Counting thoughts

M  A   E    A I talked to God to no avail Said, "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time." Ah. Right. There they were again... all the reasons why Maea had such trouble with Amalia. Ever the humble, selfless sacrificer, so ready to put her own happiness to the torch for the sake of everyone, for the world, as though she actually thought herself able of accomplishing such things. The barb soured Maea's stomach and she felt the sweetness of the bun like a nauseating layer over her tongue. As always, she felt the selfish one. Who wouldn't bring her family back to life for her own selfish reasons. Who didn't even strive for perfection even if it was unattainable, whereas Amalia... oh, even the way she denied being enough implied that she ought to be better. Better than whom, exactly? What kind of high, lofty standard was she measuring herself against? Because the only one Maea had ever tried to mimic was lying here in a bed with legs that wouldn't move... and all she felt when looking down on her was a faint sense of disappointment in herself. What had she even been doing, all these years? "Worth it?" she repeated slowly, throat burning as acid bubbled in the gut. "Of course it's not worth it. You really think I would trade Noah away for any of this? But nothing is going to reset time, so why spend time pretending it might happen? "I'm trying to move on, Amalia. Wallowing in self pity and despair got tedious rather quick... I'm sick of it. I'm sure you'll know all about the feeling, if you keep up like this."