From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Sinking down to join Maea on the ground, Amun tentatively placed an arm across her shoulders. As she spoke, however, he stilled, though at least he remembered to breathe and move every once in a while. When she looked at him, he shook his head slowly. "No. You haven't."
Turning to face her more fully, he gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze. "But I'd like to hear about it, if you're willing to tell me." However, the words were soft, and his expression was gentle. He made no further move to press her to speak, to ask her why she brought this now. He just sat there, and waited.
She felt his stillness spread through him at her words, connected as they were by his arm around her shoulders. Maea leaned into the touch, didn't mind it - she didn't mind him at all, that had not changed - and nodded, when he said he wanted to hear.
"We were two groups. One to go up into the Spire, one to go down. I joined the one to venture down... It was a dead end though. We breached a few locks, and someone initiated a fight with a guardian - a huge earth turtle - and forced us to kill it. Then one person jumped into the portal it had been guarding... and in the end, all we got for it was two dead Ascended and a lungful of poison. I made it out, got the others help..." She shrugged. Could still feel the burn of the acid in her lungs, and had to cough just to assure herself it was only a memory.
How fresh they were, these memories. Maea could see them like they had happened only yesterday. It felt like it was only a season ago.
"The other group... the ones who went up. They lost a few people too. But they found it... The Core. And there... The Voice appeared. One of the Ascended sacrificed herself, and caused an explosion that blew the whole top of the Spire open. It... brought the Barrier down." This too tasted bitterly. So many lives lost, and for what?
"A few days later, when I was in the Infirmary... I dragged myself to the shrine, to pray. I didn't call on anyone, didn't ask for her, but The Voice appeared for me. She... basically told me not to interfere with her plans for the future, as if I was any kind of threat. And... when I asked why she didn't try to reach out for my kind, she showed me. Very elaborately. What might happen to an Abandoned should they try to Ascend. She showed me the whole process, what she does to people when she Ascends anyone. And the one who was the subject of these proceedings... was me."
And it had not been pretty, by the look on Maea's face. Her usually pale face had gone quite ashen at the memories, and they too were fresh enough that her hands began to tremble.
"So... please forgive me, if I don't really trust her. I... can't really bring myself to be grateful, or even untroubled, by anything she does."
And perhaps that made her unreasonable, or biased, or just prejudiced, but... It was so hard not to be afraid when she had the image of herself splayed open on a slab burned into her memory. Organs removed, skin meling off her bones as the spark of magic in her soul caused a violent rejection to occur.
I'm an angel bored like hell And you're a devil meaning well
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
As Maea recounted what had happened on that fateful day, Amun didn't react. At least, not verbally: he found himself gently stroking her shoulder, trying to support her without interrupting the flow, for fear she'd never start again. When she revealed her encounter with The Voice, though, he sighed softly.
Turning, he shifted so one hand was on her shoulder, and one hand was on her knee. "I'm sorry you had to experience that. All of that." His voice was almost shockingly sympathetic, and certainly kind. "And I don't need, or expect you to accept The Voice or her creations." He smiled faintly.
Then he cocked his head to one side. "But I hope you don't mind me asking...is it possible she showed you not to drive you away from her, but to show you why she can't help the Abandoned as you wished? To show you the danger that entailed?" He reached over to take her hands, trying to squeeze them gently to stop their trembling. "And...do you know what it's like for Abandoned who wish to Attune?" Again, it came out quietly, without judgment.
It was perhaps a good thing that he did not interrup, because Maea found it incredibly hard to talk about. Certainly it wasn't the kind of story she offered lightly; the only other person she'd told had been her Provost, only a few days after it happened. It had been difficult then too... and just as that time, she was questioned on the intentions of The Voice. As if Maea could somehow answer that.
"If that was her intention, it certainly did not come across," she said, a bit hoarsely. "It sounded mostly like she was tired of her experiments failing on her." Maea watched him take her hands, hold them tight; she forced down a deep breath, and the quivers slowed a little when some of the worst tension eased. Wrapped her fingers around his hand, grateful that he didn't scold her for all her fears again.
Was she really rejecting him, by being unable to accept his goddess? Maea didn't want that... but she couldn't help it, everything in her just rebelled whenever the New Gods became involved.
"I know - knew - of one who was Abandoned, and Attuned. Peter. He... was offered a trial. And he passed it. It seems... it's more a matter of trust, for the Old Gods." Jigano had been 'cursed' with magic after arriving as Attuned. So it certainly wasn't dangerous for anyone to be both of those.
I'm an angel bored like hell And you're a devil meaning well
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Frowning a little, Amun gave Maea's hands a gentle squeeze. "If you want to stop talking about this, just say the word." His voice was soft. "I cannot speak to her intentions. But she treats her Ascended as her children. I imagine any mother would be sad to have a...miscarriage, I suppose you could call it." It came out tentatively, since he really wasn't certain on that point.
Still holding her, he offered a hesitant smile. "A trial. What sort of trial?" To him, it didn't sound too far off from what Maea had described, but he was careful not to say that. "Also...you may want to speak to Rexanna about this. I know she is both Ascended and Abandoned, so she might have answers both of us lack."
She shook her head. "No, it's... it's fine. I think we need to talk about this. It'll always be sitting there otherwise, making me doubt everything." His words, any interactions they had... Like a kernel of sand in a boot to eventually rub the foot raw. Better to vent all these issues and have them out in the open. At least this way, he was aware of all her reservations. And if they still disagreed, then.. at least they could agree to respect each others views.
She shrugged at his suggestion of the failed attempts as 'miscarriage'. It sounded well and good, but... had all those attempts been made on volunteers? Could he swear on that, and would The Voice answer truthfully if anyone asked?
"He wasn't very detailed about it. Something about being plunged into water, and not breathing until he found his shift... Dangerous, yes, but..." Maea shrugged, helplessly. She couldn't help but think it different. At least Peter had a conscious choice, was able to find the solution to his living or dying by himself. Ascending... that might be a choice too, but if it failed, it was not on them. And... perhaps that was terribly illogical. It just felt different.
"I've talked to her," she sighed, when Rexanna was brought up. "I was shocked when I found out... but she insisted that it had been her choice to go through with it. And if so... then I can't say anything.
"What I'm really afraid of," she said, straightening her back a little, so she could look at him properly, "is for that choice to be taken away. For The Voice to become so powerful that she doesn't need people's consent anymore, and can do whatever she likes to whomever she likes.
"If her vision of the future is not one I agree with... what will stop her from just forcing it upon me anyway? Sam talked about being connected with everyone else at all times... That seems terrifying to me."
Difficult questions, and certainly not ones she expected Amun to be able to answer. At this point, Maea was just venting. Revealing her deepest fears - the loss of control over her own fate - without knowing why.
I'm an angel bored like hell And you're a devil meaning well
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun nodded slowly, though he released Maea's hands. "Alright." The word came out cautiously, though he listened to her explanation avidly enough.
"But?" Again, though his voice was gentle, he was trying to get a sense for where her mind was at on all this. However, he nodded at her words about Rexanna. "For what it's worth, aside from the Outlanders, every Ascended has chosen this of their own free will. Same as the Attuned." He gave his sister and friend a tentative smile.
It slipped away as she revealed her deepest fear. Or at least, one of her deepest fears. Frowning a bit, he cocked his head to one side. "What's to stop the old gods from forcing everyone to Attune? From putting them through trials, and discarding them if they fail? From taking away people's free will, from overriding their lack of consent?"
Shifting under his insistent question, she tried to explain. "'But'... he was conscious throughout it all. It was always up to him to give up or keep trying. To find a way out. From my understanding, there's no such option during her process. I certainly do hope no one has to be conscious through what she does... and that takes away the choice, the ability to succeed or fail by your own merit. It's all in her hands, and that... I just can't be comfortable with that." Probably for the simple reason that Maea did not trust the goddess. Not even a bit.
As he questioned her on the Old God's trustworhtiness however, Maea had a clear answer for once. "Nothing," was her simple reply. "Except, they've never done so in all of creation. They made the Accepted and the Attuned, and once the Abandoned were merely Acquired and also beloved. There was a balance. But that toppled when she rose up, and now all magic users are frowned upon, because of her. I suppose that's another reason why I have issues with her... but those are quite a bit more general."
Again she sighed, and dragged her hands through the hair, untangling more than a few locks from the braid in her restless attempt to contain frustration. "I'm sorry, Amun. None of this is your fault, but I keep spilling it all on you anyway. This was supposed to be a fun trip... yet I keep draggin up these things. When the one I really should be venting to is her." Party crasher, spoilsport, mood breaker. She had more words for what she felt like, but... for the moment, they all escaped her.
I'm an angel bored like hell And you're a devil meaning well
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Amun frowned a bit at Maea's elaboration. "Was Rexanna unconscious?" Honestly, he didn't know the answer, and it showed.
As she went on to respond to his question about the old gods, his frown deepened. "So the old gods have never done something to someone against their will? And The Voice has?" Although he couldn't bring any example to mind, he was almost certain that was wrong.
