sorry i took a bite outta you

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Phoebe smiled a bit and shrugged. "Well he can take it up with me." she said. It actually probably would have proven to be quite the entertaining argument really.

Her head stayed upon his shoulder and she laughed a bit with him, happy to be held there. It was comforting and familiar. "Beggars can't be choosers, Remi, and I might get pretty desperate." she said with a snicker before shaking her head lightly. "I don't know. I'm just... lonely. I'm lonely." she said softly. She did spend a lot of time alone. She lived alone at her clinic. She usually worked alone at the college. And as comforting as Pim's presence was, he was a dragon.

When Remi asked about Frey, she sighed a bit. "Frey isn't interested in love. It adds, but isn't necessary to them." Love could make sex better but it wasn't a necessity for it. "They think I should just have sex with whoever I want and forget relationships entirely. Like I'm causing myself unnecessary strife trying to build a life with someone else."

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

The alchemist snorted as well. "Oh, you are a beggar now, mm?" He chuckled. "I am absolutely certain that sleeping with me will not make things any better." Remi added, his fingers curling softly around her. Swallowing softly, the alchemist couldn't help but be reminded of what Loren had said. Of wanting to have someone to love and having someone to love him. The thought of it though stirred up something strange in the pit of Remi's stomach.

Raising a brow at Frey's advice, Remi bit his lower lip. "I...have never really had casual sex before. Not with men anyways. With women it was..." Rubbing awkwardly at the back of his neck, he shrugged. "That was not for pleasure." Remi didn't actually know what it would be like just to be with someone to feel good, rather than for something more.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

”Well if I don’t start begging soon, I’m going to start collecting cats.” she snarked at him. But she sighed, relenting, even if it all was a joke. ”I suppose it wouldn’t. So doubtful whoever Mr. Right is isn’t someone who has been around the whole time. Or ever.” she grumbled.

She didn’t press Remi about his relationships with women and what they had or hadn’t meant. She could surmise, knowing how secretive he had to have been back home, where a man loving a man romantically simply wasn’t allowed. ”I thought that was what I was doing with Jata the first time, but he wanted to stay and so I let him.” she said quietly. Casual clearly was not something she was good at either. She wanted a deeper connection – she wanted more than just a good romp in the sheets. She wanted a partner, like Remi had in Ronin, to walk through the good and bad times with. But she wouldn’t fault Frey for thinking it unnecessary, because from their perspective it was absolutely true. ”All I’ve ever wanted and focused on was finding a husband and having children though. So maybe I should just…give up and find something else to focus on.” Perhaps it was a harsh way to put it, but she felt rather like she was beating her head against the wall.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Remi let a low rumble reverberate through his chest as thick tawny fur skirted down his arms. "And what is wrong with cats?" He said with a playful huff. "Mmmmm." Remi hummed, pressing a kiss against her blonde hair affectionately.

"Well, I think Northaven had a lot to do with that." The alchemist said gently. "But I do not think you can force it, like I said. And honestly, a year is not so long to be looking. Remember how you were before you came here? Never even kissed a man? And now look at you." Nudging her softly, Remi gave Phoebe an encouraging smile.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Phoebe laughed a bit, running her fingers over the tawny fur that suddenly sprouted on his arms. ”There is nothing wrong with cats, I very much like cats. But there is something wrong with a single woman collecting hundreds of cats to fill an emotional void.” she said with a small smile.

She nodded a little as he blamed her want on Northaven, but she knew it wasn’t wholly to blame. She had truly wanted that, she had been excited about that aspect of the little settlement. But alas, she had yet to see those dreams come to fruition. Her nose wrinkled though and she lifted her head to give him a playfully insulted look. ”Are you calling me a slut, Remi?” she said in a mockingly miffed tone. But she laughed a little and shrugged. ”I suppose. I’ve changed a lot but…I am not certain if it has all been for the better.”

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

"Is there? Who says?" Remi countered playfully. He didn't actually think Phoebe was wrong—trying to fill voids with other things rather than simply accepting them for what they were was probably the root of Phoebe's problems—but the alchemist was in no position to judge or offer advice, really.

"Ahh, you got me. That is exactly what I am doing. Though if that makes you a slut, I hate to think what that says about me." Remi added, crinkling his nose right back. Pulling her close again, Remi merely hummed against her for a moment as he considered. "It might not all be." He agreed thoughtfully. "But that is not so bad. I think it takes some time...and plenty of mistakes to actually become who you are going to be. Just look at me—" Not that Remi was at all the picture of stable growth, but certainly he'd made more than his fair share of mistakes in getting to the point he was at.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

”In this scenario, neighbors. Can you imagine the smell of a colony of one hundred cats living in one house?” she said, shuddering at the thought. A few cats were fine but any great number of cats in a small space had a tendency to make quite the stench.

Phoebe laughed as Remi went along with her joke, shrugging as he pondered the implications of the definition on himself. ”I am not certain, but if you’re worried you might want to have a very frank discussion with Ronin about the potential diseases you might have.” she said as she might counsel a patient…before breaking down into a fit of giggles. But he took the conversation a more serious route again and she sighed, nodding her head slightly against his shoulder. ”I suppose you’re right. Maybe that’s really what I should focus on. Myself.” she mumbled. Her very lonely self.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

"I live with a dragon, a Ronin, and a baby. I myself am about 4 different animals." Remi replied with a chuckle. He could imagine far worse smells than cats, to be sure.

