From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
She turned her head slightly when he spoke, looking at him with a melancholy expression. But words didn’t come to her right away. Instead she looked back at Pim, who was happily eating the sandwich that had been intended for her. What was there to say to that? She was sorry she was alone too? She was sorry about the blight too? What did he expect to get out of her by saying these things? She had made clear what she wanted from him, and he had made clear that he had no intention of giving that.
”There must be a reason I keep ending up alone.” she said softly, staring sadly into the fireplace. ”A reason why people tell me they love me but then leave…why I’m not worth fighting for.” she said quietly. Twice now this had been the case. Emmett said he loved her, but at any sign of disagreement he ran. He didn’t fight for them to be together like she did. Sunjata continued to say he loved her, and yet he went home every time to someone else because of guilt and refused to make a choice. She just wanted to be loved by someone and love them in return – and yet it eluded her.
they made a mockery of him once 'look at the walking tragedy' now they whisper when he passes
he's a demon, with a crown of blood
He doesn’t expect to hear an answer from her. Doesn’t expect anything of it, really. He just wants to be sure it’s said; that she realizes that he’s a mess of a man that can’t figure himself out let alone anything else. And what she had said when blighted, those little tidbits of his home and life he had managed to give her, makes him second guess everything. Makes him wonder, makes him second guess everything. And so he shakes his head, eyes remaining toward the fire until all he can see are blue streams of light before he looks back to her face with a solemn look. “I don’t know, Phoebe.” Because he doesn’t. Maybe if Lusea hadn’t come back, if she had wanted nothing to do with him, it would be easier. But things were never easy, were they?
Yet the alcohol swims in his mind, shifting with the blight in his system, fucking up any thoughts he had that made sense, and he finds himself reaching toward her and the blankets. Slow, shaky hands reach out to touch the blanket where he thinks her shoulder is, steel eyes shadowed and haunted as he looks to her. “I should have never gotten involved.” He admits quietly, until the blight swings in a different way and he recalls her submission of sorts, to Lusea. Of how the minute it all came forth, she had immediately left, and he sighs and looks away. “Nobody fought for me either. Though I can’t blame them.” He tells her, though he knows Lusea would have. And for what? This broken mess of a man? Not even his own mother had fought for him, had thrown him young and soft and quiet to the wolves of an arena drenched in rain, mud, and blood.
does it look like he's still under your control?
SUNJATA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
He touched her shoulder and so she looked back at him again, still melancholy and somber. ”I’m glad you got involved.” she said softly. He had made her stronger. He had given her some confidence back (though to be fair a lot of that came crumbling back down the night that Lusea arrived). In many ways, him getting involved in her life had been good for her. It had just ended horribly wrong.
But as he mentioned that no one fought for him, her brows furrowed. She took that as a personal attack, knowing that in the moment she hadn’t fought for him. Though for good reason. ”The second you saw her you forgot I existed, Jata. You didn’t give me a chance to fight for you.” she said, a hint of an edge in her tone.
they made a mockery of him once 'look at the walking tragedy' now they whisper when he passes
he's a demon, with a crown of blood
She looks to him, and tells him she’s glad he got involved, and all he can do is look away. He isn’t, not with the way it’s destroyed her. It’s different here, where once he hadn’t cared in Korofi because everyone there had a hand in harming him, in hurting him. Here? It was different. So different, and perhaps that is why he was lost, floating along the current only to drown at the edges. He bites down on his lip and only glances back to her when she speaks again, a bite to her tone. And he knows that he has, he didn’t even remember the glass he had dropped when he saw her.
And his eyes shutter slightly, looking down from her. “I know.” He admits, it was a terrible thing to do. He had thought that then too. “I thought she was an illusion. Until she said my name and all the memories came flooding back.” Soft and quiet, remorseful. “I held her when she died, when she took her last breath and an hour after. And three years later she’s walking into the clinic with you.” His voice shakes, so very unlike him. “She was the best thing to happen to me in Korofi, Phoebe. She saved me numerous times from wanting to drown in the flood waters, wanting to jump from the highest rooftop in the city. She saved me there. And I couldn’t save her.” His gaze lifts up to look at her again.
“And I’m sorry I forgot you the minute she was there. All I wanted to do was be sure she was okay, that she was going to be okay. But she wasn’t, still isn’t entirely.”
does it look like he's still under your control?
SUNJATA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
The midwife stared at him, her brown eyes usually so full of life and warmth now dull and blank. He went on at length, describing it from his point of view, a point of view she had understood and gathered even if she hadn’t had all the details prior. But it did nothing to make her feel better. It did nothing to justify how he had treated her just to say she hadn’t fought for him as if that justified his unwillingness to choose her. Suddenly she felt a great amount of empathy for her friend Frey, and made a promise to herself to go apologize for being such a cry baby all the time. She needed to grow and be better than that, or else she would end up like Jata, stymied by even the smallest inconvenience.
