Jude
Do you love me like that?
If I keep on driving
Jude is helpless to understand her for the first time since the day they met, and it only deepens the feeling of being lost at sea and unsure of his place. There have always been five constants in his life; Harper, Phoebe, Maeve, Edmund - and Sohalia. The last to be added, yes, but a guiding point that has stayed true even when others have faded.If I keep on driving
His own small spark of injurious confusion fizzles out, only to be replaced by her own fervency. Jude shrugs helplessly all the same. "I was involved one way or the other. I had to do an interrogation even though I reported it, and he still has to confirm my story." By interrogating Edmund. Gods, it makes Jude want to throw up just thinking about it. He never should have said anything in the first place. He'd shrouded his desire for justice in a thin veneer of a plan meant to rally support around the Ancients - but what had he really achieved in the end? Suspicion upon himself and his brother, distance from his girlfriend, being complicit in a crime he'd normally be appalled by but which he couldn't be because of his brother's hand in it?
Maybe it's all of that wrapped into one taking up too much space in his head, or maybe it's all the changes Sohalia herself has undergone in his absence, but it makes it all the harder to read her. Still, his hands come to cradle his head as he drops it forward, shoulders hunching. "I thought I was doing the right thing," his voice comes out, tight and thick with encroaching tears. "But I just - now I've just messed it all up." His fingers find the very ends of his hair and twist tight, pulling until he feels the ache in the roots of his hair. "I-I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Soh. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." The time, the letters, the murders...but they sit at his feet all the same, sure signs of blame.
Would you hold me when we crash?
Or would you let me go?
Or would you let me go?
