From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
”Though what?” she says, sounding like the nosey sister she is, even if she is not his sister. Curiosity killed the cat, and Weaver is definitely the cat. ”You can’t leave a girl hanging like that. Details Loren.” She nudges him again, not concerned that he’s pretending to look at the papers on the desk. There were only so many papers for them to look at, after all.
She chuckles at his next comment, nodding slightly as she drifts back to the bookcase. ”I do,” she says a bit playfully, though there’s truth in that as well. She is not a modest girl, and she is very aware how others usually see her. Even those not interested in her would objectivelly call her attractive. ”Though it is nice to hear it all the same. Thank you,” she says, meaning it. Particularly, it is nice to hear it from him.
Weaver picks up the book left behind on the shelf. A book of adventures, and she smiles a bit sadly as she flips through it absentmindedly. ”Hmm, we drag him kicking and screaming, probably,” she suggests, though it is clearly not a real suggestion. ”I am sure I can tell him to come get a drink with me and just magically bring him to the party instead, though he might wonder why I have come to Torchline for that…” she says, shrugging. It’s a flimsy excuse, but it would work if they had no better ideas. ”Do you have some actual business there he might believe?”
Grimacing, Loren sighed. "Fine. I've been...well, I've been seeing a lot of people. But I've been seeing one person a bit more regularly." He held up his hands as if to ward off Weaver's next question, which seemed inevitable. "I'm not, I don't know, if it's going to go anywhere. Probably not." The words came out in a slightly jumbled rush.
Smiling a bit faintly, he walked over so he could nudge her with his shoulder. "Then I'll have to say it more often." He picked up the slightly battered looking bow, running his hands along the pitted wood.
Brow furrowing, he hummed thoughtfully. "I can just ask him to meet me on the beach. It shouldn't be too suspicious, given that I'm not supposed to go to his house."
She gives him a mischievous little smile as he answers. ”I wasn’t going to ask if it was going anywhere. I was just going to ask who.” Though she doesn’t push that, allowing him to answer or not as he feels inclined. ”Honestly Loren, as long as you are enjoying it now, does it matter if it’s going somewhere?” She knows people care about these sorts of things, but it seems overly complicated to think of the future so long as the present is working.
Weaver looks up from the book as he nudges her, and she holds it out if he’d like to look it over. There’s something painful about looking at a book of adventures. Perhaps they were things Maea had wanted to do in her life, or perhaps it was merely a book. Though she didn’t think it was merely a book, because she still believed Maea was steering them to the items that were important to her.
”Dare I ask why you aren’t supposed to go to his house?” she asks, eyebrows arched. Maybe it was better not to know, but still, if he is willing to tell her, she is willing to listen. ”Though that sounds like as good a plan as any.” It certainly wouldn’t raise suspicions.
Laughing a bit nervously, Loren shook his head. "No one you know." Then he gave Weaver an embarrassed look. "At least, I don't think you do." Sighing, he shrugged. "His name is Sam." For a moment he tensed on the off chance she was familiar with the bookmaker.
The healer rubbed one hand up and down his arm, clearly a nervous gesture. "It does if the other person wants it to go somewhere." Tone subdued, he scuffed at the floor a bit.
Honestly he hadn't been expecting her to hand over the book. Still, he set the bow down and took the volume almost gingerly. Flipping through it, he bit his lip as he realized what it was. For a long moment, he was silent, and when he finally did speak his voice was quiet. "Maybe we can go on some of these in honor of her." He pressed his hand against the page he was on as he glanced up at her.
Again chuckling awkwardly, he ran his free hand through his hair. "I uh, well. Pissed off Sunjata's neighbors." That was quite clearly an understatement.
Her eyebrows raise slightly at the name. ”Sam like Samuel Wordsworth?” she asks. ”I met him once.” He’d been hiding from the sun while trying to catch it, and they’d spent a while chatting. She may not have become best buds with him, but he certainly seemed like a decent enough guy. ”I can kind of see it,” she says with a shrug and still without the judgment he seems to expect. Perhaps he is so used to it coming from others, but Weaver merely wants to know.
