the monsters turned out to be just trees

The white sheep of the family

”Remi.” Loren sank as much compassion into his voice as he could muster. To his surprise, it was quite a lot. ”I am looking you in the eyes now, aren’t I? Yes, I have problems with touch, and accepting help. And yet, here I am, hands on your shoulders, asking you to assist me in reaching the Fae’s village.” That was all because of Remi; the Launceleyn would never had made this much progress without the alchemist’s unwavering belief that the summoner could be better than he was. ”Now let me return just a fraction of the support you have given me. Please.”

As the other man moved closer, the Launceleyn stayed where he was, not daring to twitch even a muscle. Despite the fact that Remi might’ve looked threatening to most—and indeed was rather intimidating—Loren had grown up among the Launceleyns, and had seen more than his fair share of threats as a result. Besides, it was Remi. The other man, no matter how angry he got, wouldn’t hurt another person without cause. ”Six. Six Roses, Remi. At least. And most likely, many more than that. I gathered three too, and I know others did the same.” It was a gentle reminder that, no matter what the other man was feeling, he was not alone in this.

As the alchemist pulled away and then shook his head, Loren fingers tightened on the other man’s shoulders. This wasn’t working, and the Launceleyn had resolved not to move ahead with their task until he’d at least calmed Remi down. So for once the summoner ignored his instincts and his fear and pulled the other man in for a hug. Strangely enough, he found himself relaxing into the motion; this was healing, in a way, and the Launceleyn, despite all his issues, was still a healer at heart more than anything else. His fear couldn't trump his need to help Remi in whatever way Loren could.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

Remi tensed slightly hearing the warmth in Loren's voice, something deep within stirring and wanting to respond in kind. Swallowing, the alchemist merely blinked in response; yes Loren was looking now. But he wasn't really. He couldn't be. "And I am helping you." The alchemist replied, feathers sprouting uncertainly throughout his curls.

The alchemist merely tossed his head slightly in indignation. The point was, the amount of roses was finite. It depended on those within the Hollowed Grounds to plant them. Though the alchemist knew little of divine intervention, in his current state it certainly seemed to him to be the laziest effort to help.

With a weary and frustrated sigh echoed by his posture, Remi remained bound by the Launceleyn's grip. Tightening his jaw to give Loren an embittered stare, he found himself suddenly pulled forward into a hug. Though the alchemist's appreciation for physical contact was no secret, he remained stiff in the summoner's embrace. On the one hand it felt like absolutely nothing, not with so many layers of various pelts and such between them. Like being embraced by a pillow. On the other though, he could feel the warmth of Loren's breath and the small amount of heat that radiated from his cold cheeks; it made him shiver, and not simply because of the cold. "You.." Remi's voice was a whisper, one that sounded strangled and uncertain. "... do not need to do that. I know you hate it." He added after a moment turning his head slightly towards Loren's if only to better speak into his ear, though keeping his arms still at his sides.

The white sheep of the family

Further words didn’t seem worth it, at least until Loren found out how Remi responded to physical contact. It turned out the other man reacted very very poorly; idly, in the back of the summoner’s mind, he wondered if this was how it felt when other people hugged him. If so, Loren had a lot more apologizing to do than he’d realized. ”I do need to, though we’ll probably agree to disagree about that. Regardless, I want to. And I don’t hate this. Honestly. But if you don’t believe that, at least believe that I hate seeing you hurting far more.” Giving the alchemist a gentle squeeze, the Launceleyn felt himself smiling at the other man’s stubbornness. ”Come on, Remi, this is what you wanted. Are you really going to make me stand here feeling like an idiot, or are you going to hug me back?” Loren found himself holding his breath as he waited for the response.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

The alchemist's lips parted to labour precisely that: he didn't want Loren's perfunctory routines. He didn't want his good manners, his right things to do. He wanted a friend, not a walking book on decorum. About to say as much, the words were abandoned on his tongue as Loren continued: I want to. Oh. Well he certainly could have fooled Remi.

