Gratitude

Frey's words cut through the internal self-hate Phoebe was feeling like a hot knife through butter. She stared at the god, golden-brown eyes wide with surprise. Boring? She was boring? Phoebe thought a lot of things about herself but boring wasn't one of them. She worried her lower lip, gripping her tea cup just a little tighter. The tiniest pinprick of irritation tickled the back of her mind. But boring was a matter of perspective. Frey might know whatever they wanted about her, but they only knew what they looked for. They didn't know all about her. Not yet anyways. Or so she thought. She could be wrong and knew that too. The god related the topic to her work and her expression went from shock to contemplative. It was very true - she did know in a sense that sex was actually very helpful for lots of things when done properly, where it was enjoyable for those involved. It could relieve aches and pains, it could aid in inducing and reducing paind during childbirth, and it was incredibly important in maintaining connection between a couple; and a well connected couple made for a better family unit which was what she tried to help promote in her work. She couldn't count the number of times she asked her patients that were having issues with their husbands during their pregnancy when the last time they had been intimate was. Phoebe could also agree that one's personality and one's sexlife weren't necessarily one and the same (even if Frey's way of wording that was a bit mean). But it made her wonder a bit...would hers be vanilla and boring like this god thought? She truly didn't know. She had no clue in this world or any other. There was literally nothing for her to go on to know. And was that really so bad? Yes. Yes it was. She wanted a husband and children. This topic was literally necessary if she was going to have either. The god assumed she wouldn't like the curse word - and she didn't - but the phrase itself, the meaning, made her giggle. Yes, friends. Phoebe laughed when Frey said she could use a good fuck. "I'm sorry." She said trying to stifle the giggle, though it wasn't really an apology. It was more of a knee-jerk phrase for her. Some people said 'like' between every word. Phoebe apologized a lot. "But my teacher always told me that. 'Phoebe, you can't call yourself a master midwife if you haven't had an orgasm that makes you forget what day of the week it is! You don't know what you are recommending!'" She said, wagging her finger at herself like the older midwife at done to her near daily once she had come of age at 16. Phoebe managed to get ahold of her giggles. She had a feeling her old teacher and Frey would've had a grand time heckling her about her very absent sex life. Then Frey was back to the insulting truth. She did blush at the compliments they started with. Not very many people complimented her looks. But the good feeling from getting the compliment was quickly replaced with that hint of irritatjon again. Stuck up about sex. No that wasn't...it wasn't exactly right. She just....she was....well she couldn't help that very stingy morals had been beat into her brain! 'What man wants a slut for a wife' she had heard on more than one occassion in finishing school. But if she was being honest with herself, she didn't put herself out there. That was completely true. The longer she went on like that the more...scared she became. It made the build up worse. What if's were very powerful in an overthinker's brain. But the god seemed intent on shocking her into understanding. I don't take the unwilling. Again she stared wide-eyed for a moment, realization dawning over her. The god might think her stupid but she was actually quite clever when she had a bit to go on. Frey wasn't a god of mindless sex. Frey was more...a god of pleasure. But not just pleasure for one, pleasure for all, so force or coercion wouldn't fall in line. Phoebe had never really been in danger with Celosia because if she had been forceful it would have been contrary to Frey, it would not have honored what the god represented. She probably wasn't wholly right, but she thought she was much closer to the truth than she had been before. In an instant, with that single bit of knowledge, the majority of her fear dissipated. Not all, Frey was still incredibly powerful and she respected that - which came with a healthy dose of fear. But so long as she learned and respected, it seemed the god had just enough patience to leave her in one piece. Then the challenge. Frey didn't think she was ready, but made an offer that she could prove them wrong. Phoebe paused, considering the meaning. She was a thinker, not prone to a rash decision. She wanted a family of her own. A husband and children. That meant somewhere, some part of her was ready, right? Yes. You want love and passion and share that side of you with someone who will return it. You're tired of being lonely, Phoebe. "Alright. I will. I will prove you wrong." she said, the slightest tremble in her voice. But something in her shifted. She was a Steadman, and all Steadman's had steel in their spines. Her's was just surrounded by a lot of kind, fluffy, lightness. "It might take a try or two but I will prove you wrong. And I will correct anyone who think or speak falsely of you while I am at it." she said, determination now coming through as she spoke. She would prove she was more than a nervous, shy girl. She would prove she could be and was more than that. Phoebe In a gentle way, you can shake the world