”Ah, complications,” she says, wrinkling her nose slightly. Clearly complications are not her style, but then again, she never really has expectations. That is far easier when you’ve never been in love, probably, though she wonders if she’d care even then. ”I can see the problem.” It may not be a problem she entirely understands emotionally, she can get the concept well enough.
Weaver picks up the silver amulet again, finding that she wants to keep it. She has the recipes, but still, she likes the little charm. Though she doesn’t mean to be greedy, it stays in her palm, willing to give it up if Loren asks though. His suggestion that they go on some of the adventures makes her smile with a bittersweet look on her face. ”I would love to,” she says, because it seems fitting. Besides, she would be lying if she said she minded the excuse to spend more time with him. They may turn into nothing more than friends, but friendship was enough for her. ”Would you like to take the book? You can decide our future adventures.”
She gives him a slightly rueful smile. ”Do I dare ask for those details, or am I better off not knowing what you did?” Her tone is playful though. Perhaps he made enemies of others, but she suspected she wouldn’t be all that offended by him.
"The very same." Loren's relief that Weaver didn't have problems with the bookmaker was palpable. Smiling, the healer rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "He is a decent guy. Has his problems like the rest of us, but more decent than me." His tone was wry, and maybe a little guilty.
Sighing, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Even if I wanted that, which, honestly, I have no idea, it's never going to work." Shrugging, he lowered his hand. "He has a life in the Hollowed Ground and...some day I'll want kids." As he spoke, his fingers drummed a nervous beat against his thigh.
When she agreed to go on future excursions with him, he smiled faintly. Tucking the book under one arm, he watched her with the amulet. However, he said nothing. Between the book and the map, he had more reminders than he'd thought he would. "Looking forward to it."
Snorting he pressed his lips together. "How much time you got?" Waving a hand vaguely in the air, he took a deep breath. "Sunjata lives next to Remi and Ronin. They're from my old world. I pursued Remi for a while. Fooled around a bit with him. But...our society wasn't open to that sort of relationship." His expression and tone grew sad. "Still, I made him promises. Then we came here and I...disappeared for a while. Couldn't cope with everything, and it drove me mad, and I ran away from it all."
Pausing, he unclenched his hand from the fist it had formed. "Which meant I broke those promises. Remi and Ronin ended up getting married. Then I came back and just fucked everything up further. So, yeah, they're not the biggest fans of mine. And I don't blame them in the slightest."
”I am going to give you a tip. Stop putting yourself down so much. I am entirely capable of being a pretty terrible person, but I’m okay with that, and you don’t hear me say it. You aren’t a terrible person. You’ve maybe made some stupid decisions. Be okay with it and just move on. You are a decent person, Loren.” She gives him a pointed look. Maybe she sees too much good in the midst of all the bad, but then again, someone really needs to find the goodness left in the world. Maybe that was the best part of her. ”I’m guessing Sam would agree with me.” Now she gives him a playful little grin.
She listens as he talks of his future dreams of a family, and she nods slightly. ”There are other ways to have children, though I assume you know that…” she says, trailing off. He seems to have seriously dated enough men, at least one of whom he’d admitted to loving, to know there might be alternatives for children. Women willing to bear them, or simply not wanting the ones they had. ”Maybe The Voice can make you one? You know, I have no idea how that works.” Were there ever Ascended children from the start, or were they all born as something else first? ”Unless he simply doesn’t want them.”
Weaver settles in, leaning against the bookcase as Loren talks, now turned to face him instead of the remaining contents of the shelf. She crosses her arms, though simply in a casual, comfortable way, as he speaks. ”Ah,” she says. ”Remi doesn’t seem like your type. At least, not the Remi I met in Torchline. Obviously I didn’t know him before.” This is clearly not really the crux of the issue, but rather a Weaver tangent. Though her tangents are usually telling, and in this case, simply that there is not judgment from her. ”We all fuck things up,” she says with a shrug, because it is what it is. Even if maybe he’s done it a few more times than the rest of them.
