silence settling over their corner wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but it did pressure her into finding something to say. There was a lot, and nothing, and even the easier places to start felt like slippery slopes and pitfalls leading right to points of no return. But that was just her normal, right? The big fallacy was thinking it would ever have changed.
Clearing her voice, Maea gingerly peeled a few strands of wet hair from her cheek. [Say]"I never thanked you for standing with me, during the meeting,"[/say] she began. [Say]"It... meant a lot. So, thank you."[/say] Lifting her gaze from the drink, her pale eyes sought his, earnest despite the shadows that still lingered about her.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Hadama - 06-17-2024
Hadama sipped at the minty freshness of his mojito, patient and willing to give Maea as much time as she needed to find the words to begin. Although he could have guessed what brought her to Torchline today to sit in the rain and punish herself, any assumptions would have been just that: jumping to conclusions. It was better to wait and be certain rather then pressuring a friend into a conversation they were not yet ready to have.
Still, the gratitude that came next was not entirely unexpected. Hadama dipped his head in acceptance of her thanks, and when he raised his head again it was to meet her eyes with steadfast calm. "You are welcome." He had not wanted to watch her die. He had made that realization and moved, slow and deliberate, to place himself in danger at her side.
All the rest that had come from that choice was now something they both had to live with.
And though he wanted to offer her an avenue of escape in their conversation, he could sense that there was more to come. The meeting itself... hung between them, the white whale in the room, but he would not force how and when Maea chose to address it.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Maea - 06-17-2024
Looking into his eyes, she found them unreadable. That they were friends she did not doubt. Though it wasn't a long acquaintance they had crossed paths often enough and in such wildly different situations that any reluctance would have made itself apparent by now. But it wasn't like they knew each other well either. Tidbits shared here and there were drops in an ocean of ignorance, and it was partly the reason why Maea wasn't sure what to say. Or rather, how to say what weighed on her.
In the end, there was nothing for it but to simply lay it all out. A long draught of her drink - liquid courage she didn't usually fall back on - emptied the glass neatly in half before she let out a sigh.
[say]"I regret leaving the room,"[/say] she admitted softly. [say]"I wish I hadn't. Even if it was the smart thing to do... it wasn't right."[/say] Ultimately they had left behind people who never got that same chance, to clean up a situation she had created and he had fed into. It didn't really matter that nothing happened or that it may have de-escalated tensions in the end - it still left her with an aftertaste of shame.
And more than one question, that left her gazing at Hadama as if the answers stood to be read somewhere in his face. [say]"... why did you back me up? Why did you leave the room with me? I am grateful, but... I don't understand."[/say]
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Hadama - 06-17-2024
He watched her gulp her drink and took a sip of his own, offering what silent support that he could while she gathered her courage for what was to come next. An uncomfortable conversation, perhaps, but also one that needed to happen before too much time passed since that day, and Maea did not hesitate any longer. The first admission was one he understood, and he inclined his head in acknowledgment of the raw honesty in her voice. Decisions had been made like dominoes falling once Dahlia had entered the room, tipping too fast to consider all possible consequences. They had both made mistakes in the moments that followed, some of which might never be repairable.
All each of them could do was try, in their own way.
But it was what followed that gave him pause, the question one that was not so different from what Flora had asked him afterwards and yet so much heavier coming from Maea's tongue. Hadama's silence was turned inward as he bowed his head over his drink, eyes closed as he breathed deeply and sought the words that his friend deserved. "Leaving the room," he said slowly, choosing the answer the second question first, though perhaps it was the hardest to speak and to hear, "was because I thought that you would return immediately if someone was not with you. Perhaps with some weapon. Or with only your determination to stop Dahlia." And her pride, swallowed once already at Sunjata's coaching for the sake of those gathered... and no true understanding of how far it could be pushed. They were friends, yes, but there was a great deal about each other that they did not know, especially when the pressure was high.
And if he had erred too far on the side of caution after acting too recklessly in taking his stand, there would be consequences of that, too.
