sorry i took a bite outta you

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Phoebe listened quietly, letting the alchemist get it all off his chest. And it was a rather complicated situation, when one considered all the factors that went into it. She frowned slightly as he went on though, feeling badly for her friend, whose heart was too big for his own good. When he fell silent, she remained the same for a time, considering all he had said and stroking his feathery curls absentmindedly.

"From what you've told me, it seems more like you can't be friends right now, not never again." she said gently with a small smile. "You and Loren never got to properly break things off. He just disappeared. You're just now getting closure from the end of that relationship...and clearly even though your mind doesn't remember it your heart does." she said.

"A little space would be good for you both. You've a lot on your hands. He has a lot of catching up to do. And you are married now, and that is important to protect. That part of your life is over...it's just extra hard because he was the first." she added with a small smile.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Feathers had appeared in his curls in abundance, but they would be soft downy feathers beneath the midwife's fingers. No matter how much she soothed, still they appeared as the alchemist silently fret. "No but...Feelings like this..I am not sure they ever go away." He whispered, his words a confusing mixture of guilt and reluctant admission. Whether or not he wanted to, he would always love Loren. Would always be on the verge of being in love with Loren. Whether that was simply because Loren had been his first love, or an artifact of what it was to be loved by the alchemist, Remi didn't rightly know. Not that it mattered.

"I am not sure there is closure, from something like this. We...did talk about things. He explained why he left and..I suppose it was nice to know that it was not for someone else."

That part of your life is over... The words made Remi feel cold and horribly alone. Not because Phoebe was wrong, but because she was right and he knew that she was.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Phoebe shook her head a little. "When you love someone like that, it doesn't go away. It just...morphes. You learn to love that they are happy away from you. You love and appreciate what part of their life you can have, and in your case, love that you learned something from them that makes you able to love Ronin all the better." she said, trying to coax his mind down a different path. "And I'm sure it's hard because I don't think you remember how upset you were when he did disappear. You don't have that to put perspective on it." when she and Emmett had broken up, she had all her anger and disappointment and hurt to help her distance herself from him. Without that, she imagined it would be much harder to do.

She laughed a little as he told her about their conversation. "Remi, that is closure. Learning why he left, why things ended. It...doesn't mean you stop feeling immediately, closure just makes it a bit easier. He left for his reasons, you were heartbroken and in time found Ronin, who gave you everything you needed." she said and smiled a bit.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

For a moment Remi wanted to know how to was Phoebe could know any of this given her own complicated history. But the desire to say such was merely a defensive reflex on his part, and not one he particularly liked. So he merely swallowed down his thoughts and nodded. He couldn't help but chuckle at the thought that his love for Loren would help him love Ronin better. He was almost sure all the parties in question would disagree with that.

Glancing at her as she mentioned how upset he'd been, he merely smiled softly and shook his head. "No..I do not. I mean, I have been told of course but.." Clearing his throat Remi tried to let his hands relax slightly around his knees.

"All this really hurt Ronin. Or...at least the way I went about it. I ... did something incredibly stupid." Remi said, looking down, shame making his blush all the more dramatic. "We are alright now..but I think it is all the more reason I cannot be around Loren."

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

If he had acted on his defensive impulses, he would have gotten a rather straightforward answer. She had older sisters, and had heard this exact sort of counsel given to them by her mother, and she had heard it resonated by the midwife who trained her to patients as well. Heartache was heartache, and though there were an infinite number of ways to get there, the experience itself seemed to follow a specific pattern. Now, while she could parrot the advice with practiced grace, applying it to herself was a different thing all together. ”Knowing that you were upset is different that remembering how that felt.” she said with a small smile, finishing the sentence for him.

”What did you do?” Phoebe asked Remi. ”Though, if Loren being around you makes Ronin uncomfortable, that is another good reason for some space, I agree. But again, that is for now. You and Ronin got married not that long ago. If I was in his shoes, I wouldn’t want you spending time with an ex of yours who appeared out of the blue.”

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

"Mmmmm." The alchemist agreed wearily. Thanks, Ludo, he thought a touch bitterly.

