Some people crash two or three times and then learn from their mistakes
We are the ones who don't slow down at all
We are the ones who don't slow down at all
He may not mean to make her dwell, but as they had both thought to themselves earlier, Ru is done hiding from the painful memories. She has been trying to desensitize herself to them because numbness never lasts and she wants to remember the good and the bad equally. It’s not the memories of them that hurt. Not anymore. Not even the ones of her interrogation, or Sunjata’s revelation about his daughter-to-be. Nothing hurts her worse than the seemingly endless material of every night she’d spent in a too-cold bed in Halo, still waking up disoriented and reaching for bodies beside her only to find empty sheets.
Maybe that’s where they truly differ - Ru’s agony comes from her loneliness, and his from her actions. It’s why she has always seen her own lingering emotions for him as stronger and more of a threat. Something to conceal and repress so as not to cause him more pain. His friendship is all she can hope for, and that at least is still a worthwhile reward.
The callouses on his hand are rough and familiar as his hand lays overtop hers, and she must be deep into her head because it makes her jump to suddenly be touched. She settles immediately, and this time it’s her own mask that slides into place as she gives him a small smile. “Of course. Maybe I can make an example of my room at the inn for you to examine? I can have it ready by tomorrow.” It’s easier to compartmentalize this way; focus on a task, an exchange of goods and services instead of dark and painful things she has shared with no one. Not Tal, not Deimos, not Sah or Alys or - well, those are the only people she has, and she has only just reunited with Sunjata here and now. Perhaps Tal wonders, with how often she quietly asks him to sleep with her when he stays for dinner, but he has always respected her enough not to ask.
Maybe that’s where they truly differ - Ru’s agony comes from her loneliness, and his from her actions. It’s why she has always seen her own lingering emotions for him as stronger and more of a threat. Something to conceal and repress so as not to cause him more pain. His friendship is all she can hope for, and that at least is still a worthwhile reward.
The callouses on his hand are rough and familiar as his hand lays overtop hers, and she must be deep into her head because it makes her jump to suddenly be touched. She settles immediately, and this time it’s her own mask that slides into place as she gives him a small smile. “Of course. Maybe I can make an example of my room at the inn for you to examine? I can have it ready by tomorrow.” It’s easier to compartmentalize this way; focus on a task, an exchange of goods and services instead of dark and painful things she has shared with no one. Not Tal, not Deimos, not Sah or Alys or - well, those are the only people she has, and she has only just reunited with Sunjata here and now. Perhaps Tal wonders, with how often she quietly asks him to sleep with her when he stays for dinner, but he has always respected her enough not to ask.
And there's nobody there to catch us when we fall
HOTARU
