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(SE) long shot - Astaroth - 07-05-2024
There is a lot to be said about the effects of the sun, especially for the butcher having grown so used to LongNight and the Deepfrost before with the lack of sun. The last week has left him starved for it, and it brings him out further, traveling quite a distance this time to enjoy the warmth alongside the sun, even if it’s not entirely the golden Longheat sun he wishes it were.
Dressed well, as always, it is an outfit made for work. Sleeves rolled up, the butcher finds himself on the docks, helping to clean up any messes left behind from adventurous souls during the darkest week. Setting up a burn pile beside a save pile, Astaroth spends much of the afternoon sorting items here and there, utilizing his magic to keep the bonfire burning (and helping it along in case of any particularly water logged items).
RE: (SE) long shot - Maea - 07-05-2024
She was headed out. Off, gone, away - like a race horse bolting from its pen the moment dawn's first light hit the horizon. Maea never recalled Longnight being that fucking long in all her years, nor did she think she'd ever come out of it in worse condition. Sleep deprived, hungry and fed up on the sight, scent, smell and feel of people anywhere near herself, she had fled back to the house and dropped into bed like a dead. Later, when she recalled her own name again and had sated the worst of her hunger on an unfortunate hare, she began to pack a bag.
In the time it took her to travel from one end of the region to the other, she did some thinking. A lot of it, in fact, and most of it circled around abstract notions of duty, honor, respect and other topics that no doubt would have Danta scoffing and Asta rolling his eyes, but which were important to her and had everything to do with both of them. What they were, what she was, and perhaps more importantly what they were to her. It had been easy to say that she wanted nothing to do with them. But by the time she reached the port town and felt the damp of the sea and tasted salt on the wind, she had already begun to miss them.
It seemed ironic that the tall, dark figure of the Butcher came into view almost as soon as she'd spotted a ship making ready to head out. Stopping in a street corner, Maea gazed hesitantly between the unfurling sails and Asta, who diligently kept tossing trash onto a blazing bonfire. Snowmelt dripped from rooftops, and trees, trickling and dripping along streets and freezing into slick patches in the shade, only to melt again in the bright sunlight. It left much of the Deepfrost debris sodden and unwilling to burn - and she didn't know whether she wanted to run for the hills or linger for a day more to help him.
Somehow, she doubted that he even wanted her help.
Making up her mind, Maea approached the man with the bag slung over her shoulder, skirts held above the soggy ground with one hand. [say]"Asta? Can I have a moment?"[/say] If not, she would keep going. It was up to him.
RE: (SE) long shot - Astaroth - 07-05-2024
It’s easy and content work, mind numbing mostly, but made up by the time spent imagining exactly how he wished to complete the shrine for Dygra, now that its location is officially picked. He has enough focus to inspect the items in his hands, though. A few items get tossed into the bonfire and another inspected a bit more thoroughly to be able to be recycled, and the butcher steps over to set it down in that specific pile when he hears his name from lips that had most recently held the potentially most upsetting things he’s heard in centuries.
Glancing over his shoulder toward her as he sets the item down, he clears his throat. “[say]That depends on if you intend to make ridiculous comparisons again.[/say]” His accented tone rumbles out before he straightens with a soft sigh, brushing away debris from his hands and raising the bonfire a bit higher and brighter, craving some of the warmth.
Giving her his full attention, he shifts his weight a little and his tail waves idly behind him as he scans her and makes note of the bag slung over her shoulder. “[say]What would you like to discuss?[/say]” He finally gives the true answer, settled in with his arms crossed along his chest, waiting quite patiently.
RE: (SE) long shot - Maea - 07-05-2024
She could, Maea supposed. Stopping once she was face to face with the man and craning her neck back to find and meet his gaze, there was no end to the list of things she had yet to unpack and examine and discuss with him. But that was the thing. She wanted to talk, not argue. Wanted to know if there was any common ground to find between them, whether his way of doing things had any place in the kind of life she wished to lead.
Inhaling slowly, the sigh that slipped from her was long and quiet, as bracing as it was grounding. [say]"If I do, I would hope that they are not ridiculous or insulting comparisons,"[/say] she answered earnestly. [say]"Mostly I wanted to say that I never meant to compare you to the person who attacked me, or insinuate that you'd ever do something like that. If that's how you interpreted it, then I wasn't expressing myself clearly enough, and for that I am sorry."[/say]
It was as good a place to begin as any. If it was all he would tolerate from her today that was fine too; the ship had yet to leave the harbor, and if she hurried she would be able to make it onboard. If Asta was willing to talk, though... there would be others, some other day.
