There's still life in the Armageddon

Evie

I dreamt in the sound of your voice

and bathed in the color of your love

Evie bears the tide of Maea's sudden outburst like stone against the tide, placid expression making it clear she's listening but keeping her own emotions in check. Whether it's out of deference or more healing than Maea has done - is perhaps even capable of - is unclear.

"I 'moved on' because I made myself heal that wound. With years in isolation, focusing on myself." She resents the idea that it came easily, or that she was somehow immune to the effects of their childhood and Maea - poor, fragile Maea - is still suffering. That old flame of irritation licks at her chest, but she extinguishes it with a sigh.

"What do you want out of this, Maea? For me to explain why I did it? That I lied about my magic because my parents threatened me day in and out, that my safety and livelihood depended on lying to everyone around me, because if I was kicked out I didn't have a devoted goddess to help me the way Sam did?" No god would have ever heeded her call, and for all Sam fought against the Voice, at least he hadn't needed to think about food, shelter, or other human needs that could so quickly end a life in the Grounds. "I despised you for your bravery. For having a family that loved and cared for you, even when you were ill and fragile, while mine held nothing but disdain for me while actively profiting off my tainted magical talents." Her apothecary had done much for the Grounds in their isolation, but her healing magic - unknown, and without ever obtaining consent from her patients - had done even more to uphold the ancient Wordsworth name.

"I can't tell you how to get over it. I got over it by realizing we were just children. Children doing our damnedest to survive, no matter the cost, in a situation no child should ever be in. I can't fault any of us for what we did to make it out alive." Especially not now, when she has a child of her own to project those experiences onto, to flinch away in horror at the idea of them going through all she and Maea had. It had been deeply wrong and unfair, and Evie had forgiven their various sins because of it. "I can apologize endlessly if you think that would help. I can avoid you, if you like. But at the end of the day, Maea, I was suffering too - and nobody cared. Least of all you. I had to find the rest within." Clearly, since Maea still blames her for things even now, which Evie finds unfair. The people Evie deserves apologies from are dead and in the ground, uncaring of things like closure and penance. She had grown past that, so why couldn't Maea?

And The most beautiful thought
Is the fact that I have always loved you