While the man who spoke up after Loren didn’t really acknowledge what the Launceleyn said, the woman who followed up after the tall warrior man certainly did. She was also a tall warrior type, and carried command with her like a cloak. The librarian was inordinately pleased that she agreed with his suggestion; after the first man had brushed him off, Loren had been worried everyone thought it was a terrible idea. Feeling slightly more confident, the Launceleyn lifted his head to watch her as she continued speaking.
She had a lot to say, all of it quite useful. Although Loren still wasn’t sure what, exactly, a luxere was—he made a note to look it up later—it definitely sounded as if the librarian was suited for coaxing the herd closer, strange as that might sound. But, despite his other failings, Loren’s magic was light and his hands were free of blood.
No, he caused harm of another sort altogether.
As for taking stock of their resources, well, what Loren needed most right now was more information. He had an inkling that he might be useful on one of those teams they were speaking of; however, there was an equally strong possibility he might be needed more at the manor. But if they required magical light, Loren could definitely supply that. He just didn’t know if any magical light would do or only light from specific sources. Knowing the answer to that question seemed pretty crucial. So, loathe as he was to draw attention to himself again, he opened his mouth to speak.
Before he could, though, Remi began to talk, and tension struck Loren like a sword. His whole being seemed attuned to the alchemist, and every syllable out of the other man’s mouth echoed loudly in the Launceleyn’s ears.
Then Remi spoke to Loren directly and the cacophony in the summoner’s mind got a whole lot worse. The librarian listened silently, intently, to the alchemist’s words, searching them for any sign of...anything. Warmth. Disgust. Anger. Even just a hint of recognition. But there was nothing: it was as if Loren was a total stranger to the Attuned. There was just a brief comment about some fucking magical locks in the manor, before the alchemist moved on. Not even agreeing that having people stay at the manor was a good idea. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Something within Loren broke, the dam he used to hold back the tide of emotions that threatened to swamp him every day. Tears sprang to his eyes, and he turned his back to the meeting and closed them, letting the sounds drift over him as he focused on his breathing. Long, long ago, in his all too vividly remembered childhood, when he was locked in a cell of stone and sorcery for his constant failure, flayed with fire both illusory and real for every single one of his many mistakes, mocked and bullied for being weak in body and mind and magic, and punished worse if he cried out even once, he’d learned how to stem tears, no matter the source of sorrow, no matter how deep the wound. So, though this cut him to his core, he drew upon that training now, the Launceleyn way. The only good thing he ever really got from his family.
And when he opened his eyes they were dry and his emotions were gone. If he was going to get nothing, he’d give nothing in return.
Turning back to the meeting, Loren held his head up this time. He’d missed the rest of what Remi had mentioned, but that didn’t seem that important right now. The librarian was just in time to catch an unfamiliar woman with brilliant red hair volunteer to help feed the luxere. “I can help with that as well. My magic is light and my hands are clean.” The Launceleyn’s voice came out in a dull monotone, but at least he was speaking clearly now and any trace of uncertainty was gone, along with every other emotion.
Turning to the tall blonde warrior woman, Loren continued speaking. “It sounds like we’re all in agreement that the manor is a good place to keep people.” At the very least, he hadn’t heard anyone suggest an alternative. “If that’s the case, I can make sure we’re prepared to host a large group for an extended stay.” Pausing slightly, the Launceleyn glanced at the rest of the group. “Are we sure that sealing people in, magically or otherwise, is the best idea, though? In my experience, locking people in just encourages them to break out.” At least, Loren, caged behind the walls and bars of the Launceleyn compound had always yearned to be free.
While the librarian wanted to ask Remi about the magical locks—Loren had been surprised to hear about those, but then again, he hadn’t actually seen much of the manor since his return—the Launceleyn worried that his tenuous grip on his emotions would falter if he looked at the other man. Loren was quick to quash that particular train of thought, clinging more tightly to the control offered by his training. He’d been a duke as well as a Launceleyn, and he drew on that now to straighten his posture and add authority to his word and bearing. “Apologies if this is an ignorant question, but does it matter what the source of the magical light is? I can summon pretty much any mythical being, so long as I’m provided a description, but I don’t know if the monsters will only be driven away by the light of a luxere or the Spark Bird.” Again, Loren was shocked there was an apparently magical creature he hadn’t heard of (though it was like he’d had a chance to study up on Caido’s fauna or myths), but he’d find out what the bird was later. “Either way, I’d be happy to serve, either on one of the teams or in holding down the fort at the manor, whichever you all think is most useful.”
If he’d caught the discussion of running tests, he would have offered his assistance there as well. Or maybe not: spending too much time in Remi’s presence might simply be too painful for Loren. Besides, it sounded as if he might have a lot to do already, and given how he was vastly ignorant of the situation, it might be too much of a hassle to bring him up to speed. Regardless, it was a moot point, as the librarian hadn’t heard. It was probably for the best.
As was the choice to stop feeling. LOREN Brought back by satisfaction more times than the cat
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