That it was what Remi wanted was unclear. Hugs helped to be sure, but when it came to the summoner, the alchemist was hard pressed to put to words what it was he did need from him. Or more precisely perhaps, what he was allowed to need. Before he might have let his mind puzzle it out, unexpectedly, the summoner made him laugh, and Remi found himself begrudgingly shaking his head and pulling Loren towards him. It still felt like hugging a skeleton wrapped in feathers, but perhaps that was all for the best.

Leaning his head against Loren's shoulder and bristling against the pin-pricks of tears against the back of his eyes, it was the overwhelming smell of someone normal that ultimately made Remi's knees feel weak and unstable. He'd kept his distance from Ianto for obvious reasons, Sam smelled of nothing, the closest he and Deimos had been was drinking across from one another, Bastien smelled of all sorts of garish things, and Jigano and the alchemist were only close when they were shifted.

But this?

This was everything Ronin currently wasn't. Remi feared that his heart had been shattered too many times that eventually when the pieces were reassembled it would resemble nothing remotely like what it had been. Hope and faith did not suitable band-aids make, not anymore. "I am not okay." Remi whispered into the fur-lining of Loren's coat, the words balanced on a stream of air that threatened to warble into a sob at any moment.

The white sheep of the family

When Remi laughed, Loren felt hope kindle in his chest. When the alchemist’s arms finally came up to hold the summoner, he felt that he could breathe again. And when the other man whispered, the Launceleyn just held Remi all the more tightly. ”I know. And you don’t have to be okay right now.” Loren’s own voice came out softly as well. It was all he could manage under the circumstances.

He suddenly wondered why he’d been avoiding touch since his return if it could provide them both with so much comfort. Well, it wouldn’t be the first time he called himself a fool and it probably wouldn’t be the last. At least he’d figured it out in time to help his friend when he needed it the most. Maybe Loren’s timing wasn’t so terrible after all.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

"Right now." Remi chuckled darkly, but there was an undercurrent of actual humour there. Closing his eyes tightly, enough for a line of tears to appear between his clenched lashes, the alchemist easily followed the Launceleyn's lead in tightening his grip. Holding onto the bulky ripples of fabric hardly made up for human contact, but it was what he had. "He has not been home in weeks. He..."  Tears bubbled painfully out, threatening to freeze on his skin as emotion clogged his throat. Snuffling pathetically, the alchemist shook his head against Loren's shoulder.

Letting the tension in his body go, not having realized that his muscles were mostly taut, Remi pulled back an inch or so if only to breathe air that he hadn't just unsteadily gasped out against the summoner's shoulder. And he felt...Loren. The hair on his unshaven cheeks sending a shiver down his spine as they brushed against the other man and his jacket. Remi's skin keenly noting where it had been warmed by Launceleyn's proximity and where it hadn't. The alchemist's grip of the other man released as he pulled his arms away, far too aware of too many things now. The most glaring and distracting of all being, oh. that's why.

Still just as close perhaps, Remi's tear-filled gaze hovered somewhere around Loren's throat, his lashes fluttering uncertainly (and also because of the way the frigid air wanted to freeze the moisture instantly).

The white sheep of the family

Well, Remi’s laughter was dark this time, but at least it was laughter. And then there were the tears Loren had known were lurking just below the surface of the other man's mind: the Launceleyn knew from personal experience what a release those could be once the first ones finally fell. Although all he wanted to do was reassure the alchemist that it was okay to be not okay forever, if that’s what the other man needed, and that Ronin would come home in the end, which was all that mattered, the summoner wasn’t going to make any promises he couldn’t keep. All he, all they could do was keep trying.

As the other man pulled away, Loren released the alchemist. Still, they remained close, one more barrier broken down between them. Though the Launceleyn noted Remi’s proximity, the summoner had so firmly placed the alchemist in the no longer available category for so many very good reasons that the thought of what that might entail never even occurred to him. And if Loren’s body was responding in certain predictable ways, well, at this point he was almost an expert at ignoring inconvenient feelings. It helped that we was much too cold for his thoughts to trend in a more heated direction. All he felt was concern for his friend.