First of all, you’re not in Korofi anymore, so what was best for you there might not be what is best for you here.” she said, probably a bit more bluntly than she should have. ”Second of all, you need to stop blaming yourself for her death or at least get over it. It’s done. It’s over. And now she is alive so all you’re pissing on about doesn’t even matter anymore.” she said, brows furrowing at him in her frustration, fueled by the traces of blight that still roiled within her. ”And third of all, of course she isn’t okay, she died and came back to life. That isn’t natural. Dead things are supposed to stay dead. She shouldn’t be okay. That you would even think she would be is ridiculous.”
they made a mockery of him once 'look at the walking tragedy' now they whisper when he passes
he's a demon, with a crown of blood
They make quite the pair, with the blight constantly peeking around the corners of their minds, influencing their words. And when she speaks, he understands. He does but it doesn’t help. He knows he isn’t in Korofi, and that’s exactly where the confusion lies, where it begins and where it ends. Are they still good for one another here? Or has it changed because of location? Or has it changed because she isn’t who she used to be? He doesn’t know, yet again. And he gnaws on his lip and nods with her. As though he hadn’t thought of those reasons too.
But it does matter, it matters a lot to him. Because everything had always ended up being his fault. Why didn’t everyone else see that, too? “It changes you.” He comments firmly. He’s had a guilty conscience since he can remember. He doesn’t know where it ends and he begins. “I don’t know where it ends and I begin.” He adds swiftly, before her next comment and his eyes narrow slightly.
“I know that.” He hums, a shake of his head. He might be an idiot, but he knows that well enough. He sighs, looking back to the fire. “But I just thought, maybe, things would be like they were before. I don’t know why I thought that.” Steel eyes drift back to her and he frowns lightly. “I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you.” He finally says, trembling hand still on her shoulder.
does it look like he's still under your control?
SUNJATA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
Phoebe sighed and looked back at the fire, unsure what to tell him. ”I am aware.
My first boyfriend died too.” she said dryly. He wasn’t the first person to experience something like this, nor would he be the last. That he should somehow have the leeway to hold onto it forever in ways others did not have the luxury to was ridiculous. ”That’s an odd thing to say for someone who regular asserts that he knows exactly who and what he is.” she said pointedly.
”I don’t know why either. It’s a stupid thought.” she said. His arrogant selfishness was beginning to grate on her nerves. How had she not noticed it before? Or was it the blight and her exhaustion making her less patient than usual? But he finally apologized for not fighting for her, and she looked back over at him, still frowning a bit at him. ”If you were really sorry, you would leave Lusea and fight for me now. But you already said you won’t.”
they made a mockery of him once 'look at the walking tragedy' now they whisper when he passes
he's a demon, with a crown of blood
She tells him of Emmett again, and for a moment he’s sorry he’s forgotten. But it doesn’t settle the nerves any, not as the alcohol swims in his mind and the blight drifts to and fro. His hand leaves her shoulder and he grits his teeth, staring into the fire as well, as if it might come out of the hearth and burn everything to the ground. “Because, it’s a fucking mask.” He tells her, the blight and the alcohol making him honest as he’s ever been. “I never have my shit together, ever. I’m glad to see it’s worked.” A dry response as he shakes his head and lets his hands lace together in his lap.
He doesn’t look at her when she looks back at him, and he gnaws on his lip, swallowing hard against the scratches on his neck moving with the gesture. “I’m weak Phoebe.” His voice shakes. “I regret everything I do, whether it’s right or not. I’m not who you think I am, not who you have this picture of. I act like I have everything together when I don’t. I never have. And I can’t make decisions like that. It’s easier to stay.” Because it'll chip away at him further, and leave him a broken mess worse than he already is. And he can't deal with that and live through it all. He knows he can't.
does it look like he's still under your control?
SUNJATA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
Phoebe simply stared as he went off the deep end on a rant. There was nothing to say. Nothing to interject. Jata spent so much time bottling up his emotions and never letting them out that it was bound to bubble over like this. She had the exact opposite problem, which was just as bad though for different reasons. But when he finally fell silent she finally gave him a piece of insight. ”No one has their shit together, Jata. Literally no one. It’s part of being human.” she said with a sigh, shaking her head.
”The reason you regret everything you do is because you don’t make decisions, you wait until they are forced upon you by circumstance.” she said, her voice cold and unyielding, fueled by her irritation. ”Maybe you shouldn’t be with anybody until you figure out who you are, what you want, and how to act on the things that you want even when it means making hard decisions. You always acted like being older than me meant you somehow knew more but clearly I’m more of an adult than you are.” she quipped with irritation. Phoebe had a lot of faults – a lot of them. But making hard decisions wasn’t one of them. She might hesitate. She might take her time to consider all the options. But a decision was always made and acted upon.
they made a mockery of him once 'look at the walking tragedy' now they whisper when he passes
he's a demon, with a crown of blood
A shuddering breath leaves him as she tells him that nobody has their shit together. He knows, but he tries to cover it up, to say that he does to get people from fighting against it, against him. But what she says next, has his hands returning, to cover his face, to rub at his temples as he inhales deeply again, shakily. More admissions, but he’s helpless against them.
