sorry i took a bite outta you

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Her head tilted slightly, considering Remi’s words. ”Because I don’t think it was that simple. Isn’t part of the ritual praying to Rae? Rae’s domain is over nature, and this disease is…natural in a twisted sense. From what Frey has told me, Rae isn’t so keen to intervene. They allow the world to do as it will, and if it succumbs to blight, it succumbs to blight. Nature is merciless and detached that way.” she said, shrugging a bit. ”It would seem to me, that for Vi to intervene in that, he would first have to be made aware of it. What occurs in the natural world isn’t so much his concern as the pure creation of life is. And once aware, I am sure he would have to somehow convince Rae to comply, to allow him to change the natural course of things within their purview. “ she said, pausing to reconsider what she said, before nodding again.

”Of course, I am rather guessing at it, just based on what little I know of those gods and the tidbits Frey has alluded to and my own logic…But if there is one thing I have learned in the last year, it’s that things that seem simple rarely are.”

As he asked after her faith, she looked down at her hands, still trembling from the blight coursing through her. ”I don’t believe the gods can’t lie, in fact I know they can, though I do doubt they find any value in doing so. They are gods and we are just humans, what would lying to us do for them?” she asked, glancing up at him. Even people rarely lied without cause. She just couldn’t imagine what benefit a god would get from lying to a human about something like this. With the exception of Ludo of course – but was illusion and trickery quite the same as what Remi was getting at? ”And I don’t think  you really grasp what Frey has done for me. It’s more than a few nice conversations. When I’ve been at my lowest points, Frey was there, even when I did not seek them out. I showed them respect and gratitude, and in return, they have helped me become stronger and bolder and…braver. They’ve given me perspective and tough love and pushed me to do things I would never have done on my own. I don’t think the gods suddenly care so much. I think they give back what we put into the system. So…whoever asked Vi to intervene must’ve done something to make Vi believe their request was important to fulfill.” she paused, realizing she was rambling, her voice having grown passionate.

”I have seen and felt their blessings, Remi. Frey has believed in me when I have not believed in myself. And so I believe in them.”

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

"Except that Safrin was blighted almost immediately. And it still took a good deal of time for Vi to do anything about that." The alchemist countered softly. The notion of things not being as simple as they appeared sounded very much like something Rexanna had said, and again the alchemist could merely shrug at the words. Drawing his knees to his chest and letting his forearms rest on them, he glanced into his hands. "I will not pretend to understand of course, but these all sound like such mortal problems: the fighting, the negotiating. I cannot imagine it works that way with them." Or maybe it did, and the gods were simply no different than the lot of them, just on a much bigger scale.

Leaning against the stones Remi listened softly as Phoebe elaborated on her experiences. What it sounded as if the midwife was describing was simply a very good friend. But having one of those wouldn't lead her to believe that everyone was as good, which she seemed to be doing with the divine structure here. "So...the gods do not actually care about us as a species. They only care when someone convinces them at any given point, that it is worth doing so?"

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PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

"True." Phoebe said, conceding that point and giving it more thought. "I'm honestly not certain of the dynamics between the gods though. Frey is supposed to be Rae's herald but they almost never talk about them. I just don't know." she said with a shrug. "But Frey trusted that Vi would cure the blight, and I trust Frey." She didn't need to know why it took Vi so long to notice. She didn't need to know how it all worked. She trusted in Frey and if Frey was content with Vi's influence then so was she.

She smiled and nodded at why he struggled to believe it was as she described. "Well, I don't particularly know either, I am just stringing bits and pieces together in a way I understand...and I am a mortal." she said with a light shrug. "Its like me trying to explain cells. My understanding barely scratches the surface of what Frey understands."

Her nose wrinkled as Remi surmised her words in a way that didn't quite fit. "No like..." Her lips pressed together in thought. "More like...when a parent has older children, and they think they can do everything on their own, and so you wait for them to make mistakes but if you try to just fix it they will get mad so you have to wait for them to ask you to fix it?" she said, then sighed. "It's hard to explain because it's more of a sense I get."

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Wanting more of an explanation, more of something to believe in, Phoebe seemed to chalk it all up to faith, leaving the alchemist to stare wonderingly at a piece of the floor. Faith was not something he'd ever had. Unlike the others in his like—Phoebe and Ronin primarily—he'd had no overwhelming personal and positive experiences with the gods. Mostly they were negative with a few encounters that only seemed to prove the general rule.