RE: (SE) long shot - Astaroth - 07-05-2024
There’s a hardened edge to his gaze that watches her maneuver her words around in a way he absolutely does not expect, softening ever so slightly when she insinuates that any future comparisons would not be made as such horrible things — already a bone given enough for the sudden tension in his shoulders to relax a fraction, horned head tilting as he regards the rest of what she has to say.
Nodding a short enough agreement, his arms loosen from where he’s crossed them across his chest. “[say]That is how it sounded, yes.[/say]” Astaroth rumbles with the edge of a sigh leaking into his accented tones, gaze drifting from her for a heartbeat of a second to stare at the bonfire he continues to keep burning. “[say]Thank you for the apology.[/say]” It still burns deep within the butcher’s subconscious, but at least for now he finds that his tongue no longer tastes like ash. And while there isn’t entirely forgiveness there yet (whether she meant it or didn’t), there is an olive branch offered for a chance at it in the future.
He doesn’t move just yet, though, continuing to watch her under the impression that she has more to say, and so he settles onto his heels a bit firmer, as if awaiting a more level headed conversation.
RE: (SE) long shot - Maea - 07-05-2024
It hurt, to be looked at like that. Cold, like she had been cut off from the steady calm and tolerance she had come to expect from Asta. Maea supposed that's what happened when you called someone a monster. Even if it was true... She stopped herself before spinning further down that line of thinking. It wasn't helpful, and it wouldn't get her anywhere. Nodding quietly when he accepted her apology, she looked down at her feet for a moment, shifting her weight from heel to toe, back and forth.
[say]"I'll be honest, this is... extremely difficult for me. Everything I have been taught and raised to think of as right and good is telling me to pack up and leave. I talked to Danta... and for now I won't. But... I really don't know how to live with what I know about you. Or the others. I like you. I want to be your friend. But... I also want to be able to live with myself. Right now, those things don't line up."[/say]
Looking up again, traces of the strain she had been under over the past season were etched in her features. She had lost weight, and dark circles beneath her eyes whispered of sleepless nights spent tossing and turning, waking from bad dreams of spindly creatures stalking the shadows. Sometimes they were hunting her. Sometimes she was the creature. It never ended well, and it was growing harder to even close her eyes.
[say]"I know you're unhappy with me. I guess I deserve that. But I am unhappy with you, too - and the only thing I can think of is to talk this through, to... I don't know how to phrase this... to see if there can be any kind of compromise?"[/say] She shrugged. [say]"And before you say I should just learn to accept - that really wouldn't help. If it was that easy, we wouldn't be here now. Do you agree?"[/say]
RE: (SE) long shot - Astaroth - 07-05-2024
Silent and watchful as he is, the butcher remains standing there with his back to the docks, the water glinting reflections of the cloudy sky behind him. His eyes remain focused on her, though, saying nothing to the start of her next series of comments, even as he inspects her and notices how she’s not sleeping, how she’s lost weight. He isn’t exactly the same either, an edge to himself that seems somehow sharper, more calculating, more closely aligning with that famed Butcher of Whitebrim.
“[say]I don’t know what kind of compromise you wish to see.[/say]” He begins after a few long moments of her voice dying on the light breeze between them. “[say]I have told you what I am. I never expected you to understand. But I understood your stance on it. It is why I did not tell you what my intentions were when I left.[/say]” Sighing lightly, Astaroth tries to loosen his shoulders. “[say]You chose to follow me, knowing what I am and what I may, and did, do.[/say]”
Pausing as he starts to move, because he has to do something with his hands right now, he reaches for another tarnished item, inspects it briefly to see its damaged beyond repair, and adds it to his burning pile, when he speaks again. “[say]Compromise is when two sides that do not see eye to eye, make concessions to meet a middle ground. So far, it sounds to me as though you wish for me to give all of the concessions with nothing in return.[/say]” He shrugs casually, wondering what she thought she could offer that would make him change his ways, while he grabs another item to inspect.
RE: (SE) long shot - Maea - 07-06-2024
Setting her bag down on a stack of wood where it wouldn't get wet, Maea wordlessly joined him in the work. She too thought better when her hands were occupied - and it allowed for an outlet should frustration start to mount. So far it did not. He made a good point, and she had to search herself for the points of contention that truly bothered her the most.
[say]"Then... let me ask you this. Do you want me to stay here? Do you care whether I am comfortable and can take pride in my home? That is something I want for you. "[/say] She wished she had a pre-packaged answer for him, but she didn't. The compromise here would probably consist at least in part of her looking away from things she disapproved of... the question was how much Asta was willing to inconvenience himself. If at all.