In fact, all the summoner did was make a cloth for Remi to wipe away his tears before they froze his eyes shut. Holding it out for the other man, the Launceleyn smiled. ”You know, if you want to pounce on me, I probably wouldn’t throw a manticore at you this time. Alternatively we could finally have that contest you were so keen on.” Hopefully the absurdity of those ideas would garner Loren another laugh, a real one this time.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

Glancing down at the offered cloth, the alchemist couldn't help but smile crookedly as he accepted it. "I am normally the one doing that." He said under his breath, proper speech still feeling more or less impossible with how thick his throat currently felt. Questions he wanted to ask bubbled on his tongue; inappropriately timed but bright in his mind, if only because he felt he could ask them and expect an actual response.

But...selfish as it was, this strange moment was at least close to what it was Remi needed. Loren would likely spontaneously combust given access to the alchemist's thoughts—a good thing that he wasn't an attuned—but this was helping. It was a chisel against an iceberg, but still it was something.

Raising the cloth to his eyes and scrubbing at them hard enough to leave patches of red around his eyes, Remi's breath caught in his throat as he looked quizzically up at the summoner. "And if I win, will you finally admit that I am cuddly and adorable, then?" The alchemist asked in a crackled voice as he met Loren's gaze.

The white sheep of the family

Loren smiled at Remi’s statement. ”Well, that just means it's past time someone did it for you. Besides, now you know how the rest of us feel, and you can appreciate your own efforts even more.” Knowing the alchemist, he probably still wouldn’t fully understand just how much these small gestures meant to everyone he encountered. However, if the summoner could at least get the other man to think about it the Launceleyn would consider that a victory.

”I don’t know. That hug you gave me was pretty lame, so you may be in danger of losing your cuddly and adorable status.” It was much better to be joking like this than the oppressive silence from earlier. Loren just hoped he didn’t do or say anything to make Remi retreat back to the dark place the alchemist had gone. The summoner was intimately familiar with it, and he would not wish it on anyone, especially someone he cared about. And he definitely cared about the man standing before him, probably more than the Launceleyn should.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

Thinking was all the Launceleyn would get; the alchemist's expression softly defiant as his chin tilted slightly as if he meant to shake his head no.

"Well maybe if you had some meat on your bones so that you did not need to be so bundled up you would actually feel it." The alchemist protested. Amusement rose shakily calling into question whether the roses on his cheeks were really from the cold or not. "Besides, knowing you, this is all probably just some illusion anyways to avoid actually being touched." Remi added, making a show of scrutinizing Loren's face as if he might find some illusory-tell there.

The white sheep of the family

Well, now, that was just rude and not at all observant, neither of which were like Remi. Loren gave the other man a feigned affronted look. ”I have put at least one little bit of fat on since you last saw me, thank you very much. Considering that I have multiple mouths to feed, it’s easy to make huge meals and then stuff my face.” Pinching his cheek to show that indeed the summoner was not quite as sticklike as he’d been since his return, he smiled at the alchemist to reassure him that the Launceleyn was not actually offended.

Rolling his eyes at Remi’s suspicion, Loren started patting his clothes. ”I don’t have illusion magic, but if you don’t believe my words, maybe you’ll believe your eyes.” It took the summoner a comically long time to actually retrieve his glasses from underneath all his layers of clothing; as he handed them over to the alchemist, the Launceleyn had a sly grin on his lips and amusement in his eyes. ”As you know, those let you see through any and all visual illusions, so you can clearly tell that I am the real deal.” Tilting his head, Loren felt his smile broaden. "Besides, even if I'm faking this, are you really going to let this opportunity pass? Who knows when no-touch Loren will be back in town?" This was probably straying into dangerous territory, but he was willing to do anything not to see Remi act the way he had earlier ever again.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

The alchemist raised a brow and let his eyes drop to the vaguely oval-shape that was bundled-up Loren. "I suppose I will have to take your word for that." He chuckled, pushing a finger against the summoner's side and, if the Launceleyn endured it, feeling nothing but animal pelt. With a crooked smile the alchemist watched this display clearly meant to be more evidence of Loren's apparent weight gain, but merely shook his head with stubborn disbelief.