Humming, Remi could only chuckle and shake his head. When it came to the sort of parenting situation the midwife was describing, the alchemist really had no idea. His own father had been absolutely horrific. "As with all of this, I suppose I will have to take your word for it." Remi said with a soft shrug, shooting his friend a warm smile.

"And for other things I will have to take your word for...Sunjata letting you out of jail?" He prompted, brows raised.

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PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Phoebe smiled and reached out to take his hand, squeezing it a bit if she was able. "I know you've had different experiences, so I understand why it might be hard for you to accept that their intentions and promises are good. But at least don't let your mind worry about Ronin's recovery. I wouldn't hide any doubt from you if I had it." she said, hoping to assure him at least a little bit so he could relax. He had plenty of other things to be stressed about without adding his husband's mortality to it.

But he brought up Sunjata and she sighed, nodding her head. "Yes, he did. Rather, he got a guard there to unlock the door and let me out." she said, shrugging a bit. "That's how I got out, believe it or not. Otherwise I would still be there...though I think I am almost skinny enough to fit through the bars now." she said, patting her unhealthily narrow waist.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

"Mmmm." Remi hummed in return, softly squeezing his fingers against Phoebe's. He knew he had no medical basis on the basis of which to doubt her, but still he did. It was all too easy to give into the uneasy darkness that coloured his thoughts, especially with all that had happened recently. Rubbing a hand across his eyes and sighing, he tried on a smile if only for a moment.

"I would not have left you there." He said, nudging her slightly. Had he known Phoebe was trying to fatten Loren up, he would have scoffed. She looked far worse than he did, and not only as a matter of personal preference either.

"And so things are...good? now?"

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Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

"Focus on the good things, Remi. Ronin is here, with you, and that is what matters most." she said with a soft smile. If it was too difficult to simply not worry, perhaps framing it as a focus shift would help him. "You've a husband who is just on the mend, a baby, and a guild to care for. If you had forgotten me there I certainly couldn't have blamed you." she said with a light laugh. Remi had a lot on his plate. And as much as she wished she could see him more, she knew his priorities and responsibilities were usually much more important than a nice chat with a sister/friend.

But back to Jata. She sighed and shook her head. "No. They got...much worse. We..." she sighed, looking down. "We had sex, even though he is with Lusea. And...I felt badly at first, but before we did, and I said she would be upset, he said he didn't care what she thought." she said, her brow furrowing. "And I just...I really thought I loved him, and to realize that he held so little regard for the feelings of a woman he regularly told me he loved more than anyone he ever knew...I just...I didn't want to stop him to wrecking it for himself. He deserves what he gets from that." she said, lips pursing a bit. "And after he told me that he is with her because he is afraid to be with me because I make him vulnerable. And then...I don't know it was a whole stupid thing."

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

He could only hear a constant refrain of for now, after everything Phoebe said. Ronin was here for now. A husband on the mend for now. Still, he tried to smile and nod. "Absolutely never could I forget you." He said with a sweet and genuine smile, nudging her affectionately.

Raising his brows at the candidness she mentioned their sex, Remi kept quiet until she was finished speaking. He did however look more and more troubled as she went on. "So..You are worried that because he loved someone else so much and then just..moved on, that he would do the same to you?" Then, brows furrowing, he tilted his head. "Wait he..said he did want to be with you, but is staying with her?"

Ruffling a hand through his curls and offering the midwife a confused look, Remi sighed. "I...suppose I know something about moving from one person to another quite quickly. It..was like that with Ianto and Ronin." Remi said with a bit of a gulp, looking both bashful and embarrassed.

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Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Phoebe shook her head a little at Remi's question, but she didn't grow frustrated. It was a complicated situation. "He was going to stay with her the second she came back. He didn't need to tell me that for me to know, he talked about her more than me when we were together." she said. "And he didn't move on from her. He knew he was cheating on her, this woman he apparently loved so much, and just...didn't care that he was going to hurt her in doing so. And I just....snapped." she said with a sigh, frowning at her trembling hands. "In my career, I have seen too many men treat too many women like...nothing. Objects. Like their minds and hearts don't matter. They hurt them and cheat on them and they think there is no consequence because a woman couldn't possibly give them a consequence." she said, her nose wrinkling. "But Lusea can. She is tough and she will know where to hit him where it hurts and for once I just wanted to see a man like that get what he deserved. So...I helped it along." she said with a sigh.

