Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away
Some of that jealousy flashed through her eyes as he mentioned having been chained down at the time, when it became clear beyond a doubt what he and Hotaru must have been doing. This drunk, and with the row so close to both their minds, it was an easy subject to slip into, but it didn't mean Maea was any happier about it.
And then he rattled off the long list of fuckups that happened, and in her mind Maea filled in the shit that happened before Lusea even died. His relation with Phoebe after coming to Caido, Lusea showing up during Deepfrost, his cheating on her, the whole mess with Phoebe's unborn child... it was not a pretty picture.
"It's a mess," she agreed, too drunk to wrap her words in pretty silk and spoonfeed him what he might need to hear. "I didn't actually choose you, you know. You just fell into my life from nowhere. I got on fine, and then there you were, all smiles and hands and tattooed shoulders, and I couldn't get you out of my head." She leaned into the hand at her back, incredibly warm through the fabric of her dress, and nearly purred when he pushed her hair back. "Especially not when you do that... But then I realized, yannow? That even if it was a fucked up situation, and even if it hurt a lot, I was still happier when you were around, than when you were not. And that day... when we met here, at the lighthouse? I was so tired of being in pain without you, that I figured... might as well be in pain and at least see your face. Even if I had to fucking share you with the rest of the world."
Her lips trembled a little, and her eyes were angry and sad and terribly soft when they looked at him. "I don't really care if the world ends tomorrow. Or if I don't wake up. But if it means I get another night with you, another day... then I'll endure anything. As long as it's what you want. Because... I don't know why, but you've ended up being all I want. And - " she drew a breath, shuddering and deep, her gaze searching for his " - and if that makes me cruel, and greedy, and a naive idiot, then fine, I'll be all of that."
And then he rattled off the long list of fuckups that happened, and in her mind Maea filled in the shit that happened before Lusea even died. His relation with Phoebe after coming to Caido, Lusea showing up during Deepfrost, his cheating on her, the whole mess with Phoebe's unborn child... it was not a pretty picture.
"It's a mess," she agreed, too drunk to wrap her words in pretty silk and spoonfeed him what he might need to hear. "I didn't actually choose you, you know. You just fell into my life from nowhere. I got on fine, and then there you were, all smiles and hands and tattooed shoulders, and I couldn't get you out of my head." She leaned into the hand at her back, incredibly warm through the fabric of her dress, and nearly purred when he pushed her hair back. "Especially not when you do that... But then I realized, yannow? That even if it was a fucked up situation, and even if it hurt a lot, I was still happier when you were around, than when you were not. And that day... when we met here, at the lighthouse? I was so tired of being in pain without you, that I figured... might as well be in pain and at least see your face. Even if I had to fucking share you with the rest of the world."
Her lips trembled a little, and her eyes were angry and sad and terribly soft when they looked at him. "I don't really care if the world ends tomorrow. Or if I don't wake up. But if it means I get another night with you, another day... then I'll endure anything. As long as it's what you want. Because... I don't know why, but you've ended up being all I want. And - " she drew a breath, shuddering and deep, her gaze searching for his " - and if that makes me cruel, and greedy, and a naive idiot, then fine, I'll be all of that."