"I...asked Loren to kiss me." Remi said in a low voice, not able to meet Phoebe's gaze to see the shock no doubt widening her brown eyes. "He...because of what we were I think the initial worry was that something might happen. And I knew if I came home and told Ronin that nothing would, he would ask how I knew. So...I..." Taking a shaky breath, Remi closed his eyes and leaned his head against the stone fireplace. "I know what a bad idea it was. At the time though, I thought..." But he'd been wrong. So wrong, because even though he said he would have stopped the Launceleyn, truth be told, he was no longer completely sure that he would have.

"Well, Ronin did not say not to be around him. I...even after that, he didn't. But. I need to." Remi added lamely. Saying it out loud only hammered home what he already knew. Still, it didn't make it any easier.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Oh, and did her eyes widen. Not only that, her jaw dropped a bit. She had no room to judge, given her own numerous relationship mistakes, nor did she judge, but damn, Remi. Talk about men doing stupid things often! She didn’t really know what to say at first, trying to process how that changed things. Did it change things? ”Yes. You need space from him if that’s the sort of thing being around him makes you think is okay.” she said with a light laugh to break a bit of the tension.

”More importantly though, you need to let him go for your sake, Remi.” she said softly. ”Should have, would have, could have’s just end up torturing you. And you have no need to do that to yourself. You’ve a loving husband, a beautiful daughter, and a fearsome ice dragon. Your life is incredibly full of love and warmth, and if you hold on to Loren, he will never be able to find that for himself and you might lose what you have.” she said.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Phoebe might have laughed but she was exactly right. Keeping silent and still, Remi closed his eyes and let his teeth click together actively trying not to think of the moment that wasn't. It wasn't a moment. It wasn't, wasn't, wasn't.

What she said next made Remi glance towards her with an uncertain frown. "I do not know how. Not with him back, not with.." He trailed off. Remi had meant it when he'd said his love was unconditional; how could he reconcile that with trying to let Loren go? In what sense could he ever do that? "I know." The alchemist agreed immediately, a sheen of tears misting across his sea-glass stare. "And I never want anything more than Ronin. I love him more than words could ever say. I never want to be without him." While there was no but to that, there was...a fracture. As there had been with Ianto. A longing for a world where he could live out alternative lives. It was stupid and selfish, but the shadow of those futures that never would be lingered just as much as his lost memories did.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

As he fought with himself, Phoebe continued to stroke his hair and feathers, doing what little she could to ease his pain. But this wasn’t an easy situation, and it wasn’t one she had ever navigated very well herself. She just knew it could be done, but that he would likely need support through it.

”You do so by deciding you will, and making steps to make it so.” she said, smiling at him. She reached up after he spoke of Ronin and his affection for him and gently booped him on the nose with the tip of her finger. ”And see, you already have. You love and want Ronin. Loren being back really doesn’t change that; it just brings up emotions you didn’t have to deal with before.” she said, squeezing his shoulder a bit. ”So…for example, today I decided that any time I started to miss Jata, I am going to cuddle Pim. And if I start wondering on the what ifs, he is going to give me a little shock because I shouldn’t do that. Right, Pim?” she said to the little dragon. Pim trilled happily, but whether that meant anything was anyone’s guess.

”Basically, it isn’t going to go away on its own. You need to take steps to distance your heart, not just your physical space.”

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Remi let his nose comically twitch as it was booped, shooting the midwife an adoring look. "No, of course it doesn't." He agreed, and then found himself nodding. Only...the bit about shocking made him pause and frown. "Or you could do...some pushups, or situps. Or sing a song." He countered, before shooting a pointed look at the dragon and raising a brow. He was sure Pim wouldn't actually hurt Phoebe, and while this was all very medieval, was shock therapy really necessary?

You need to take steps to distance your heart, not just your physical space "That...is very wise." Remi said, reaching around to draw his friend close. "Not that I did not think you were but...that...I think that is exactly right." Still, Remi's jaw feathered with hesitation. Loren had been gone for so long, that to put distance between them now seemed like pour lemon juice on an already open wound. He wanted to be friends with Loren, desperately so perhaps, and though he knew he absolutely shouldn't—couldn't—he didn't quite know how to move on either.

