With every broken bone, I swear I lived
Spoken in jest or not, it was a valid question. Maea considered it even as she listened to the rest of his reservations, wondering what he saw when he looked at her like that. With her arms full of apples she couldn't reach out to him, though she kind of wanted to, and it seemed awfully forward to just speak her mind.
But she did anyway.
"I could be," she responded quietly. "I haven't had much reason to stay in one place, and people rarely seek me out. Usually I have to move myself if I want to be around others. But I could stay... If that is something you would like." She had never tried being a place for someone to return to. It had never been asked of her, nor had she met anyone whom she wanted to wait for. Except - except maybe this man, right here. At the very least, she wanted a chance to get to know him. For real, little by little, in the small, insignificant ways that were all that really mattered.
"I don't think it's about deserving anything. I just.. like being around you. It feels good. And I want you to feel good, too. Be happy. That's all there is to it." Scratching at a spot on her cheek, embarrassed to be speaking so plainly, she wondered if she was saying too much. "The way I see it... if we don't know what we want to do, or be, then doesn't it mean we can go anywhere? Do anything? I've never been an ambassador before... maybe I'll end up liking it. Maybe I won't. Until I find out... all I can really do is give it my all, until I find the answer."
It wasn't easy. It was difficult and uncomfortable to do something unfamiliar. It was scary and painful to expose herself to things that had once caused her harm. But just like the land around them had changed, so did she have to try and change. Or she would find herself left behind, over and over again.
"But if you don't want to... I don't know... try? That's okay too. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." That would be the same as putting him in a cage, and would defeat the whole point of being enough. And her heart could hammer away as much as it wanted; her half-defined hopes and wishes would simply have to accept whatever outcome. It wasn't like she was even asking for anything.
Honestly, Maea wasn't sure what she was doing. Reaching out? Opening doors? She just wanted Harper to look less miserable and prayed this wasn't just making things worse.
But she did anyway.
"I could be," she responded quietly. "I haven't had much reason to stay in one place, and people rarely seek me out. Usually I have to move myself if I want to be around others. But I could stay... If that is something you would like." She had never tried being a place for someone to return to. It had never been asked of her, nor had she met anyone whom she wanted to wait for. Except - except maybe this man, right here. At the very least, she wanted a chance to get to know him. For real, little by little, in the small, insignificant ways that were all that really mattered.
"I don't think it's about deserving anything. I just.. like being around you. It feels good. And I want you to feel good, too. Be happy. That's all there is to it." Scratching at a spot on her cheek, embarrassed to be speaking so plainly, she wondered if she was saying too much. "The way I see it... if we don't know what we want to do, or be, then doesn't it mean we can go anywhere? Do anything? I've never been an ambassador before... maybe I'll end up liking it. Maybe I won't. Until I find out... all I can really do is give it my all, until I find the answer."
It wasn't easy. It was difficult and uncomfortable to do something unfamiliar. It was scary and painful to expose herself to things that had once caused her harm. But just like the land around them had changed, so did she have to try and change. Or she would find herself left behind, over and over again.
"But if you don't want to... I don't know... try? That's okay too. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." That would be the same as putting him in a cage, and would defeat the whole point of being enough. And her heart could hammer away as much as it wanted; her half-defined hopes and wishes would simply have to accept whatever outcome. It wasn't like she was even asking for anything.
Honestly, Maea wasn't sure what she was doing. Reaching out? Opening doors? She just wanted Harper to look less miserable and prayed this wasn't just making things worse.
maea
