Harper
I'll keep breaking my own heart with dreams
I know I'm still not what I want to be
I know I'm still not what I want to be
The blooming of appreciation for Hadama sticking firmly to his sentiment is felt keenly across the bond, and Harper takes a brief second to pause above the water and smile, full to bursting with gratitude. Thank you. That means more than you know. It is an honor to be remembered, put first, checked in on; all things Harper has not experienced much of in his life.
The channels of air grow wider, and Harper switches to a different stroke to more leisurely pull himself along, regaining his energy and filling his lungs more deeply. It doubles as a momentary distraction to his tumultuous thoughts, which tangle themselves around the question Hadama poses. I told her I want to focus more on myself right now. Frankly I will never stop loving her, or anyone I've been with - I don't think I'm capable of it. So it's not the emotions that are the problem. At least, not entirely.
But I have so often been the supportive husband, the councilman, the first guard. None of them roles I have ever resented, he clarifies, aware of how it might sound otherwise, but...I know I am capable of more. And I am also scared, he admits in the equivalent of a murmur.
Scared that if I go back to her, she will disappear again. That I will be dishonoring my relationship with Maeve by doing it too soon - Phoebe implied much the same about me moving on a year after she disappeared. I feel like I'm being ruled by their perceptions of me, sometimes. Shaking his head slightly, droplets spraying around and against the surface of the water inside the tunnel, Harper's lips twist themselves into a wry grin. Plus, she lives in the Greatwood, and I don't want to leave Torchline. That alone is problematic. Torchline is the only place in Caido that has felt like home, and he isn't ready to give it up.
The channels of air grow wider, and Harper switches to a different stroke to more leisurely pull himself along, regaining his energy and filling his lungs more deeply. It doubles as a momentary distraction to his tumultuous thoughts, which tangle themselves around the question Hadama poses. I told her I want to focus more on myself right now. Frankly I will never stop loving her, or anyone I've been with - I don't think I'm capable of it. So it's not the emotions that are the problem. At least, not entirely.
But I have so often been the supportive husband, the councilman, the first guard. None of them roles I have ever resented, he clarifies, aware of how it might sound otherwise, but...I know I am capable of more. And I am also scared, he admits in the equivalent of a murmur.
Scared that if I go back to her, she will disappear again. That I will be dishonoring my relationship with Maeve by doing it too soon - Phoebe implied much the same about me moving on a year after she disappeared. I feel like I'm being ruled by their perceptions of me, sometimes. Shaking his head slightly, droplets spraying around and against the surface of the water inside the tunnel, Harper's lips twist themselves into a wry grin. Plus, she lives in the Greatwood, and I don't want to leave Torchline. That alone is problematic. Torchline is the only place in Caido that has felt like home, and he isn't ready to give it up.
But what more do you want from me?
