Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away
"I know that," she whispered hoarsely. "I never expected you to... The ones we love never really leave us, as long as we remember them. They're part of us, who we are." She ran her free hand over her face, pawing away tears. Her eyes looked hollow, gaunt... haunted by her own dead. It was easy to forget that she had lost everything too. Maea rarely talked about them.
He let her take his hand, but didn't reciprocate the gesture, and it hurt her. As much as hearing how he reasoned his way closer and closer to an ending so permanent it could not be undone.
"Did you ever wonder, how all my family could pass away, while I was spared? It's because I wasn't with them, that LongNight. I was at the Rathskeller. Safe, with a full belly. Meeting friends and seeing the Spark Bird... while they fought for their lives, and ran, and died." Maea turned her head to look at him. Guilt black in her eyes. "If I had been there... I could have done something. I could have helped them. At least, I could have died with them. Like I should. And yet... I'm sitting here, and I can't help but wonder if I would have met you if they were still alive. If I would still be here today. And... and I can't feel sorry about it. I can't. If I could go back, knowing what would come... I wouldn't change a thing.
"Terrible, aren't I? You shouldn't be worrying about protecting someone like me. There's probably nothing I wouldn't do. Nothing I wouldn't say, or promise... Ludo save me, it scares me to think of the things I would do for you."
Abandon pride, abandon hope, turn her back on the light and walk straight into the black abyss, eyes wide open. Stain her hands red, her heart black, cry until her eyes bled... and still she would love him. And maybe that should terrify him.
"All I'm saying is... that if you have to leave for your sake, to be truly happy... then I will let you go. Because I want that for you. Even if it's not with me. But... if you're going because you're trying to protect me from yourself... then.. please stop. I don't need that. I might not have chosen to fall in love with you, but I did choose to stay with you. You gave me every chance to leave, and I still chose you. And I'll keep choosing you. Because I don't care if it's dangerous or if it might hurt.... to me, you're worth every risk."
She shrugged. A helpless little twitch of the shoulders, that dislodged her hand from his, unless he held on to it.
"I guess... this is your time to choose. If you think what we have is worth the fight. I might die tomorrow. Or I could wake up fifty years from now, to see that you've gone before me. Death... is the only certain thing. Only question is what to do with life until it ends."
And maybe that was why she loved death's herold, why she was not afraid of the dark. It was the only constant in a changing world.
He let her take his hand, but didn't reciprocate the gesture, and it hurt her. As much as hearing how he reasoned his way closer and closer to an ending so permanent it could not be undone.
"Did you ever wonder, how all my family could pass away, while I was spared? It's because I wasn't with them, that LongNight. I was at the Rathskeller. Safe, with a full belly. Meeting friends and seeing the Spark Bird... while they fought for their lives, and ran, and died." Maea turned her head to look at him. Guilt black in her eyes. "If I had been there... I could have done something. I could have helped them. At least, I could have died with them. Like I should. And yet... I'm sitting here, and I can't help but wonder if I would have met you if they were still alive. If I would still be here today. And... and I can't feel sorry about it. I can't. If I could go back, knowing what would come... I wouldn't change a thing.
"Terrible, aren't I? You shouldn't be worrying about protecting someone like me. There's probably nothing I wouldn't do. Nothing I wouldn't say, or promise... Ludo save me, it scares me to think of the things I would do for you."
Abandon pride, abandon hope, turn her back on the light and walk straight into the black abyss, eyes wide open. Stain her hands red, her heart black, cry until her eyes bled... and still she would love him. And maybe that should terrify him.
"All I'm saying is... that if you have to leave for your sake, to be truly happy... then I will let you go. Because I want that for you. Even if it's not with me. But... if you're going because you're trying to protect me from yourself... then.. please stop. I don't need that. I might not have chosen to fall in love with you, but I did choose to stay with you. You gave me every chance to leave, and I still chose you. And I'll keep choosing you. Because I don't care if it's dangerous or if it might hurt.... to me, you're worth every risk."
She shrugged. A helpless little twitch of the shoulders, that dislodged her hand from his, unless he held on to it.
"I guess... this is your time to choose. If you think what we have is worth the fight. I might die tomorrow. Or I could wake up fifty years from now, to see that you've gone before me. Death... is the only certain thing. Only question is what to do with life until it ends."
And maybe that was why she loved death's herold, why she was not afraid of the dark. It was the only constant in a changing world.
