LUSEA
i could recognize him by touch alone, by smell
i would know him blind,
Gods, what a stupid answer. It just happened, as though this sort of thing can just happen, as though it doesn't take two to tango and there aren't a series of choices leading up to it. Blight, panic, tonics, confessions. His collar is still in my hand, and I could bite him if I wanted, or kiss him, or shake him- something, anything, to wake him the fuck up from whatever stupor he's fallen into in this place.
Then he laughs, the brat, and promises he loves me, and fuck but I want to believe him. It hurts so much, not knowing if it's real- if the only thing I still had faith in is just as fragile as anything else. I shove him back as he reaches for my shoulders, throwing him onto the blanket and hovering dangerously over him, as though I can't decide if I should punch him or not. "Fuck you, Sunjata," I hiss in a furious whisper, teeth bared and expression agonized. One fist flies, landing hard, just to the right of his head. "How dare you." How dare he say he loves me, how dare he apologize, how dare he change when I'm still the same.
The thing is, I'm scared. I'm scared of this new Sunjata, and this new world, and I'm scared I don't have a place in it. "Why did you go to her, if you were sick? Why not tell me?" I could have helped. I would have helped. I would have done anything.
And I would never have fucked someone else's man while doing it.
Then he laughs, the brat, and promises he loves me, and fuck but I want to believe him. It hurts so much, not knowing if it's real- if the only thing I still had faith in is just as fragile as anything else. I shove him back as he reaches for my shoulders, throwing him onto the blanket and hovering dangerously over him, as though I can't decide if I should punch him or not. "Fuck you, Sunjata," I hiss in a furious whisper, teeth bared and expression agonized. One fist flies, landing hard, just to the right of his head. "How dare you." How dare he say he loves me, how dare he apologize, how dare he change when I'm still the same.
The thing is, I'm scared. I'm scared of this new Sunjata, and this new world, and I'm scared I don't have a place in it. "Why did you go to her, if you were sick? Why not tell me?" I could have helped. I would have helped. I would have done anything.
And I would never have fucked someone else's man while doing it.
i would know him in death,
at the end of the world
SUNJATA