Shrugging, he leaned a little away from her. "I mean, I could argue that the old gods are to blame that magic users are frowned upon because the old gods that decided they could no longer trust them, which is not specifically or entirely The Voice's fault. They were the ones who chose to cast down the rest of the magic users, weren't they?" It came out uncertainly, since again, he didn't actually know the answers to any of this.
However, he smiled easily at her. Reaching out, he pulled her hands away from her hair. "It's clearly been bothering you, and probably better you vent to me than anyone else. Especially The Voice." His voice was soft. "I am sorry, that I don't have the reassurances or the words to make you feel more comfortable."
Maea could only lift her hands helplessly, having no answers either. Probably her gods were both fickle and cruel in their own way, and no doubt The Voice had her own reasons for rebelling against them. Oh, there were answers and reasons and logical explanations to everything, and Maea knew she was being irrational, when he leveled these sensible viewpoints and questions at her.
He took her hands, pulled them away from her hair, and she let him, like she always did. He never harmed her, never forced her into anything... except perhaps to question her own set views on how the world worked. Which was rather a big thing, come to think of it.
"I don't know," she said weakly. "I don't have any answers either. It's just... I feel like a kid who hates yellow, and all around me people are painting the houses in that very shade, and it makes me want to scream and splash blue all over it so I won't have to see the awfulness. It's rather stupid and unreasonable, and I should know better."
She gave him a weak smile. "Especially when my brother is one of those who are painting."
I'm an angel bored like hell And you're a devil meaning well
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Letting go of one of Maea's hands, Amun held out his own. It was the one with a patch, and he ordered it to shift to a bright canary yellow, though still glowing. "Funny thing about colors." His voice was teasing, but in a way that invited her in on the joke.
Splotches of a royal blue started dotting the yellow square. "You can try to cover them up with one another, sure." Then the edges of yellow and blue started blurring together, turning green. A vibrant, brilliant green, many shades of it, emerald, leaf, dark, green, all of which swirled over his hand. "Or you can mix them, and make something more beautiful in the end."
Holding up his hand, he admired it for a moment before glancing at her. "I'm not asking you not to add your blues." Smiling, he reached out for her hand again. "I'm just asking if you can make some room for the yellows. Because maybe, just maybe, we can put them together instead of having them clash. And in the end, we might end up with something more than the sum of its parts."
She watched as he began to play with the colors glowing from his palm. Yellows and blues mingling, mixing, ever shifting and changing; it was soothing and mesmerizing, and quite without realizing it, Maea relaxed.
It was an outrageous thought, really. So very simple yet wrought with complications. Could The Voice ever become part of a new balance? Would the Old Gods accept her existence, and would she settle for something less than that perfect vision she had? If it was possible, then it would be the best way - the only way - of avoiding the war that seemed to loom on the horizon, dredged back up from the past centuries by the fall of the Barrier. But was it realistic to dream of such things? Probably not.
"Has anyone ever told you, that you're a hopeless optimist?" Maea looked at her brother, half amused, half in awe of his flexible mind. She took his hand when he offered it, as always unable to resist. Always eager to try and live up to the faith he showed, in the world, in hope... in her.
I'm an angel bored like hell And you're a devil meaning well
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
As Maea let Amun take her hand, he grinned. Letting the greens fade to a normal glow again, he chuckled at her words. Shaking his head, he let go of one of her hands to boop her on the nose. "Nope! Just a hopeful optimist. Hopelessness is overrated, in my opinion."
With that, he stood up, trying to gently pull her to her feet as well. "While I always enjoy our little chats, I think, perhaps, that it would be best to continue this one when we're not stuck in tunnels filled with smugglers that might flood at any moment." Smirking a bit, voice cheerfully teasing, he cocked his head to one side. "Assuming, of course, that you want to continue it."
Laughing and shaking her head, she didn't argue with him. Knew it was no point. Either way, Amun's optimism was still refreshing. She took the offered hand and and let him pull her up, again dragging her fingers through the hair. This time to try and settle the mess she'd made of it.
"Agreed... My, you're being sensible today. Is something wrong, you sick?" She looked him over in mock concern. "As much as I'd love to lay this topic to rest, I'm afraid it probably won't stay buried even if we try. But perhaps it can be saved for another time. How about I give you a chance to say 'I told you so' before dragging it up again?" If it ever came to that, Maea would be more than happy to hear it, no matter how smugly delivered.
She fell in beside him as they pressed on. This time when they hit a fork, she chose the path leading off in the other direction, and kept searching the walls and ceilings of the tunnels in search of... something. Anything that might spark interest.
I'm an angel bored like hell And you're a devil meaning well
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