Loren snorted at Weaver's comment. "But it's one of my more charming qualities." When he realized he'd made another self-deprecating joke, he sighed. "Sorry. Habit. Being told for most of your life how awful you are, and doing some pretty terrible things makes it hard to have a...healthy self-image." Grimacing, he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.
Shrugging, he nodded. 'I know. It's not...I don't know if he wants kids. I know Ascended can't have them, though. Physically." They hadn't talked about it, because that would require them to talk about their future together, which wasn't something he'd felt up to doing.
At least not yet.
"There's more though. He's on the council of the Hollowed Ground, and he hates Zariah. I'm...not willing to give up my position here." His tone was sad, and he gave her a chagrined look.
Letting out a huff of laughter, he rubbed his hands together nervously. "I don't really have a type. It's...well...I'm ah, not particular that way." Clearing his throat awkwardly, he couldn't quite meet her eyes. "But he's very different from when I first met him. And...the death of his daughter devastated him. I don't blame him for how he's coping, and it's my fault he and Ronin want nothing to do with me." That wasn't him putting himself down again. It was simply the truth, at least as he saw it.
She chuckles lightly. ”The joking, yes. When you actually mean it? Not so much.” Weaver gives him a pointed look, raising one brow and cocking her head slightly. ”Change starts with you, you know.” People would see him as he saw himself. So much of life was how you acted. Her mother had always taught her to act like she owned the place. It had certainly worked for Straia, for she commanded a room even when she had no business being there.
She listens, keeping her mouth shut for as he goes through the issues for a future between him and Sam. She nods, not necessarily the most sympathetic listener, but she does listen. And sometimes she even just commiserates with you. Not everything deserves an opinion, or a need to be fixed. Though often she can’t quite help herself. ”Loren, are you looking for excuses for it to fail?” she asks when he’s done. It’s not that they aren’t valid reasons, it’s that he seems to be hunting for a way out before anything even really began.
”If you want something fun for now, there’s nothing wrong with that. Just make Sam’s on board with how you feel.” She shrugs slightly. It doesn’t have to be so very complicated so long as you are honest. Feelings may not fall in line, but it’s easier, at least, when you know what to expect from the beginning. When you can agree to the heartbreak and expect it, and simply be surprised if it never comes.
Weaver rubs her thumb and forefinger against the amulet still in her hand. It reminds her so much of Maea it almost hurts, but she loves it all the same. ”As Seren once told me, I wish everyone could get along. I did not have the heart to tell her life would never be so simple. But at least it’s a good excuse to get Sunjata to this party.” Her tone gets a little lighter at the end, making half of a joke, hoping to make him feel a little less...well, like him.
Staying silent for a long moment, Loren finally sighed. "And if I mean it even when I'm joking?" Shaking his head, he gave Weaver a suitably cowed look. "I know. It's...gods, the worst part is I think I'm a good person, even if I've done some pretty shitty things."
He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm just afraid of...accepting that? Because it means I won't be as vigilant for when I slip back into bad behaviors." Tone a bit subdued, he shrugged, hoping she would understand his less than coherent thought process.
Hesitating, he finally nodded slowly. "Almost always." Cheeks flushing a bit with embarrassment, he spread his hands ina 'what can you do' gesture. "I've been honest with him. And he's been very clear that he's open to more with me." Expression troubled, he sighed.
Laughing a bit awkwardly at the mention of Seren, Loren gave Weaver a chagrined look. "There is that. Although you'll have to forgive me if I stay on the outskirts of the party, given who I imagine will be in attendance." That wasn't a joke, no matter how much he tried to make it sound like one.