RE: (SE) long shot - Astaroth - 07-06-2024
There is a moment where the butcher grows a bit more calculating, thankfully distracted by inspecting the item in his hands as she moves to help. It prevents his dark gaze to find her immediately, focusing instead on whether or not the item can be renewed or destroyed, wondering if it were some kind of euphemism for this current conversation. And when she speaks next, it isn’t an answer, because it shouldn’t be his call whether or not she chooses to stay, and it burns against a sensation in the back of his mind to even have this decision put on him.
That, and the way it’s worded feels as much as a trap as anything else has so far. “[say]It is not up to me to tell you to stay or go. I have made my stance clear in the past.[/say]” Each and every time they’ve rubbed up against her hatred of what he does. “[say]If that is what you wish for me to have then you should already understand that I am already compromising. My activities are limited to the infirmary and those who commit crimes fitting of the punishment.[/say]” The item in his hand he decides is too destroyed to be fixed, and it’s with a turn on his heel that he steps over to add it to the pyre, encouraging the fire to continue.
“[say]I am under the impression that you wish I did none of it. However, in the effort of ensuring only your comfort and pride, I would be abandoning that very same thing for me.[/say]” He rumbles, heaving a soft sigh as he turns his dark gaze back over toward the pale woman. He’s already got his self imposed rules, what makes her think that he’d change them all again just because she was the only one who took issue with it?
RE: (SE) long shot - Maea - 07-06-2024
Digging through a pile of what seemed to be discarded or forgotten clothes - gloves, scarfs, hats and the odd boot someone must have lost in a snowdrift -Maea's hands were quickly darkening under a layer of mud and grime. Separating the items into a pile that could be saved or mended, and another that would end up on the pyre, she kept her eyes on the work for the most part. It felt easier than looking at Asta, with less need to master her expressions - she'd always been bad at that anyway, so it was rather pointless.
[say]"It isn't, that's my choice"[/say] she agreed, [say]"but you are in a position to influence it. Danta says you make the rules since it's your job to keep the peace, and that's why I am asking you whether my comfort matters to you."[/say] Straightening for a moment to wipe a smudge of icy slush off her fingers and warm them up, Maea stared off at the horizon. [say]"I'm already compromising too. If it was anyone else - anywhere else - I would be gone already and I'd be screaming about what I saw from every rooftop along the way. But I realize that you're not the worst kind of person there is in this world. I'd even go so far as to say you might be among the better ones. And yet, I still can't sleep at night. The idea alone of what goes on when I'm not looking... it's been the source of my nightmares long before this. Are you saying that I should just live with that? That there's nothing you can or would do to help me be comfortable in this place?"[/say]
Was it not her home too? Or was it simply a place she was permitted to stay in, as long as she kept her mouth shut and ignored her own needs and wishes? That sounded deeply unfair towards her, and towards anyone else who might wish to stay yet did not share the same tendencies as Astaroth. The only reason there weren't more people banging on his door about this was likely because out of everyone, she was the only one who knew. Because he had elected to share this with her.
RE: (SE) long shot - Astaroth - 07-06-2024
“[say]The rules I make and enforce are that of safety. Not comfort.[/say]” Astaroth clarifies — and while the two did cross over on occasion, he’s certain that she’s only uncomfortable because she’s seen behind the curtain. Who’s to say any other region was better? “[say]The two can overlap, of course, but in an effort of keeping people safe, there is always an uncomfortable choice to make.[/say]” Already the tension locks into his shoulders, annoyance flaring that he hides by plucking a broken piece of a stool, half of the spokes broken off and in a variety of pieces, waterlogged, that he adds to the burn pile before snagging another piece of wood that could be salvaged, added to the recycle pile.
She goes on another tangent and he can’t for the life of him figure out why he needs to stop everything he’s done to keep people safe for one person’s comfort when without him it would be left up to the townsfolk that would likely commit worse crimes, and it has a tight set to his jaw as he continues to avoid looking at her. “[say]I am saying you should get better coping mechanisms.[/say]” He answers with a sigh. “[say]But fine, I shall indulge you for a moment. What is it, exactly, you would have me do, so you can sleep better at night?[/say]” He can’t help the bite in his tone, the way his sharp teeth click with each enunciation. He stares at the burn pile, at the fire that rages within it in the effort of tempering his own internal fire.
RE: (SE) long shot - Maea - 07-06-2024
A sodden, broken leather ball poked up from a melting snow drift by a wall. Kindling a touch of magic fire to that it out, it was hard to keep herself from reacting. To simply listen, and consider his side of the situation. It was true what he said. Of course nothing would ever be perfect. It was also undoubtedly true that she was in the minority here, one against a tide of individuals who couldn't care less about how criminals were treated or where a cannibal got his dinner twice a season. No doubt she was the unreasonable one in their eyes, the odd one out, faithless in her lack of trust that anything Dygra's children did could ever be anything but perfect and valid and alright.
But did that mean that she didn't matter? That her voice shouldn't be listened to?
