we can't make any promises now

Oh. There should have been a flood of emotions, and perhaps if there was, it would all have been easier. Instead, the hollowness imposed by Frey and Ludo's intervention in his life opened up not like a chasm, but like a cavern through which second-hand memories lingered like ghosts. You are the man I loved first... And then ..and you left me. Hopefully Loren did not expect a reaction right away because he'd not get one. Instead, the alchemist's shattered eyes roamed the topography of the Launceleyn's face anew, as if looking hard enough might yet spark something. Indeed there had been a time when the alchemist was sure that merely seeing Loren again would be enough to break a curse. Only that experiment had never manifest, for the librarian had never come back. Only he was here now, but too late. Now Remi merely stared at the face wondering what it was he had so loved about it that had made the alchemist endure heartbreak for all the months thereafter until his memories were torn entirely away. But what was there to say now? I thought of you every day, looked for you always? You were all I had ever wanted, but I was told how badly you treated me? Or perhaps instead, you're like a ghost who can never be sent away, because you were never there in the first place? Do you know what it is to have nightmares about things of which you can't recall? Stupidly, but perhaps not surprisingly, the alchemist's first reaction was to smile faintly. A nervous and boyish smile to be sure, but kindness was ever Remi's go-to. Feathers appeared in his curls as a hollow sort of anxiety spread down his spine, melding to ice as it lowered down towards his knees. Immediately his eyes lowered as he looked away, somewhere off to the side of Loren's shoulder as a roller coaster of subtle shifts took hold of his expression as Remi tried to find a place to begin. "Oh." He managed at last, not unlike Ronin. "Hello." REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences