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My bestfriend - Remi - 04-07-2022
[say]I[/say]s[say]l[/say]a,
There is s[say]o[/say] much I want to say to you, but e[say]ve[/say]r[say]y[/say] time I try and put my th[say]ou[/say]ghts and feel[say]i[/say]ngs into words it al[say]l[/say] seems just like ink [say]o[/say]n a page—because that is all it is I suppose, and all it e[say]ve[/say]r will be now. All I will ever be, at an[say]y[/say] rate. It leaves me feeling h[say]o[/say]llow and desperate; wanting just a little more time so that I co[say]u[/say]ld somehow get [say]i[/say]t al[say]l[/say] d[say]o[/say]wn, but we both know that will be[say]ve[/say]r happen. Words have never been m[say]y[/say] str[say]o[/say]ng s[say]ui[/say]t, and [say]l[/say]eaving things f[say]o[/say]r another day will not change that.
But you already know that, because you know me. That's why we are in the mess, after all. In reading this far you probably ha[say]ve[/say] already[say]y[/say] figured [say]ou[/say]t what it is [say]I[/say] am going to do (or will[say]l[/say] have d[say]o[/say]ne, by the time this reaches you). I would ha[say]ve[/say] liked to keep believing that we could have made things work, but after such a close call in Stormbreak I realized that the risk of permanent death for me, and of watching [say]you[/say]rself be forced [say]i[/say]nto kil[say]l[/say]ing me was just to[say]o[/say] close. I could ha[say]ve[/say] been smarter in Stormbreak—and should have—but no amount of planning could keep us apart forever.
I am sorry for the position that I put [say]you[/say] in—with the Voice and the ascended— and even more sorry that you are now the sole bearer of everything that ever was between us. I hope you know that it is only because [say]I[/say] would have [say]love[/say]d [say]you[/say] uncond[say]i[/say]tionally unit[say]l[/say] the end [say]o[/say]f my days, that I had to do this. I ha[say]ve[/say] been on both sides of it before, of forgetting and being forgotten. The next time I see [say]you[/say] [say]i[/say]t will[say]l[/say] be with n[say]o[/say] recognition whatsoe[say]ve[/say]r, and though the tears I cry for [say]you[/say] now will not make it any easier for you in the future, please know [say]I love you[/say]. Know that [say]I love[/say]d [say]you[/say] as best as I could, which was not always what you deserved, but gods did [say]I love you[/say] the only way I knew how.
L[say]i[/say]fe will[say]l[/say] g[say]o[/say] on for me, and though I won't realize it, things will be[say]ve[/say]r be the same. Not without [say]you[/say]. If we do meet again and [say]I[/say] am too stubborn or stupid or never have the chance to say, [say]l[/say]et me say n[say]o[/say]w that you are the most beautiful woman I ha[say]ve[/say] ever met. You are strong and w[say]i[/say]se and kind, and your sca[say]l[/say]pels are blunt c[say]o[/say]mpared to the sharpness of your wit and tongue. You are argumentati[say]ve[/say] and infuriating at times, but there is not one single thing about [say]you[/say] I would ever, ever, change.
Before [say]I[/say] send this, I am going to sit and [say]l[/say]et myself miss y[say]o[/say]u while I still can, and remember each and e[say]ve[/say]ry moment that we shared. If [say]you[/say] later hear reports of some monster or other tearing up the Greatwood, you know why.
[say]I love you, I love you, I love you.[/say]
Remi
P.s. Don't make me fall in love with you again, tempting as that might be. (Here is a poorly drawn wink).