In time you'll find, I've got baggage too

SUNJATA

the flood

but is this what you want? what you wanted?
do you need love? am i enough for you?

She flinches again when he touches her knee, and he realizes even more that the tone that had slipped had been that of his own father – the very same that had chastised him, had used that tone because he knew it would stop the further arguments, the points of view. And he’d never wanted to do that, never wanted to be someone that made others feel small in that aspect.

They had their voices, and gods knew he was one of those unheard ones. So his hand leaves her knee to pull both of his hands to his face and rub at it, despite the way it puts pressure on his wounds. “I’m sorry Maea.” He says weakly, wondering if it even matters anymore. Perhaps it’s better that she’s seen this side of him now, before the house, before everything else – for that time when it inevitably slips again and she realizes that there’s that other side of him.

“It’s not okay, I shouldn’t have done that.” He admits, somewhat muffled behind his hands. They lower to his neck, and he shifts his head in the pillow of the cot to look at her. “I just… I’m not at my best, and you know I get those tendencies to drift to that place too.” He trails off, searching her face as he frowns briefly. His voice grows quieter next, revealing a deep set fear, bright and shining against the dark of everything else that surrounds them. “I don’t want you to ever feel like that too… That it should have been you instead. I’ll be okay. I’m sorry.” He finally says, some hint of desperation in his voice again but this time it urges something else.

Please look at me. She’ll see the regret swimming in his gaze.

in time you'll find i've got my baggage too