He might not deserve it, but he could feel her affection and support through the Attuned bond. There was no lie in it, no way to pretend to himself that it wasn't true, and even though he might have thought himself unworthy he also could not deny that it wrapped around and comforted him, even as he felt guilty for that comfort.
He was too surprised to protest when she scooped him into her lap, Isuma shifting over so she could cuddle against him as Amalia settled him into place. There was a warmth and a safety in being held when he was so small that had nothing to do with the heat of their bodies, and everything to do with the love in their hearts as the baker, the gryphon, and the starwhale held him close and refused to let him fall into the darkness any longer.
No, of course not, he protested faintly, avoiding her eyes. The opposite of that. I think your heart is big enough and strong enough to love many others... even if they're not... if they haven't... But his argument sounded weaker, certainty crumbling under the reminder that both she and Rory had found him worthy of love, and he trusted them even when he didn't trust himself. I think you are stronger and braver than I am, he said instead, softly. To love so much in spite of how much it can hurt.
When she set him down he curled into her lap instead of crawling away. Perhaps it was Jyoti's influence, or her patience, or Isuma's support. Most likely it was all three that had begun to wear away at the walls of his despair and reach past the jagged edges of his self-imposed misery, but he longer denied that he needed them, even if he still didn't feel as though he was deserving of the kindness and affection they showed him.
Of course not, he repeated, exhaling a small, foxy sigh. The heart will love who it chooses. Love isn't wrong... And there was the catch, wasn't it? If Deimos had lived a life as fraught with strife and shadows as his own, how could he extend compassion and another chance to the warrior and not to himself? Ah, but Deimos hadn't failed Amalia or the people of the Hollowed Grounds, had he? But even if the sins of my past world are not... even if they don't change your feelings for me, still I have failed you on this world. The judgment of a goddess... to have failed to move her heart... I do not know what I should do now, he admitted, sad and weary and lost in a night without stars.
He was too surprised to protest when she scooped him into her lap, Isuma shifting over so she could cuddle against him as Amalia settled him into place. There was a warmth and a safety in being held when he was so small that had nothing to do with the heat of their bodies, and everything to do with the love in their hearts as the baker, the gryphon, and the starwhale held him close and refused to let him fall into the darkness any longer.
No, of course not, he protested faintly, avoiding her eyes. The opposite of that. I think your heart is big enough and strong enough to love many others... even if they're not... if they haven't... But his argument sounded weaker, certainty crumbling under the reminder that both she and Rory had found him worthy of love, and he trusted them even when he didn't trust himself. I think you are stronger and braver than I am, he said instead, softly. To love so much in spite of how much it can hurt.
When she set him down he curled into her lap instead of crawling away. Perhaps it was Jyoti's influence, or her patience, or Isuma's support. Most likely it was all three that had begun to wear away at the walls of his despair and reach past the jagged edges of his self-imposed misery, but he longer denied that he needed them, even if he still didn't feel as though he was deserving of the kindness and affection they showed him.
Of course not, he repeated, exhaling a small, foxy sigh. The heart will love who it chooses. Love isn't wrong... And there was the catch, wasn't it? If Deimos had lived a life as fraught with strife and shadows as his own, how could he extend compassion and another chance to the warrior and not to himself? Ah, but Deimos hadn't failed Amalia or the people of the Hollowed Grounds, had he? But even if the sins of my past world are not... even if they don't change your feelings for me, still I have failed you on this world. The judgment of a goddess... to have failed to move her heart... I do not know what I should do now, he admitted, sad and weary and lost in a night without stars.
