you should know, that i'm a ticking time bomb
and you're getting close
Perhaps she had been an escape all this time, a distraction to ignore the pain and hurt that burrowed deep within. But that didn’t mean he didn’t love her. It was just… A different way than she loved him – and it showed in this drunken confession, the way she had obsessed over him and he had done that too – just not for her, for his flame. So he understood, that deep set feeling of wanting to be everything you could to keep it together.
But he wasn’t like Lusea, who didn’t have a predecessor lover that was everything he could ever need or want. It was the equivalent of having the best thing in your life only to have it ripped away, to spend the rest of your life searching for that high, only to be disappointed over and over again. And he hates himself for it, for hurting her this way – for not being the type of person she needs right now, perhaps he never would be… Perhaps he would one day.
Everything is just too fresh. And he had slapped a bandaid over the problem rather than dealing with it. Had left it to fester and become wounding, ignoring it until the pain of it grew too much.
She stops, and Sunjata’s gaze lands on her – full of regret and apology and that very same fear. “I’m sorry.” He says quietly, words for only her. “I… It’s just… It has happened fast, and at first I was fine with that because I could ignore the real problem.” He clenches his jaw taking a long inhale. “But I do love you… And maybe, maybe one day I’ll be less fucked up…” ‘Maybe one day it can work, when I figure this shit out.’ “I shouldn’t have done this to you. You deserve so much more.” And he regrets everything about it, about not being able to love her the way she deserves to be loved.
To be looked at like the sun, that fit all of her boxes, that showed her the world without making her worry if he stayed out too late.
Gods he was a mess.
But he wasn’t like Lusea, who didn’t have a predecessor lover that was everything he could ever need or want. It was the equivalent of having the best thing in your life only to have it ripped away, to spend the rest of your life searching for that high, only to be disappointed over and over again. And he hates himself for it, for hurting her this way – for not being the type of person she needs right now, perhaps he never would be… Perhaps he would one day.
Everything is just too fresh. And he had slapped a bandaid over the problem rather than dealing with it. Had left it to fester and become wounding, ignoring it until the pain of it grew too much.
She stops, and Sunjata’s gaze lands on her – full of regret and apology and that very same fear. “I’m sorry.” He says quietly, words for only her. “I… It’s just… It has happened fast, and at first I was fine with that because I could ignore the real problem.” He clenches his jaw taking a long inhale. “But I do love you… And maybe, maybe one day I’ll be less fucked up…” ‘Maybe one day it can work, when I figure this shit out.’ “I shouldn’t have done this to you. You deserve so much more.” And he regrets everything about it, about not being able to love her the way she deserves to be loved.
To be looked at like the sun, that fit all of her boxes, that showed her the world without making her worry if he stayed out too late.
Gods he was a mess.
so better watch your step, because i'm about to blow
and where the pieces land i guess we'll never know
SuNJATA
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.
