Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away
There were many things Maea didn't want to hear, or see, or do. But her will wasn't the end all, be all in this world, was it? She wasn't a god, couldn't shape it to her liking, nor could she remain the child that covered her ears with hands and screamed to make hateful things go away.
"It might," she agreed, very plainly through her tears. "Or you might never stop looking for her, thinking of her, loving her. Gods know, I won't be able to forget you, and we've only had a season. If I think of losing you... I wouldn't want anyone else either. But then, what do we do? You love her, and you love me, and I love you... Where does that leave us?"
Tired, head pounding, the pushed herself up to sit on the table. Feet dangling, too short to reach the floor. Her heart was not made for this. Was he staying, leaving, did he want her or be free from her, or...?
"Do you really think I would be safer away from you?" she asked. "Out of your sight, where you can't see me, hear me, even try to help, if I wound up needing it? Caido is a dangerous place, yes, you're right. But you're not making it more so, love. You're not the one who killed Lusea. Halo did, all on its own. You did not murder Peter or Adam. The dragon did. It was a mistake to underestimste the danger, yes, but.. did anyone try to stop you? Tell you it was a foolish idea? As I recall, Amalia wasn't the only one asking you to spare the dragon's life. I did too. If you'd gone in there prepared to fight... Don't you think things would have turned out very differently?"
She reached out a hand, to try and put ut over one of his clawed ones, tentative. Like she was reaching across some terrible expanse, and might not be welcome.
"If I'd been with anyone else when the sharks attacked, I would probably have died. If you hadn't taught me how to use the bow, I would have gone after the Cloud Manta with a pocket knife and some magic, and probably not even bothered with backup. I would have gone to Halo on my own with no Advocates at my back to help if things go wrong... and I'm learning to master my magic because you assured me it was not a flaw in my nature, but a strength. You've only made me stronger since I met you, Sunjata Senzaok... do you want me to continue telling you in what other ways?"
Maea kept her tone quiet and consistent, lining up the facts like so many notes. Clear, consistent, with dry realism, not trying to sugarcoat anything. Or glorify him, because she didn't need to. He wasn't half as terrible as he thought. Just a broken boy forced to wear the mask of a man, pushed off a cliff to face a flood before taught how to swim.
"It might," she agreed, very plainly through her tears. "Or you might never stop looking for her, thinking of her, loving her. Gods know, I won't be able to forget you, and we've only had a season. If I think of losing you... I wouldn't want anyone else either. But then, what do we do? You love her, and you love me, and I love you... Where does that leave us?"
Tired, head pounding, the pushed herself up to sit on the table. Feet dangling, too short to reach the floor. Her heart was not made for this. Was he staying, leaving, did he want her or be free from her, or...?
"Do you really think I would be safer away from you?" she asked. "Out of your sight, where you can't see me, hear me, even try to help, if I wound up needing it? Caido is a dangerous place, yes, you're right. But you're not making it more so, love. You're not the one who killed Lusea. Halo did, all on its own. You did not murder Peter or Adam. The dragon did. It was a mistake to underestimste the danger, yes, but.. did anyone try to stop you? Tell you it was a foolish idea? As I recall, Amalia wasn't the only one asking you to spare the dragon's life. I did too. If you'd gone in there prepared to fight... Don't you think things would have turned out very differently?"
She reached out a hand, to try and put ut over one of his clawed ones, tentative. Like she was reaching across some terrible expanse, and might not be welcome.
"If I'd been with anyone else when the sharks attacked, I would probably have died. If you hadn't taught me how to use the bow, I would have gone after the Cloud Manta with a pocket knife and some magic, and probably not even bothered with backup. I would have gone to Halo on my own with no Advocates at my back to help if things go wrong... and I'm learning to master my magic because you assured me it was not a flaw in my nature, but a strength. You've only made me stronger since I met you, Sunjata Senzaok... do you want me to continue telling you in what other ways?"
Maea kept her tone quiet and consistent, lining up the facts like so many notes. Clear, consistent, with dry realism, not trying to sugarcoat anything. Or glorify him, because she didn't need to. He wasn't half as terrible as he thought. Just a broken boy forced to wear the mask of a man, pushed off a cliff to face a flood before taught how to swim.
