we can't make any promises now

Only absolute necessity would’ve brought Loren to Remi's doorstep. Not because the librarian didn’t want to see the alchemist. No, it was exactly the opposite: Loren wanted to see the other man so badly it was all he could do not to run to the Attuned’s workshop. But as strong as that desire was, it was trumped by an even stronger dread. Remi had every reason to hate the Launceleyn, after everything the librarian had put the other man through. And after Loren’s less than stellar reunion with Ronin, the summoner had even more reason to fear. Unfortunately, Loren had always been fate’s bitch, and said fates had absolutely given the librarian a reason to seek out his old friend and lover. After the alchemist had mentioned the magically sealed and locked doors at the manor, the summoner had sought them out and, lo and behold, there were doors that, try as he might, he could not open. Seeing as there was no telling what Zariah or Edy might have kept back there—and seeing as Loren had agreed to let the manor be used as a gathering place for LongNight—Loren knew he needed to get inside those rooms sooner rather than later. Which meant Loren had to go see Remi. There was some reason to hope, however; in their encounter at the meeting the alchemist had held, the other man had hardly seemed to recognize Loren. Maybe, just maybe, the Launceleyn could get one of those keys and get out without the Attuned being the wiser. Again though, given his luck he wasn’t counting on it. It wasn’t hard to find the alchemist’s workshop: Remi was unsurprisingly quite popular among the people of the Hollowed Grounds, and everyone he’d asked was able to give the summoner directions. No, what was hard was actually forcing himself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Once upon a time, in another world, another life, Loren had promised the other man the world. He’d allowed himself to dream with Remi, and they’d talked about the workshop they’d build together. How it would contain everything they needed, including their life together. And then Loren had crumbled under the pressure and thrown away what might have been his last chance at happiness. Well, he had too many regrets to count, but he couldn’t begrudge the alchemist having built a life without the Launceleyn. That didn’t make it any easier to be on the outside, seeing what he could’ve had tantalizingly just out of reach. While he honestly wanted Remi and Ronin to be happy, it was too hard to face them without some sort of protection. So Loren did what he always did, and retreated behind his walls, into the shell built by a lifetime of torture and training, of spycraft and ducal manners. It was a complicated balance, one he sometimes failed to keep, and when it fell it was usually followed by unimaginable pain. But when it worked, it kept him from feeling too deeply, and better yet, from showing his emotions. He’d spent a long time meditating that morning just to make his mask easier to maintain. Loren prayed to any god that would listen for it to be enough. But he was Abandoned, and he doubted they’d answer his call. Eventually, he came to the other man’s door. Loren took a deep breath, wrapping another bar of steel around his soul. Then he knocked, bracing himself for the worst. LOREN Not quite an open book