'Ahh well, a bit late for that I think." Shrugging, Remi just gave the midwife a cheeky smile, letting himself laugh about it as well. "Well, you will always have me." Remi offered, smoothing down a bit of her hair he'd mussed up with his laughter. "And I hear the college is doing quite well?"

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Phoebe laughed a little and shrugged as he listed off the various people and creatures he had living with him. ”I suppose. But if you notice me starting to hoard cats or anything else, please stop me.” she said with a grin. She didn’t want to become the crazy old cat lady if she could help it.

”Ah, just going to let him discover that on his own then? Mmm, foolproof plan.” she said with a snort. The blond smiled up at him, sighing a bit as he insisted that she had him at least. ”I know, and I appreciate that. But there are just some things you can’t do for me…as we’ve discussed.” she said with a melancholy smile. ”If I didn’t have you thought it would make all of this much, much harder. So thank you.”

At mention of the college she shrugged but nodded. ”It is starting to pick up yes. I’ve another professor which is good. He will be hosting a first aid class in preparation for LongNight. And we have our first student…Loren Launceleyn…” she said gently, glancing up at him. ”How are things between you?”

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

"I do not know if I will stop you, but I will bring you plenty of air fresheners, how about that?" Remi said with a broad grin.

"Well, I figure we would have noticed by now." He replied with an easy shrug. Whether or not that was a sound medical assumption Remi really had no idea. It wasn't as if routine physicals were a thing. Giving Phoebe a crooked smile, Remi could only nod. "No, I suppose not." He agreed a bit sadly, very much wanting to help, but of course knowing all the reasons why he couldn't, as Phoebe had pointed out.

"Oh, another professor? Who?" Tilting his head and relaxing somewhat as the conversation (temporarily) took an easier turn. However at the mention of Loren, Remi immediately stiffened. His gaze grew unfocused as he pulled in a breath and held it.

"We..." He began, thinking of the pit. Of all the things Loren had said and what Remi had said in return. What had happened in the backroom of his shop. And just as importantly, what hadn't happened. "...uhm." Realizing just how much he'd tensed, Remi exhaled and forced his muscles to loosen. "It is a bit complicated." He concluded in a dull whisper, tracing his fingers through his curls to try and rid himself of the feathers which appeared there.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

”I suppose that will have to do.” she said with a small smile.

She laughed a little and just shook her head as Remi surmised that he and Ronin had nothing to worry about. It did seem more their style to simply cross that bridge when and if they reached it – she wasn’t sure why but that was her perception. And fortunately, the conversation soon turned from her relationship woes – which could not be resolved it seemed – to the College, something she could discuss without too much personal emotional investment (at least comparatively). ”His name is Cera. He is a trained medic so I have him helping to oversee the infirmary too. He is quite nice actually, I’ve high hopes for what he can do.” she said with a small smile.

But then of course, Loren as a topic arose, and the discomfort she had felt now fell on Remi’s shoulders. ”Do you want to talk about it?” Phoebe asked, reaching up to smooth down the feathers she saw popping up in his hair.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

"Oh, I have met him." Remi said with a bit if a wistful smile. His interactions with the man had been...strange, but also quite pleasant. Cera was unlike anyone that the alchemist had met and though perhaps it had been all timing, his presence in the glade had been exactly what Remi had needed. "He does seem quite nice." He agreed.

Swallowing, Remi pulled his arm from around Phoebe and instead wrapped it around his legs as he drew his knees to his chest. "Well, he and I are no longer speaking so, I am not sure what there is to talk about." The alchemist said weakly, his voice warbling slightly as he tried to give Phoebe a reassuring smile that simply left him feeling cold and empty inside.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

They could have perhaps discussed Cera some more, but other things were taking precedence. Remi pulled away, curling in on himself, and she frowned slightly. The tables had fully flipped, and while he was a big fellow, that didn’t mean he didn’t need to be held every now and then. Gently she wrapped her arms around him, keeping him close even as he pulled away. ”Well, we could talk about why you are upset. Or what happened that led to this. Or just how you feel in general.” she said, her tone dropping into the soothing, calming tone she used when she was working. ”I’m here for you too, you know.” she added with a small smile.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Actually...Phoebe was probably one of the few people he could talk to about this. He couldn't talk to Ronin..certainly not Loren either. That had blown up spectacularly in his face. Happily letting himself be cuddled, wings sprouted from Remi's back, reaching out to enfold the midwife even as he kept a tight grip around his knees.

"When he came back he said we could not be friends and I thought he was wrong." Remi began, a sad smile tugging at his lips. "I thought it would just be fine, especially since I did not remember anything. But...then something he said made me realize that.." Swallowing hard, the alchemist looked up to the ceiling with a sigh. "..I loved him, before all of this. And..it was unconditionally. So...even without my memories, I supposed I realized I loved him still." Glancing towards her with cheeks flushed bashfully pink, Remi tried on another half-smile. "I am not in love with him, but...I suppose I worry that I would, again. Not that I would ever leave Ronin, or even want to. But just knowing that Loren was my first I..." Fidgeting, Remi couldn't bring himself to say the words. That, when he'd asked Loren to kiss him even though he hadn't wanted it, that a part of him did. A part of him thought about it still. A part of him knew he'd fall in love with the Launceleyn again, if given the chance.

"..the last time we talked Loren left and told me not to follow. He was right to do so after what happened. But what he does not know is that...I suppose I agree with him now. I do not think we can ever be friends again."

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!