How long can I be a sad song?

Secrets I have held in my heart
Are harder to hide than I thought

It is strangely relieving to be commanded, ordered to feel a certain way. Such is the power a parent wields, and Jude stares unblinking into his mother's face and tries to wrangle his guilt and regret into a little box in the corner of his heart. Not my fault. Not my fault. Not my fault. The lying is just protecting his brother, and it's a weight he can't divest as easily as the guilt of lost lives - but it's one he can carry more easily in comparison.

Slouching into her hold as she gently runs her fingers through his curls, Jude exhales slowly as the stress and hurt start to unfurl piece by piece from his chest, allowing him to breathe once more. Her familiar smell, the soft vibrations of her voice through their connected bodies, even the advice she shares is a shield between Jude and the world at large.

"I asked for space for myself, but I asked her to try and figure things out on her end while I was gone. I just...I'm afraid she'll say anything, or make quick decisions, to get me to come back." Not that he looks down on that reaction, but he knows how afraid Sohalia is of being alone again. How will he be able to trust that she really has done that necessary introspection? "And...what questions do I ask myself? To figure out if I want to grow with her?" Jude has never been particularly good at listening to his heart and emotions, shy and distrusting even of himself. How can he guide his own self-reflection?

I'm standing at the edge of the world
Where do I go from here? Do I disappear?

Jude