Maea
And I hope that you don't suffer
But take the pain
But take the pain
So much for honesty. Truth really could cut ropes as fast as lies, couldn't they... She'd said too much. Showed her hand too clearly, and look at where it brought her.
He listed the options, and Maea felt the ground crumble beneath her all over again. What happened to the happy medium of being away but seeing each other often? To train and have fun and share what they could and then...
But that's what she had known, wasn't it. That he couldn't stick to it. That there would be too many temptations between now and next time, and then she wasn't talking only about sleeping with other people. Gods, he hadn't even been talking about that bit for most of the time, and yet it was all she could really think about. All she worried about.
With a sound like a whimper she sank down on her heels, still holding herself tight, knuckles whitening on her fingers again. Eyes closed, she shut him out for a moment, tried to sort through the violent rejections both the options left her with. To have him sometimes... or to not have him at all. To share him with potential others... or leave him all to them.
It all came down to pride, in the end, didn't it? What she was willing to put up with.
"I hate both of them," she admitted, from behind gritted teeth. While they were this blunt, let's just go ahead and leave it all out there, why don't they. "I wish I could take it back, take everything back, that I never left the bed this morning. Fuck this, why did it have to become this way...?" It was a hiss, a sob, a wretched sound of ugly words... and she who so rarely cussed bit it off and spat it out like it tasted far too bitter to keep on her tongue.
"I just... can't think of anyone I'd want besides you," she went on. Hid her face in the sleeves, fists clenched so hard. "So in the end.. it would just be one sided. I'd still be waiting alone, and you would be..." What would he be doing? Fucking Nate, probably. Doing the rounds, picking up the new, the interesting, the things he hadn't tried before. Just to see if it tasted different from her. If anything left him wanting more than her.
If he missed her enough to come back.
"It's the same, no matter what I choose, isn't it."
They could call it love all they wanted. Could even mean it. Believe it, and yet... what did it matter, if none of them trusted it?
He listed the options, and Maea felt the ground crumble beneath her all over again. What happened to the happy medium of being away but seeing each other often? To train and have fun and share what they could and then...
But that's what she had known, wasn't it. That he couldn't stick to it. That there would be too many temptations between now and next time, and then she wasn't talking only about sleeping with other people. Gods, he hadn't even been talking about that bit for most of the time, and yet it was all she could really think about. All she worried about.
With a sound like a whimper she sank down on her heels, still holding herself tight, knuckles whitening on her fingers again. Eyes closed, she shut him out for a moment, tried to sort through the violent rejections both the options left her with. To have him sometimes... or to not have him at all. To share him with potential others... or leave him all to them.
It all came down to pride, in the end, didn't it? What she was willing to put up with.
"I hate both of them," she admitted, from behind gritted teeth. While they were this blunt, let's just go ahead and leave it all out there, why don't they. "I wish I could take it back, take everything back, that I never left the bed this morning. Fuck this, why did it have to become this way...?" It was a hiss, a sob, a wretched sound of ugly words... and she who so rarely cussed bit it off and spat it out like it tasted far too bitter to keep on her tongue.
"I just... can't think of anyone I'd want besides you," she went on. Hid her face in the sleeves, fists clenched so hard. "So in the end.. it would just be one sided. I'd still be waiting alone, and you would be..." What would he be doing? Fucking Nate, probably. Doing the rounds, picking up the new, the interesting, the things he hadn't tried before. Just to see if it tasted different from her. If anything left him wanting more than her.
If he missed her enough to come back.
"It's the same, no matter what I choose, isn't it."
They could call it love all they wanted. Could even mean it. Believe it, and yet... what did it matter, if none of them trusted it?
Hope if everybody runs
You choose to stay
You choose to stay
