the blindside

[say]'I love you too'[/say] Remi agrees from behind closed eyes. He wishes he could melt inside of the Huntsman's affections. In the sweetness of Ronin's lips and nowhere else, does the alchemist think he could find comfort.

Relying heavily on Ronin to lead them, Remi wraps an arm around his husband's waist, holding him like a lifeline. [say]"I think I will write her a letter, though...I wonder if I should give you my charm for a while so that you can moderate my mail."[/say] Walking more stiffly now that he has to try and think of all the ways this plan might come undone, Remi kicks a rock placed in his path and sends it hurtling ahead of them. [say]"It will come to light that I have made this choice sooner or later, so perhaps I had better write a letter to myself as well, explaining."[/say]

[say]"I will keep your charm for a while. You can write that in the letter you give to yourself,"[/say] Ronin agrees, meandering them into the woods and letting the darkness envelop them. It's comforting, in some ways, and he gathers Remi closer, nuzzling against his curls. [say]"I'll write you one as well. You can come home, I'll have some wine ready, and your self-written mail ready for you to open."[/say]

Watching the rock go hurtling into the undergrowth, Ronin resists a smile and sneaks a kiss to Remi's cheek. [say]"And then you can get drunk, or go and break things, or weep until there are no more tears. And after that, I'll love you until the sun comes up."[/say]

[say]'I do not look forward to this,'[/say] Remi sighs, and though that seems like it might be a huge understatement, having both been forgotten and have done the forgetting, the alchemist has all too clear an idea of what is in store for him. [say]"I will probably be...fine. That is the worst part of all of it. I will be fine. I will say I had to forget someone for my own safety, that it was for the best, that she would have understood, and...I will believe it. If anyone points her out to me, I'll think a woman? how strange and hardly believe it."[/say] Biting at the inside of his cheeks as new tears push out from behind his closed eyelashes.

Clenching the fingers of the hand not around Ronin's waist as if Remi might somehow turn off the tap of his tears, he opts instead for roughly rubbing at his cheek with Ronin's shoulder. [say]"When I write to her...I will not even be able to say she will always be in my heart or my thoughts, because she won't be. I can't...I can't say anything Ronin...I can't—"[/say] Dropping suddenly to his knees then, Remi feels bile crawling up the back of his throat. Coughing and clenching his eyes closed, the stew they'd had for dinner that evening makes a second appearance as it begins to provide unusual nourishment for the ground beneath them.

Having never forgotten nor done the forgetting, Ronin's pain is of a different sort. He remembers every life he's ever taken, every love he's ever lost, and yet although it might be different, it is no less terrible than what Remi is describing. [say]"You will appear fine,"[/say] he corrects, brushing his fingers down the length of Remi's spine. [say]"But when you look out at the Grounds and feel sad for a reason you can't place, that's still remembering, in a way. Deep down."[/say]

Speaking of which, though, down Remi goes, slipping through Ronin's fingers before he can do much of anything about it. Wincing to see the alchemist brought so low, but simultaneously understanding it, he shifts to kneel beside the other man, guiding him back and against his side. [say]"You're allowed to can't,"[/say] he says softly. [say]"For as long as you need to. We're safe in the woods. This doesn't have to happen right now - we've got time, and I've got you. Okay?"[/say]

Even as the last remnants of food are summarily deposited onto the ground, Remi's stomach continues to heave as if his grief might be something he could exile if only he put in enough effort. Reaching for Ronin with a shaky hand as tears and snot mingle with the strings of saliva anchoring him to the grass, Remi drags in a desperate breath and then another, and another, in between the involuntary motions of his stomach.

[say]'..Right..'[/say] He mumbles at least, gasping once his retching seemed to be done with. Falling heavily back onto his shins, Remi wipes at his nose and mouth with his shoulder, feeling weary and worse off.

[say]"Gods damn the Voice."[/say] Instead of collapsing against Ronin, instead the alchemist offers the Huntsman a steely and predatory stare. [say]"Isla was all that kept me caring about playing fair in all of this."[/say] Against the onslaught of more tears, Remi snarls and presses his teeth together so hard that he can hear the grinding of them louder than his own pulse.

If there is a time where Ronin does not love the bones off his husband, he hasn't found it yet, and this moment is no exception. Rather than coddle or clutch the other man close to him, though, the Huntsman lets out a sharp whistle into the darkness above. A rustling of branches has a pale shape dropping out of the canopy, landing gently about Remi's shoulders. Sugar huffs a cold breath against his temples, her chilly body trying to wick away the nauseous heat from his skin, even as rage replaces grief.

[say]"If I recall,"[/say] Ronin says softly, reaching out to let his fingers brush along Remi's jawline, as if to persuade him away from performing impromptu dentistry on himself, [say]"they were never all that interested in playing fair to begin with. At least we got that upgrade."[/say] So he believes, anyway.

Glancing up in time to see a streak of white blur out of the darkness, it's with a familiar roll of his shoulders that Remi makes appropriate space for Sugar. Her frosty presence is a welcome one, and the alchemist finds himself sighing and releasing tension out of his shoulders and arms he hadn't realized he'd been holding. [say]"Thank you,"[/say] He mumbles to them both, already feeling the headache that was looming behind his eyes begin to dissolve.

Lessening the tension in his jaw by degrees, Remi meets Ronin's eye-line and nods stiffly. [say]"Hunt with me."[/say] He asks (not that it sounds much like a question), while at the same time thinking, [say]I love you endlessly.[/say]

[say]"You don't need to thank me for being there for you. I'm always going to be there for you,"[/say] Ronin says with a lopsided smile, his thumb stroking along the alchemist's stubbled jawline even as Sugar coos softly into his ear. [say]"Both of us are, I ought to say."[/say] Because the pale reptile will absolutely bite his toes if he leaves her out.

[say]Endlessly,[/say] he agrees, sending a pulse of adoration through the Attuned bond towards Remi as he gets to his feet and helps the other man up. Sugar, of course, remains coiled about his shoulders, ready and willing to be a hunting partner in the dark with them. [say]"My pleasure,"[/say] Ronin says, ducking his head to the Lullaby and shaking out his hands (they are quickly overtaken by claws) and melting away into the trees to burn off the rest of the evening.

~FIN