She chuckles slightly, shaking her head at him, though in a good natured sort of way. ”I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Even the best of people do shitty things.” If they said they didn’t, they were probably lying. No one was perfect. Loren’s track record may be worse than the average person, but he seemed to be trying now. Not all wrongs could be righted, and time did not heal all wounds, but certainly time and effort could make things better. ”And you are as vigilant as you choose to be. You are who you choose to be. Don’t make excuses. Just own it.”
She raises her eyebrows at him slightly. ”Well if you keep looking for reasons for it to fail, it will fail. The real question is why. Why are you looking for excuses? Hell, maybe it will, maybe it won’t. But it definitely will if you walk into it with a fucking escape plan already mapped out in your head.” Her voice has taken on that hard, but not unkind, tone of hers. It’s a voice that seems to suggest she ought to be poking you with a finger every other word, though her arms remain crossed over her chest.
Weaver nods. ”I will not force you to mingle,” she says with a slight grin. Honestly, she was often on the outskirts of parties too, though perhaps simply because she really didn’t know all that many people outside of Halo, and even here she did not have that many friends. ”Who exactly is invited to this thing? Or at least, who are you avoiding?”
Nodding at Weaver's words, Loren rubbed a palm against his thigh nervously. "I know that objectively." He sighed. "It's just hard to believe that...I don't know. That's I'm deserving of good things." Voice quiet and hesitant, he gave her an almost helpless look. Then he took a deep breath, and his expression softened. "But I am." He spoke as firmly as he could manage.
However, his expression soon turned guilty again. "Because I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet." Crossing his arms, he bit his lip. "I still...miss Abasi." He closed his eyes, trying to hold back tears that came with a fresh bout of grief. "I'm still afraid of losing more people."
Breathing heavily for a moment, he smiled sadly as she agreed not to force him to be social. Opening his eyes, he let out a huff of awkward laughter. "You, me, Sunjata, Nate, Amun, Remi, Ronin, Melita, Hotaru, and Wessex are invited. Of those, I'm avoiding everyone but you, Sunjata, and Hotaru." His tone was try.
Her lips curve into something like the smile her mother might have given. It is a small but real thing, full of life and pleasure as he at least says that he deserves good things. It is not everything, certainly, but it is one step toward progress. ”You are,” she agrees, voice kind but firm.
Her eyebrows raise slightly at the next question, her expression turning back to it’s normal Loren expression. She cannot think of any other way to describe it really, only that she seems to have a certain set of facial expressions that he alone manages to elicit. Perhaps because he is mildly impossible, and she likes him despite it (or perhaps for it, it is hard to tell). ”So then don’t be in a relationship. You have that choice.”
She reaches out a hand to rest on his arm, softening at the mention of Abasi. They were not friends, though she’d met him, and it was certainly a shame for him to die so young. ”He seemed like a good man. But you have a choice. Either you live in fear of losing people, or you live and enjoy the time you are given with them.”
She chuckles slightly as he turns the list into the people he isn’t avoiding, shaking her head. ”Perhaps you ought to try and patch a few relationships? Maybe not at the party, but someday. That is a rather long list of people to have to avoid.” Only some of them are ones she actually knows, though she at least recognizes most of the names. Still, it didn’t seem like a gathering where she’d be all that social either, so they could wallflower together as they had when they first met. It was not all that long ago, and yet, it felt like forever.
Still not quite as confident as Weaver, Loren nevertheless nodded in agreement. However, she actually managed to startle a laugh from him when she told him in no uncertain terms being in a relationship was his choice. "I suppose there's no arguing with that." He flashed her a quick, but grateful, grin.
It faded as she continued to speak. Cradling one hand in the other, he rubbed them together nervously. "I know. I'm just not...good at controlling my emotions. Or reacting in...normal ways to them, I guess you'd say." Shrugging a bit helplessly, he bit his lip.
When she advised him to mend some fences, he sighed. "I've tried. But I'll keep trying."