"Well, I suppose with LongNight coming up I will not have much of a choice, will I?" He said with a laugh. "Speaking of, where will you stay?" After last year, to say that he expected Phoebe to be more than a little apprehensive was an understatement.

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

Phoebe smiled at Remi as his nose twitched, laughing a bit. ”I could. But I won’t. Don’t worry though, it really just feels like when you walk across a plush carpet in wool socks and then touch a door handle.” she assured. It didn’t really hurt at all, it more served to surprise her out of her reverie.

But when he seemed to not only accept her advice but agree with it, she smiled more broadly. ”It is the only way you can save both your friendship with Loren and your marriage with Ronin. And if I can help you in any way, you know I’m here for you. Any time, day or night.” she said with a smile, ruffling his hair a little bit – which was much more fun to do when filled with feathers.

As he mentioned LongNight, she stiffened a bit. She put on a brave face with most, but not with Remi. He knew what she had gone through. There was no point in hiding anything from him. ”I am opening the College and Infirmary so if people are injured there is a dedicated location to bring them.” she said. ”There is more than enough space for people to stay in there anyways even if they aren’t hurt, and there are no outer windows or doors in the College near the main fireplaces so we don’t have to worry about the light from them attracting anything. I suppose you will be staying here? I saw that official notice or whatever it was Wessex apparently decided.” she said, rolling her eyes.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

"I am not sure I have ever worn socks on a plush carpet before." Remi chuckled with a shrug. His life had not been nearly that glamorous in Northaven, and here? Well there was nothing plush about the guildhall. "I have had Ashe shock me before, so I suppose there is that." He added with a shrug.

Chuckling, Remi nodded appreciatively. "I know. It is why I love you." He said, pressing a kiss against her golden hair and trying to force himself to relax.

Raising a brow and wanting very badly to immediately argue as she explained her LongNight plans, instead Remi swallowed and tried to hear her out. "Mmmm." The alchemist said with a nod. "Yes. I did offer, but I was surprised to know that it had been accepted given...I found out via the notice as well." Shrugging his shoulders softly he twitched his lips. "If all the healers will be at the temple, perhaps I will have to come by and gather some medical supplies for here, if that is alright. Perhaps I could give you an amulet or two, for Loren to put his healing magic in, if we need it?"

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!

PHOEBE

Let you go and the lonely in
To take my heart again

”It hurts less than a pinch and more than a poke.” Phoebe said with a shrug. Her father had one big rug he would pull out in the wintertime when she was a girl, and everyone was constantly shocking themselves with the static electricity.

She smiled as he kissed her hair, and then grinned mischievously. ”And here I thought you loved me for my sweet disposition and charming personality.” she said dramatically, laughing a little.

But of course, LongNight was the ever looming topic.

”For trying to be more ‘organized’ this is a very unorganized thing.” she grumbled. But she had no say in it, clearly. But at the mention of Loren she sighed and rolled her eyes. ”Loren will be wherever it is that Queen Wessex decrees, so he won’t be stepping foot inside the College or Infirmary because – while attached – they are not actually named places on said decree.” she said, clearly frustrated by the whole thing. ”But I can happily ask him to fill amulets with healing magic and prepare supplies for the Guildhall in advance.” she added on with a small smile.

when the heart of this wide-eyed wanderer

Unable to help it, the alchemist snorted with boyish amusement. "Some of us like being poked." He chuckled, nudging her lightly and flashing her an entirely shit-eating grin. "Oh is that why? Hmm. Forgive me, my memories have been a little unreliable, you know." He tittered back with a grin.

Hearing her speak so critically of Loren in this context made Remi frown and tilt his head. "What?" Turning quizzically, he narrowed his eyes somewhat completely unsure where all of this was coming from. "I know Wessex was organizing where everyone would stay, more or less. But..surely being in the Temple includes the Infirmary and College?" Then again, being needlessly pedantic was one of Loren's traits, so if Remi was hearing Phoebe right, maybe he did understand.

"Do you need anything from me? I can put my magic in amulets for you as well, though I am not sure sure what good it would do you."

beats in time with yours

Coding base by Sky!