"As I know, hmm? Ahh right. The meeting." That felt ages ago already. "But that means as you know, I have my own. Made by a goddess, no less." Watching the summoner tilt his head made something instinctive in Remi quite nearly respond in kind. But not just in kind, but more. Heat flushed the alchemist's cheeks pulling out the remaining strands of green in his eyes as his mind recklessly roamed. "Well when you put it that way. I suppose illusion or not, I ought to—" His voice was boyish and still slightly rough from tears as the words abruptly faded away. And then the alchemist's hands were reaching out for Loren's jacket. There wasn't much space between them, but enough that Remi could firmly tug the summoner towards him. With eyes fixedly on the Launceleyn blues he once knew so well, Remi's lips twitched into a grin and...abruptly became a raccoon. Hopefully he'd find himself clinging to the front of the summoner's jacket, and not inside the belly of some mythical beast or other.

The white sheep of the family

Remi probably was right to be suspicious about Loren’s eating habits, considering how thin the Launceleyn still was and how he sometimes still missed meals because of how busy he’d found himself. ”Alright, fine, I’ll tell you what. If you really don’t think I’m capable of feeding myself then you can take over the job.” It would cost the summoner basically nothing but his pride—which was practically nonexistent these days—and it would probably make the alchemist happy.

Now that the other man mentioned it, Loren did vaguely remember that Remi had his own methods of piercing magical veils. Shrugging, the Launceleyn just slid the chain of his glasses over his head rather than try to put it back in his once more hidden pockets. ”Wow. And here I was trying to do a nice thing, and then you had to go and rub my face in your superior magical trinkets.” The summoner’s voice came out in a wry drawl; honestly, he didn’t know if the alchemist had his divine lenses on him, but apparently the Launceleyn’s gesture had been enough to convince Remi that this was no illusion and no lie. As the other man mirrored the direction of Loren’s head, he couldn’t help but notice that some green bled into the alchemist’s eyes. It was probably just a trick of the light, however.

Then, Remi was reaching out and pulling the summoner towards the alchemist, and Loren’s breath caught in his throat. For an eternal awfully wonderful and wonderfully awful second, he thought that the other man would...nope. A raccoon was suddenly clinging to the front of his clothes, and the sudden release of tension caused the Launceleyn to laugh, high and clear and pure.

Astra, having decided either that the two men had ignored her for long enough or that the presence of the raccoon indicated playtime, or more likely both, made an excited bleating noise, bounded over and nearly bowled Loren over in her excitement. Indeed, when she head butted him he rocked where he stood, then chuckled and, heedless of the snow, knelt suddenly covered in even more fur. Mostly, he stroked the luxere, not quite brave enough to pet the other man, even as a raccoon. Or perhaps especially as a raccoon, or maybe just because it was Remi and petting was too close to forbidden territory.

Will blood tell

Coding base by Sky!

hope keeps us breathing, just to kill us in the end

"Ahh, how quickly your tune has changed." Remi quipped looking quite proud of himself. "Maybe we can hunt together. Do you...hunt?" He tried to school the incredulity from his voice. After all, he knew relatively little about Loren. Simply because the man had been a duke and whatnot didn't mean at all that he didn't know how to trap or hunt his own game. Regardless though, given the majority of Remi's shifts were indeed predators, he was happy enough to make the offer regardless of Loren's skill.

"All I am saying is that with as clever as you are, I would not be surprised if you found a way to make illusions that could fool your glasses specifically for times such as this." It would have been crafty indeed, but given how many times Ludo had tried to trick the alchemist (trick him into suicide, as it was), the alchemist's mind was perhaps more skeptical when it came to illusions and illusion-piercing artifacts than most. "Of course I do. I still have all your other friends to compete with, haven't I?"

It was a relief Remi needed, to be cloaked in dark fur. Loren could say what he liked about the alchemist still being himself, but in this body with its limited emotional range, the tension of moments before, felt or not, intentional or not, were simply whispers. Tittering happily at the bounding luxere, the raccoon scrambled up to Loren's shoulder so as not to be pitched over, draping himself around the Launceleyn like some overgrown scarf. As the summoner knelt, the raccoon edged forward, small and dexterous hands reaching out towards the the young fawn's large ears, offering scritches if she wanted.