"I stood with you because I could not watch you killed." The words, once found, were unexpectedly simple, and Hadama released the breath that he had half-held while he had turned the question around in his mind. "And I hoped that Dahlia would hesitate to strike down a leader. When she might not hesitate to attack a council member." In hindsight a foolish gamble, as he had admitted to Flora. It had been the wrong call for several reasons, but that was far easier to say after the fact with the results of all actions laid out and intentions made clear.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Maea - 06-17-2024
Stirring the ice in her glass with a finger, her silence stretched out long after Hadama had finished explaining. It made sense, she supposed, in the same way that leaving had made sense. That still didn't mean that it sat right with her. Instead of standing with her as equals and allies... she had been protected. Two times over, even, Sunjata's blasé dismissal of her capability notwithstanding. A frown drew her pale brows together, painting lines across a forehead that seemed far too youthful for such troubled marks.
[say]"Out of everyone in that room... I should have been the least of your concern,"[/say] she eventually said, rubbing a hand over her eyes with a sigh. [say]"Don't get me wrong, Hadama, I appreciate the sentiment... I wouldn't want to see you killed either. But you are more than just my friend. And I am not your subject."[/say] Not yours to protect at the cost of all else. There was a burn starting up in her chest. Whether from anger or alcohol she couldn't tell; not that it mattered.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Hadama - 06-17-2024
There was a great deal to think about in the silence, and Hadama did not make another move to break it once he had answered Maea's questions as best he could. His gaze rose to rest on the wall above her head while she worked through her reactions to his words. A picture hung there, a painting of the Docks from before the War; before floating islands and the fracturing of the coast. Things had not been any simpler then for Caido, but they had been for him. Before a crown, and a region, and the sweet burn of starlight in his bones.
He returned his gaze to her as she spoke, and he tilted his head in acknowledgment of her first statement. "Yes," he said simply. But his brevity had caused a misunderstanding that he would have let stand with most others. Not now, however. Not with Maea, who had earned a full disclosure from the Tidebreaker. His voice, deep and quiet, did not extend beyond the alcove, granting them at least some privacy as the others in the bar went about their business. "The decision to stand with you... was unwise." He lifted his glass but did not drink from it for the moment. "It was emotional, not rational." He drew a breath in deeply through his nose and let it out slowly, watching her above the rim of his glass. "But the decision to ask you to leave that room was not for your protection. Though it was a side effect I do not regret."
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Maea - 06-17-2024
A muscle worked in her jaw, testament to the effort it cost her to remain calm. He didn't make this any better; worse than being protected was the notion that he apparently hadn't trusted her.
[say]"You really thought I would throw myself at Dahlia in a blind rage?"[/say] A huffed fragment of laughter carried both incredulity and a touch of hurt. [say]"No, don't answer that. It's fine. It really does seem like I am the only one who thinks I did the right thing. I had hoped that was why... but clearly not."[/say]
Pushing the drink aside, she slumped down in the seat, mouth pressed into a thin line as her eyes trailed unseeing across the room. The dim light swallowed up all color in them and turned them dark and stormy, as dull as the clouds outside.
RE: Always get sad on my birthday - Hadama - 06-18-2024
If he found irony in being lectured on his duties as a leader from someone who had never held the post herself Hadama did not show it. And if she did not want the truth from him but instead some pretty lie, then she truly did not know him well.
No better than he knew her, in fact.
She stopped him before he could answer her question, but his gaze was calm and level and willing to meet hers in spite of the hurt in her eyes. Because she had risen to challenge Dahlia, with no more thought for the others in the room than he had given them. Nor had he forgotten the high, desperate emotion in her that had barely waited until they had reached the top of the stairs to break free, or how she had immediately wanted to turn and head back while in that state. But he respected her request and kept his mouth shut except to take a drink to soothe his throat.
She glowered past him, looking even smaller than she usually did, and Hadama slowly lowered his glass as he considered the conundrum of the pale woman. "What did you expect to happen when you confronted her?" His tone was neutral, the question one of genuine curiosity as he sought to understand her better now that the distance between them had been laid so bare.