Her silence was rewarded with a concession. Or the consideration of one, at any rate. A promise to at least listen. If it hurt that he found her ridiculous, Maea swallowed the pain and buried it in her chest along with the rest; this wasn't the time, or the place.
Drawing a deep breath, her gaze returned to the sky. Blue, vast, nearly free from clouds. It reminded her of Halo, the way the sun glistened and gleamed on moldering snow... And an idea came to her, that at least didn't seem completely unreasonable.
[say]"Halo..."[/say] she murmured, still formulating her thoughts as she began, [say]"they exile their criminals. That's not a kindness; the climate makes it a punishment that might be as bad, or worse, than death."[/say] Leaning down to pick up the broken ball, she tossed it on Asta's pyre. It felt like a sacrifice - her childish notions of peace and prosperity against his burning need for complete freedom - and faced the tall man again. [say]"What if we did the same here? What if the Inner Quarter - preferably all of the Hollowed Grounds, but I could settle for the Inner Quarter - was designated as a haven for those who, like me, find no pleasure in the things that you and others do? We are building that portal to the Climb. It wouldn't be difficult to send rule-breakers there, away from this place. And whatever happened on the other side of the fire... I would have nothing to say about that."[/say]
The Wilds was a no-man's-land, Dygra's own playground, and for all that Maea still couldn't accept cannibalism on a general principle, she also recognized that what happened outside the habitable regions was out of her control. [say]"The Dusklight has separate rooms for different types of activities. Am I asking too much, if I wish that we separate where we live and hunt, too? "[/say]
It was a general idea, a suggestion, a plea; she hoped he could at least consider it. That it wouldn't be too much of an imposition when the Climb would be a simple step away - well out of sight, out of mind, where he could do whatever he wanted without hiding or being mindful of anyone else. Just like she wouldn't have to turn her eyes away and pretend not to see or notice within the Grounds.
RE: (SE) long shot - Astaroth - 07-06-2024
Staring at the fire does little to temper the one beginning to rage in him, so much so that he’s stock still aside from how his jaw works, aside from the quiet “[say]I am from Whitebrim, I know what it is like.[/say]” That’s grit out. But he silences himself because he told her he would listen, but he doesn’t expect the words that fall from her lips to hit him like a fucking brick. His sharp teeth accidentally bite down on the inside of his cheek and a flood of iron coats his tongue that he nearly chokes on in the laugh that barks out of him.
“[say]First— First of all, the portal is to be built within the bonfire, is it not? If they were not Ancient, they likely wouldn’t make it past the fire in the first place and simply burn to death.[/say]” His chest feels impossibly tight as he reaches up to wipe at the corner of his mouth where a streak of blood has tried to escape. “[say]Second, I thought you had just apologized for my misunderstanding that you insinuated that the man that attacked you and I were the same.[/say]” There’s an unamused smile that graces his face in half a grimace, one side of his mouth tinged red with the blood still in his mouth.
“[say]But now you wish for me to treat them with the very same punishment I endured?[/say]” His voice is a touch shaky, as if thinking about the mere idea of it has brought him back, beaten and tied down in the Climb for the gore crows to feast on day after day.
Another laugh leaves him, this one a touch manic as the bonfire flames lift higher in reaction to the inner turmoil and he turns from her, hands lifting to rake through his hair, to try and calm himself down. “[say]Everything— Everything I have done or do in the future is torture and monstrous to you, but gods, Maea. It is a mercy compared to that. It is mercy.[/say]” His voice cracks, tail that had started to lash stills so suddenly as it snakes around his leg and his shoulders bunch with a vibration of tension that seems to suggest he wants to either implode or combust.
RE: (SE) long shot - Maea - 07-06-2024
[say]"Wha - "[/say] The laughter caught her completely off guard. His initial point was so minor that she wondered why it was even an issue - it would be a simple task to bend the fire away from anyone who wasn't Ancient. She could do it, he could, if someone wasn't meant to be harmed by walking through that portal, it could be done - but she cut herself off as Asta pressed on.
And the second point left her gaping, so utterly confused that it couldn't even be feigned.
[say]"What punishment? What do you mean?"[/say] Bewildered, she stared at him, wrecking her brain over the few scraps of information she had been granted of his past. [say]"You've told me you left home because of how the women treated you, and that you were taken in by Ancients after being wounded... Have I missed something?"[/say] Was she supposed to know something about him that explained why exile was less merciful than being carved to pieces while still alive? And what had this to do with that fucking criminal?
The blood in his mouth was alarming enough that she dropped everything she had at hand, reaching out automatically in a desire to help. But she caught herself before ever touching him - the way he turned his back on her practically screamed that this was her fault.
All over again, it was all her fault.