Maea ---

Maea,

Deimos told me you're alive. Gods above, I wish I had known.

Still, I understand why you might not have been inclined to tell me. I know I did not get much time to prove to you that I've tried to put the Wordsworth ways behind me, but I would have celebrated your safety no matter our history.

I won't pressure you to see me. Just know that I am grateful you are okay, and I hope you are finding peace and happiness in your own time.

Evie –

For many years I wanted nothing more than to put the past behind me. I still feel uneasy in the Hollowed Grounds, but despite all that haunt this place of ruin and memory, I have yet to find any other home to replace it. At least none where I can go.
In the same vein, I tried to move on from the people I once knew. I am starting to realize that it might have been a mistake. All I have accomplished is leaving myself alone with the ghosts while the rest of you have grown and moved on.

I'll admit it's been difficult, to realize that you have achieved for yourself all the things I used to want. But I really meant it when I told Deimos that I wish you all the best.

Congratulations on your marriage.

 – Maea

Maea,

I have found, in my own searching, that home is something built with intention and not found. That may not be the answer you wish to hear, but it's one I wish I was told back then.

I don't intend to lord around my purported success, but I appreciate your well-wishes. If you find you ever want to talk to someone about the Grounds, or if you want more flesh and blood than ghosts, I am only a letter away.

I appreciate the offer. Am I terrible for accepting it right away, even though I never planned on reaching out to you? It feels selfish, though I suppose that's nothing new, coming from me.

Truth is, I feel terrible about a lot of things. The ghosts I was talking about have as much to do with my own actions as with all that's been lost here. I only escaped death by allying myself with the Voice, and only because I thought I could return to a man who had already discarded me when my needs did not match up with his. When I found that there was nothing waiting for me like I had believed, I did things I can never forgive myself for - things no one should ever forgive in anyone. And I can't mourn her end; even though she gave me life again, I never wanted her to win the war. I should have been content to let that be the end, and returned to Mort where I belong.

But instead of accepting death when it came for me a second time, I keep clinging to life, like I have any right to it. I swore myself to yet another Goddess I don't know, and I keep wondering whether my promises are worth anything at all since I keep breaking them.

You are a bit of a healer, right? Is there a remedy for self loathing? Any cure for this aimlessness, that leave me crestfallen for where to go next?

I am exactly where I was ten years ago; even with intent, I don't know what to do with this existence. I feel more Hollowed than the Grounds have ever been.

Selfishly, a friend only in need

Maea

I hope not to overstep my bounds, but perhaps Ludo is not the herald you find yourself aligned with anymore. People change, it is the nature of all humans to do so. If you fought so hard to live, and found no comfort in going to Mort with the regrets you had, perhaps that's something to examine in yourself. You cannot hold yourself eternally to the choices you made when you were young, or expect them to fit you forever as you grow.

I don't personally believe there is any right or wrong to wanting to cling to life, or being selfish. You were given a chance and you took it, with only the context you had on hand. Hindsight can haunt us unfairly, when we deserve more grace than that.

I am a healer, yes. Magic can do much for the mind; depression, anxiety. It is usually temporary however. Much of the work must be done internally, with or without the guidance of a counselor or support system. I don't have answers to your aimlessness if only because I don't know you as closely as I might have, or wished to. But if you would like that temporary magical reprieve, or suggestions for a therapist, I'm happy to do that for you.

Evie,

Firstly, thank you for listening. I do feel calmer after getting some of these things off my chest. I know we are not as close as we once were, but I find that I still trust you more than I would trust any stranger no matter how well meaning.

Is it strange of me to think it might be a good thing we wound up in different places? I keep having this sense of coming full circle, of being returned to a new beginning. Granted a chance to begin again. Certainly there are burned bridges and things I would like that are barred from me and that is difficult to accept. But there are also moments where I look ahead to the future with something akin to hope.

Is it too late to say that I would like to get to know the person you have become? Would it be alright to ask for at least a one time reprieve, so that I can feel what it's like to truly be okay again? So much time has passed while in a state of misery, I hardly know what it is I am striving for. Borrowing a lantern to check the map (that's the worst metaphor, I'm so sorry) might be just what I need.

Have you ever been to the Climb? I have some things to do there in the near future... If you would care to meet, I can let you know when I'm in the vicinity.

I would love to hear more about what your life has become, too, if you ever feel like sharing.

With hope,

Maea

Maea,

I don't think it's a negative idea at all. The Grounds shaped us, but in the end, we did not have the choice to leave for most of our lives. Even family ties and nostalgia cannot outweigh the reality that other regions may be better suited for us. Even if you re-find that place in the Grounds, I'm glad to hear you have some measure of hope in the wake of all you've gone through.

I don't believe it's too late in the least. Old dogs can always learn new tricks, right? Unfortunately, travel is a little complex for me right now. It's not outside of the realm of possibility, but I would prefer to be somewhere less hot. Is that even doable in the Climb? I admit I'm not an expert on the area.

To new beginnings, yes?

Evie,

That was delightfully cryptic. Now you've made me curious!

There are certainly less heated spots in the Climb; I recall there being caverns beneath the surface, so you should be fine. Bring a lantern, and I'll meet you as close to the Halo border as I can come.

I'm looking forward to seeing you soon!

To new beginnings,

Maea