In time you'll find, I've got baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

"Alright. Take it slow." Maea moved out of the cot to give him more room to maneuver. Didn't leave him, but knew she couldn't help here. Only offer what small support she could, and be there.

Gods, he was strong. The pain must be unbearable, and yet he pushed through it to move anyway. How anyone could look down on this man was beyond her. How could they see only his mistakes and fail to realize what kind of burdens he bore, what terrors he had faced, and how much it took from him to just keep trying?

She looked away for only the briefest of moments, reached for the supplies the healer had left behind in case something like this happened. Fresh bandages, a tea to make him sleep, a salve she had been told would stop bleeding... all placed in a basket that she hastily pulled over. Ready to assist her lover if he decided that it was too painful to lie this way. Or any way.

Ah, it hurt in her to see his struggle. And her own leg wasn't even that bad.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

It hurts, so much. And the wounds on his stomach and back clench with the muscles that flex, quick sharp pants of his exertion leaving through his nose. And at the end of the day, he tries to push it away, tries to forget that its there — even though it’s impossible.

Even Haai has left the bed to settle in a seat beside it, head resting against it.

He lowers himself, hissing his pain through clenched teeth. And finally, he manages, laying down on his stomach with whirring pants, head angled toward her with pained, exhausted eyes.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

"You did so good, love. Just rest, I'll see to your wound." She couldn't fathom the kind of pain he must feel, but Maea was there as soon as he laid down. Dampening a cloth with some of the water from the pitcher, she pressed it against his forehead, wanted to give him something else to focus on besides the pain.

Loosening the bandages on his back, she set to work on cleaning up the ones that had begun to bleed. Applied salve to the edges, slathered some more over the swollen patches too - it couldn't hurt - and then changed to clean wraps to make sure everything stayed in place. Her hands were neither practiced nor steady - this was not work Maea was used to - but she was careful, and as quick as she could be. Didn't want to drag out her ministrations when they no doubt caused him pain.

"There, I think it will do until the healer can look at you," she said. Sighed, as she pulled the blanket over him again. Gave Haai a quick pat on the head, to thank her for being there with him. This time, Maea stayed on the ground beside the bed. Didn't want to risk jostling him again.

"There is a tea, to make you sleep... do you want it?" She sought his gaze, gave him the option to choose for himself. It would be better if he took it... but Maea wouldn't force him.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

She coos to him and he shivers with the exertion given through his arms, the pain that causes his muscles to clench and tremble as he closes his eyes. His eyes squeeze closed tighter as she moves the bandages and frees his back from the discomfort of them, but when she does she’ll find the wounds within the bandages far more aggravated, far more weepy and bloody. He hisses as she moves her hands around them at first, applying salves and what not – until eventually he quiets to clamp down on the inside of his cheek, arms folded in front of him as he rests his head upon them.

The blanket causes his skin to twitch, and he wearily looks to her when she offers the idea of tea. And he thinks about it, thinks about what possibly could be in the tea, what had happened before when he’d drank it in order to calm him. But he looks at Maea’s face and sees none of that within the pale lines of her face, the worry and exhaustion, and he curses himself internally for keeping her up so late for it.

If only.

“What’s in the tea?” He asks slowly, exhausted, eyelids heavy as he focuses on her.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

It was a good question. Maea reached for the jar, popped open the lid and sniffed it carefully. A strong aroma of herbs and spice rose up, stinging her eyes and tickled her nose. She had taken plenty of medicinal teas in her days, especially as a child, and this one smelled... somewhat familiar.

"If it's anything like what I was given as a child, it's a blend of soporific herbs," she told him. "It will make you dizzy, very drowsy, and numb your pain. The intention is to make you relaxed enough to fall asleep, so that your body can mend." Another sniff, and then she held the jar out for him to do the same, should he wish it. Not that she thought he would be any wiser from it.

"If we were in the Grounds I could tell you what herbs, but... I don't know if Torchline has the same plants. Possibly there might be some side effects I don't know of... but it is not dangerous. Unless you eat the whole jug."

She shrugged, as if to say it was all she could tell him, and waited for a reply. Adamant about him choosing this; Maea too remembered what he had said about the last time anyone gave him something calming. Sick and drugged; he'd slept with Phoebe after that. Cheated on Lusea.

At least out here, there was none for him to do that with. Unless he went after the poor old healer, sleeping off exhaustion in another house.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

He listens to her, rubbing his forehead along his forearm, debating the pros and cons. Pros being that he’d likely be able to fall asleep, not have any nightmares, perhaps sleep soundly with it. Cons being irrational fears, such as if the shack began to burn and he couldn’t get up in time to get her out. Irrational, and yet Sunjata couldn’t say he’d never experienced terrible wake up calls such as that.

So he focuses on her, watching as she offers the jar to him and he releases the tension in his jaw a small amount to give it a sniff. It smells different than what he’s used to, and he lifts his head a small amount to run a hand through his hair, messing with the wind curled tresses, before his hand rests on one of his horns and wraps around it. “Okay.” He agrees quietly, trusting her.

“If you think it’s okay, I’ll drink it.” He tilts his head again, gaze seeking her out. That if she thought it was safe, then he would. To try and get some sleep, to not interrupt her sleep any more than he has. He’s quiet for a long moment, before he runs a tongue along his teeth, feeling the sore muscles of his jaw from clenching and grinding, wondering if she’s noticed that he has a tendency of doing that in his sleep.

So in an effort to try and create a distracting conversation, he rests his head along his forearm again. “Do I wake you up when I sleep usually?” A small crooked smile crossing his face, wondering what other ways he might have impacted her sleep. Snoring, tossing and turning, teeth grinding. He’s curious, and it might distract her enough too.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

If she was tired, it only showed in the dark circles under her eyes. She was used to hard work and late hours, to rise early and sleep very little, if at all. And unlike him, she was not as wrecked by pain, which made it easier to keep her mood up. Keep her temper in check. The hunger was a slightly bigger issue, but that too could be set aside; she'd been worse off. The Hollowed Ground Naturals were a hardy lot, and in times like these, it showed through. Maea just sucked it up and kept grinding on until there was nothing left in her.

He met her gaze, gave his approval, and she nodded as reassuringly as she could. "Thank you for trusting me," she said, grateful. Realized it might cost him a great deal to do so, after last time someone offered him 'tea'.

She began to prepare the tea. Added three spoons of it to a cup and poured water onto it, then heated the water with her magic until it was brought to a boil. All according to instructions given - except perhaps the use of magic. Letting it steep and cool, she held the mug in her hands and considered Sunjata's question, breathing in the fragrance of herbs that began to fill the hut.

"Not usually, no," she mused, thinking back to the nights they'd spent together so far. "A few times I've been elbowed in the face, until I learned to stay close," she teased. "You snore when you've been drinking a lot, though... and sometimes you talk in your sleep." Her smile flagged somewhat. It had never been this obvious before. Not enough to wake her, just.. mumbles. "But for the most part, I sleep well. Never seem to have any nightmares when I'm with you."

Raising the cup to her lips, she blew on it. Tested the tea against her lips, but found it too hot to drink still. They'd have to wait a bit longer.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

Her words are grateful and endearing, and he offers her another smaller weak smile at that – giving her so much power over him, the ability to destroy him should she ever wish to. And he hopes he never does give her that option, that things don’t go south enough that she uses the confidence he’d given her to spit back at him – like so many others. And yet… Yet, here he was either foolish, or hopeful. He hopes it’s the latter.

She prepares the tea, and when she begins to answer his question he focuses on it – the teasing tone before she comments that he snores when he’s been drinking, that he sometimes talks in his sleep. “Do I say anything of interest?” He asks, wondering how many times he might have had nightmares like before only without the vivid pain of the one he’d had tonight – triggered only by the wounds from what he could think of. But again, he doesn’t know. “I’m sorry about the elbows.” He tells her lightly, however, managing a soft snort to that.

At the mention of her not having any nightmares with him, it causes his amusement to grow softer as she blows on the tea. “Maybe I’m your dreamcatcher.” He muses softly, giving her another one of those softer, weaker smiles.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

"Most of the time, I can't hear what you say at all," she replied. Eased herself aside to lean against his bed, so she could stroke his hair, the cup resting against her knee. "You did speak tonight... and you were very angry," Maea added softly. Brushed her thumb over his forehead, to show him she didn't mind it.

The girl did smile at the idea that he was her dreamcatcher. Pale fingers tried to drag through her hair, but found it too tangled, too full of salt to manage; frustrated, the hand sank back to his hair instead, restlessly plucking at the curls. "Maybe. Or... maybe I just feel safer when I'm with you, than any other time." She blushed a little as she said it. Strangely awkward, as if these soft words were somehow more difficult to deliver than the earthshattering declarations of love offered before.

Maybe it was because of the unusual setting, the weakened state of him... or it was just the fact that she'd never gotten the chance to really... feel her way through her own emotions before. It had all gone so swiftly from nothing to everything all at once, from feeling mild curiosity to never wanting to leave his side.

Then again... perhaps she just wasn't as confident as she usually looked. It was easy to play that game when someone else was taking the lead, but when they - when he - was not...

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

“Mmm.” He manages, a quiet agreement – or was it relief? That she couldn’t understand what it was he was saying? He’s not sure, but she strokes his hair again and tells him that he was angry tonight. His exhausted gaze flickers along her face, wondering if he’d frightened her with it like he had before. “Did I scare you?” A quieter question, much similar to her soon to be confession. That somehow it was harder to say than the idea that he loved her.

