HOTARU
His surprise only further breaks her heart, and she can't help the shuddering exhale that leaves her, both astonished at his response and aching for the way he shoulders the blame. "The time that has passed doesn't diminish the wrongness." Her voice is firm, unrelenting. It was Lusea's decision to forgive and move on, to reconcile after his mistake. But the actions that had led to it are still unforgivable to Hotaru, and she will not budge there, the fire in her eyes smoldering. He pleads for her not to be angry, and for a moment she nearly snaps because how can she not? But his touch gentles her as he tucks her long golden hair behind her ear, and her jaw pulses beneath her grit teeth as she reigns it in. "I can't. I can't not be angry, you did not bring it on yourself or ask for it. Yes, you should have left. You aren't without fault - but you aren't to blame." She cups his cheek, forces him to stare into her eyes, her own gaze flickering desperately. Needing him to understand, to believe her, to see past years of taking fault on his shoulders and see that he is largely innocent. "Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes do not include intentional manipulation, coercion, and guilt-tripping. Mistakes don't include further removing someone's ability to consent, ignoring emotional signals of weakness and confusion when in a position of power, or using sex as a way to ruin a relationship. Especially if she claims to still care for you in any way!" She is almost frantic, barely keeping a lid on the tumultuous emotions waging for dominance in her breast. The beat of her heart and quickening of her breaths is display enough that she can't control. "If I had been given a drink to loosen me up, to stop fighting him so hard when he came for me, would it have been consensual? If he kidnapped and raped me to ruin my relationship with Thranduil, would that have been okay?" It feels wrong to compare their traumas, but Hotaru needs him to relieve himself of this blame, this guilt.
She falls into him like a marionette with its strings cut, shaking in his embrace. Hotaru hates herself for not being strong for him in this moment, to be more emotionally impacted than him when he was the one who suffered. "You owe her nothing. The child you could have had never came to exist, and she is free to find another partner to try with. You...I..." her words break apart, hands coming to cling to his shirt, wanting to scream with the intensity of the fury that swells inside her.
I am a breathtaking mosaic
of all the battles I've won
of all the battles I've won
