Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away
It was not the hard, clear cut lines Maea wanted. She felt like screaming and running, holding her hands over the ears and not listen, like a child. Just like when Amun challenged her on The Voice, on the Ascended, on her other fears and insecurities. Sunjata held her in a firm grip and did not let go, as challenging about this as her pretend-brother usually was, and just like before... her arguments did not hold up. Oh, she didn't like it, but couldn't find words for what it was that felt so wrong either.
And without logic to back her up, without reason to fall back on... then she had nothing. Nothing but the fear and the hollow unease in her gut that whispered that this was something to run from, to avoid, a slippery slope that would send her sliding off to places unknown. More change, and not one she had invited.
"I... No. Of course I don't," she half whispered, gaze lowering. Again, reluctant, but she couldn't deny that what he said was true. Maea had asked for more... even with Sunjata there in the room. She'd had feelings for him already at that point, and yet... "It's just..."
She wasn't quite ready to make that agreement. Wanted to make peace, to make things alright, but Maea felt overrun, like she was about to agree to something she wasn't actually willing to live with. Looking up at Sunjata, she searched his face. Knew there were questions he hadn't answered, issues he wasn't facing. And the question he asked her, if it would be so bad to be touched by him and another... it made her face burn just to think about, her feelings very unclear.
"I... I-I don't... You wouldn't let him bite any other time?" she asked, stubbornly refusing to let the most pressing of her concerns drop. Used it to buy herself time. "You'd make it clear to him it wouldn't be okay? " For any of them, him or her. Off limits, except for emergencies.
She was trying to compromise. Trying so hard, when she really just wanted to say flatly no to all of this and try to pretend the conversation never happened.
And without logic to back her up, without reason to fall back on... then she had nothing. Nothing but the fear and the hollow unease in her gut that whispered that this was something to run from, to avoid, a slippery slope that would send her sliding off to places unknown. More change, and not one she had invited.
"I... No. Of course I don't," she half whispered, gaze lowering. Again, reluctant, but she couldn't deny that what he said was true. Maea had asked for more... even with Sunjata there in the room. She'd had feelings for him already at that point, and yet... "It's just..."
She wasn't quite ready to make that agreement. Wanted to make peace, to make things alright, but Maea felt overrun, like she was about to agree to something she wasn't actually willing to live with. Looking up at Sunjata, she searched his face. Knew there were questions he hadn't answered, issues he wasn't facing. And the question he asked her, if it would be so bad to be touched by him and another... it made her face burn just to think about, her feelings very unclear.
"I... I-I don't... You wouldn't let him bite any other time?" she asked, stubbornly refusing to let the most pressing of her concerns drop. Used it to buy herself time. "You'd make it clear to him it wouldn't be okay? " For any of them, him or her. Off limits, except for emergencies.
She was trying to compromise. Trying so hard, when she really just wanted to say flatly no to all of this and try to pretend the conversation never happened.