Brown eyes flicked up to look at Remi as he spoke, trying to compare the situation. "It isn't about moving on quickly or not. If you do, you do." she said with a small smile. "It is about respecting the person you're with enough to care about what your actions will do to them. And its hard and we all make mistakes, but I tokd him that this would hurt her and he just didn't care." she said, sighing as she looked down again.

"And as far as being with me...well he said he loved me but was afraid to be with me because I make him weak." she said, swallowing a lump in her throat. "And it just...I don't know. It doesn't matter. It's over. Lusea is going to give him his just desserts."

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Remi's jaw clamped shut unhappily as Phoebe replied. The scowl on his face wasn't directed at her, but to the memory of the near-blighted man he met. "But.." Tugging in a breath, Remi held it. It was one thing to have feelings, to not know what to do about them, but to talk about the other woman with Phoebe? At least...with Ianto Remi had said what he'd had to and nothing more. "So she was here then, when you two were together?"

Helped it along? Tilting his head, Remi gave the midwife a skeptical look. He could certainly understand her frustration but...none of this seemed like her. "Was this..when you were blighted? And.." Biting his lip, the alchemist narrowed his eyes for a moment, pieces fitting into place. "...was he blighted, too?"

Oh. But he loved Phoebe as well. Loved them both.

Remi scratched uncomfortably at the skin above his heart as something painful twanged deep within. Wincing slightly he let his eyes drift towards the ceiling as he nodded. "Sometimes we do do hurtful things...and at the time think the consequences are worth it. Or...just do not understand what harm we are actually causing." He shook his head slowly. "I am not saying that excuses anything. But...if he thought he would not see her again..if you were both blighted..." Helpless, he offered the midwife a shrug and a longing look. Reaching out to take her hand again, Remi frowned. "I am sorry. However it happened, I am sorry that it did."

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

"Lusea arrived in Caido a few weeks before Deepfrost began. And it was an instant break up between Jata and I. It's why I was alone and left to my own devices when the blight became so bad." she said, swallowing a bit. "And all the rest I told you was after he released me from jail, so yes we were both blighted, which didn't help." she said with a sigh. It didn't help at all. It made her far more cruel than she usually was.

"He knew he would see her again. He knew he would not go back and leave her, and he was lucid enough that I truly believe he did not care about the consequences." she said with a sigh, shaking her head a bit.

Phoebe squeezed his hand a little and smiled at him a bit. "It's alright. It's all messed up. It's sort of a trend gor me it seems." she said, a few blackish tears rising in her eyes. "I just...I just want to be loved by someone, and to love them back. That's all." she said, sighing as she looked down at her lap. "But it seems fate would like me to just...love myself and Pim for the time being."

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Exhaling the breath he'd pulled in, Remi shook his head. "I..well." He gave the midwife a crooked look. "I am not so sure either of you should be accountable for what you did or said while blighted..." Regardless of how Jata had seemed, that...hardly mattered. "Speaking as a man—" Albeit not the best example of them in a number of ways. "—we...do extremely stupid things. Often." He added with a wince.

Pulling her hand up to his lips, Remi kissed her skin softly, cradling her hand against his chest for a moment. "I wanted that for a long time as well." He agreed with a soft sigh. "You cannot rush it. It...never works out when you do. And..perhaps the person you are meant to be with, will have been with you all along?" Remi added, thinking of Ronin.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

"Yes. Men do stupid things very often." she said with a sigh, smirking at him a bit. "At least you admit it. Perhaps there is hope for you." she said teasingly, leaning in to kiss his cheek in a chaste, sisterly way.

As he cradled her hand, she leaned her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. But at his assuraces...she couldn't help but smile. "Well, the only men who have been around me the whole time are you and Ronin, and you've made abundently clear how you feel about that scenario." she said, laughing mirthlessly. "I don't know, Remi. I'm just...tired. Tired of trying and feeling like I'm not enough. Maybe it isn't worth it."

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

With a snort, Remi's cheeks dimpled beneath the midwife's kiss. As she pulled back he shook his head with a bright boyish laugh. "I think Ronin might have something to say about that." And a great many others, as well.

Unable to help the laughter that bubbles up from his throat, Remi slips his arm around Phoebe to draw her close as his chuckle tapers off. "Ronin, I certainly can see, but me? You cannot tell me you would actually be able to have sex with me." He says lightly, eyes sparkling with amusement.

As she grows more somber, the alchemist tightens his hold around her. "And does...Frey? have anything to say about this?" He asks, trying to sound casual instead of skeptical, assuming that these are concerns she's probably voiced with the deity.

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Coding base by Sky!