A spoonful of sugar

She's imperfect, but she tries She is good, but she lies She is hard on herself She is broken and won't ask for help "My grandmother was proud of me," she counters swiftly, voice terse. That seems like such a long time ago now - a different year, a different girl, so many mistakes before. It's easier to counter his points than to accept that maybe they're a little true. "Jyoti lost her family and her freedom. The Tulmhainar died. The only reason we needed the shrine was because Safrin nearly died. And even then, she was sick for months- because I begged her to do something foolish. "And you never needed me to help gather souls," the Shield adds, her smile bland. "Just like you didn't need me in the library, or the Spire, or at LongNight, or any other time. There's nothing I've done that someone else couldn't have, and probably better." Is this what Ronin felt like, being pressed to become more than a man? Is the pressure why he broke in the end, trying to tear the world down alongside himself? She listens quietly to Jigano's explanation, sighing softly and shaking her head. He'd had a chance at peace, and the expectations of others - not the least her - had ruined that. Another fucking mistake. "I wish I'd died," Amalia says simply, staring blankly at the ceiling again. "At LongNight. Or the Temple. Or in one of the other disasters. I wish I hadn't made it out. Then maybe I'd be happy." a m a l i a She is messy, but she's kind She is lonely most of the time She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie She is gone, but she used to be mine