“I didn’t want to have to kill those boys.” He whispers. “I never got a choice. They threw me into the pit and there was a gun, and I had to. My choices have always been that way. Necessity, survival, and I hate it all.” He can’t shut off, he lets the words fall from his lips. “I was seventeen and they expected us to be okay after it all. To be proud of it. Paste our faces over all the boards in the city.” His voice wavers more.
“All I want...” He begins but cuts himself off. “Nevermind what I want.”
does it look like he's still under your control?
SUNJATA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
She blinked, the conversation suddenly taking a dark turn as he starts running down memory lane. The things he did, the things he was forced to do, the way it made him feel. Shouldn’t these be things he told Lusea? Why was he opening up to her, when he couldn’t even bring himself to choose her over the dark haired, supposed-to-be-dead woman? ”I know you didn’t. I know you aren’t okay with it. You and probably everyone else that survived that as what we called war-shock. It’s why I was giving you that medicine, to help calm your nerves so you could function better. Lots of men back home had to take them to deal with the atrocities they saw and had to commit in the name of the crown on the battlefield.” she said, her tone a touch gentler but not by much.
”What. What is it you want?” she said, wondering if he actually had a definitive want.
they made a mockery of him once 'look at the walking tragedy' now they whisper when he passes
he's a demon, with a crown of blood
The difference is that he doesn’t have to tell Lusea. She knows it all, she’d seen it happen. She was there when his face had been plastered, when they had said and claimed he’d be the next to rule. It’s what caused her dislike from the start, and he couldn’t blame her then. But Phoebe? She doesn’t know. She has heard bits and pieces strewn along, but she wasn’t there for any of it. It was likely time he told her. But it was different, because there weren’t other survivors, all but one survived the trials. And the one from there typically was right with it all, when he wasn’t.
His fingers curl around his face, at the tenderness in her tone. A war waged within himself once again, one he can’t get out of as she questions what he wants. “I don’t want to deal with it anymore.” He utters, a whisper of breath. “I want it to be over.” it’s not clear which he means but he shutters and trembles light in his own touch. “I’m tired of having it all put together, tired of the masks, tired of it all, and I don’t think I can do this anymore.” But he has to. He has to.
does it look like he's still under your control?
SUNJATA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
"Then stop. Don't have it all together. No one is asking you to be." she said, her brow furrowing. "And start taking the medicine I made you again. It will help you cope while you adjust to being away from all that." she said with a huff. She had made it for him for a reason. While he complained about her not knowing his past, she didn't need to to see how he suffered now and provide a solution. She would like to see Lusea do that.
In fact.
Phoebe stood, taking the blankets with her, a shuffling pile of comfort. The midwife looked through her medicine cabinet for a moment before pulling out a small tonic bottle. She shuffled back over and held it out to him. "Take it. Before you have a full blown panic attack."
they made a mockery of him once 'look at the walking tragedy' now they whisper when he passes
he's a demon, with a crown of blood
When you live twenty-six years doing exactly that, yeah it is hard to stop. He doesn’t know how to just not do it, because it’s all he’s ever done. He was a fractured, broken child, stitched together into a man with tape and paper clips. Still just as much of a wreck, but a put together appearance. And he hates it. He hates the tone in her voice when she tells him to stop doing it. He doesn’t know how to. This is all he’s known.
Instead, his fingers curl slightly further and he shakes his head lightly, eyes shut tight as he bites down on his lower lip, worrying away at it until it’s almost raw. And that’s when Phoebe stands, and it breaks through enough with the shift on the couch for him to sit up, black veined eyes following as she returns, trembling hands flexing and relaxing as he tries to calm his racing heartbeat.
And she returns with the medicine, one he hated because it made him feel different, better, when all he wanted was to suffer like this. She tells him to take it, to ward off a full blown panic attack and he wonders if that stems from the anxiety she had mentioned forever ago, and he eyes it warily with his shadowed, haunted gaze and raw lips — until he reaches out and takes it from her, hoping it doesn’t mess with the alcohol within him. He’d much rather be black out drunk than in the state he’s in, but he tells himself he deserves it after everything.
So against the blight and the frustrations eating him away, he drinks the whole cup, and shakily sets it on the table after before pinching the bridge of his nose as his eyes shut tight. “Thanks.” It’s soft, quiet, broken with his accent, strong like the night she had brought Lusea back. And he trembles from the weight of it all.
does it look like he's still under your control?
SUNJATA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