Perhaps because sometimes there wasn’t any coming back from a ledge you jump off of. But he suggests he could be her dreamcatcher, and she tells him that she feels safe with him, and he nods. Even if he couldn’t be that pillar of safety right now. He has to think about it, to realize what had gotten him in this situation, and it was the fact that he’d saved her – when she’d been surrounded by the sharks on the reef and he’d dove straight in.

He’d saved her. And sometimes there were consequences for that. This was one of them – but it wouldn’t kill him.

So he reaches out with his own hand, slipping it off the edge of the bed to reach for her cheek and neck, stroking a calloused thumb along her jaw bone. “I’m glad… That you feel safe with me.” He has to stop himself from saying ‘felt’ just in case things had changed. But… She was still here, and that was good enough for him.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

Had he scared her? It was a difficult question to answer. So she stalled, thought about it, answered his question first, and felt him reach a hand for her. Touch her cheek, and neck... and even now, it was enough to give her goosebumps. To make butterflies wake up in her stomach and dance to the rhythm of waves rolling against a beach not so very far away.

Sometimes it hit her how much a stranger he was, for all that she knew so many of his secrets. There was a difference, between knowing all about a person, and actually knowing them.

Like his temper. She'd never seen that before.

"I was... startled," she admitted quietly, and closed her eyes. Leaned against his touch, the thumb brushing along her jaw. Not as warm as usual, but it was still familiar. Soothing. Exciting. "You've never spoken like that before, not once. Even after the bar... you were calm. I just... didn't know how to react." And even now, she wasn't sure. Was this normal, or a fluke brought on by pain and exhaustion? Should she expect more tempers flaring up, or put this aside as something unusual and rare?

"I'm sorry for how I reacted before."

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

She was startled, and he understands that. He knows what it’s like to see that switch in a person, especially one that had kept it so closely guarded as he had. But she leans into his touch, a sign that while it wasn’t particularly okay, that it also wasn’t something that had her running and leaving him behind because of it. So he listens, hears her explain that even after the bar he hadn’t let it slip – but he had been drunk and numb and surprisingly free if not a bit pissed off. And she apologizes for how she reacted, and all Sunjata can do is stroke her cheek gently. An acceptance, and an apology of his own.

Perhaps now he was just too attached to her, got in too deep. So he continues to stroke her jaw gently, hears her apology, and nods to it. “I try to keep it on a leash.” He explains quietly, slowly, trying to recall the last time he’d been that pissed and frustrated toward someone he cared so much about. The last time he can remember was with Lusea, last Deepfrost. Deepfrost, and he’d made it all the way until LongHeat without incident.

“It’s… That side of my father that they wanted so badly for me to be.” A frown crosses his face, for the lack of empathy that part of him holds when in reality he cares so deeply for so much. Even if he pretends he doesn’t. “A Senzaok temper, they used to say about my lineage... I've tried to break that too.” He trails off, puffing out a quiet sigh.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too

Maea

give me shelter, or show me heart

She considered this. The explanation, the reason why he didn't let it show. Maea could understand it, at least in part. Not wishing to become like someone he hated so very deeply. But... well. Now she at least knew it existed? That he wasn't always cool and collected, in control. And it made him... somehow more human. Not quite as flawless.

Because for all his drinking and smoking and sleeping around, there was still an air of confidence about him. One that made Sunjata give off this appearance that he chose all of that. It wasn't coincidence or mistakes, what happened around him, just risks he was willing to take to achieve some undefineable goal. And if she hadn't known him, hadn't been let inside his guard to see how warm and soft he actually was... it would be so very easy to mistake him for the monster he called himself.

"I think... I would prefer if you got properly angry," she said. To her own surprise, it seemed... but no less true. "Next time, I won't flinch like that." It wouldn't be fun to face him in a temper, but it wasn't supposed to be that all the time, was it?

Looking up, she sought his gaze. To see what he thought of it, what he would say.

watch me fall apart
and I'll be yours to keep

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

She has to be insane, to want to see that side of him. To tell him that she won’t flinch, even if his words were harsh, his tongue sharp. His thumb stalls in its idle strokes, gaze shuddering as she meets his steel. She didn’t know his father, didn’t know what the man was like. How much empathy the man lacked, how stubborn and straight his spine was.

He sighs again, slow and precise, gaze dropping to the tea. “You wouldn’t like it.” He finally says after a moment. His gaze flickering as he rises it to her face. “I don’t back down.” He could drag arguments out forever, but he also wasn’t one to leave until they were done, hopefully with the last word.

“I’m not… Physically violent. But I can be really wounding with my words.” His jaw clenches again, wondering if this is what she wanted to get into. He doesn’t believe her when she tells him she won’t flinch, because he knows how to get her to. To hit low, like his father did, and he hates that part of his mind — reels from it.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too