my held breath fills the room with blood
hurting in ways I can't describe
After everything that has passed, she'd like to say that she storms across the Bridge like a woman of fire, fearless and unhurt. A paragon of self-sufficiency and power. Instead she walks slowly, measured and hesitant at times, wondering if her mother ever felt the same way when her father hurt her, abandoned her. It's a bitter thought, but in reality she will never know. Her mother had died when she was still so young to the world, she hadn't even been crowned yet. Any advice she clings to in that moment crossing the bridge is her own, hands clenching around the letter that had summoned her here. Painful in its sincerity, just as scalding in its request. Seeing Sunjata is the last thing she wants to do, especially after her breakdown with Deimos. It had relieved her of the poison in her veins, had bled her dry and allowed her to find some kind of stability at the lowest she has fallen in some time. At first she had thought there was nowhere to go but up. Isn't that how these things usually work?
And then she gets this.
Hotaru had read over it enough times to blur her vision, to memorize every stroke of ink he'd left on the page. Even now she can't truthfully say how long she sat there, wondering if she should even go. Her thoughts had drifted like an untethered balloon from emotion to emotion. Bitter; doesn't he have another woman to occupy his time now? Heartbroken; can I face him now, knowing how I fucked up and fell too fast? Angry; how dare he ask to meet me after all he has done? It had been enough to give her whiplash, and she had slept fitfully that night. Haunted by memories of his calloused hands and devilish smile, the soft timbre of his voice as he confessed the darkest of his past to her, the gentle way he had held her when she had done the same. Morning had not brought further clarity on the matter, and yet...here she is, inevitably. Unable to leave him waiting alone, no matter how badly she wants to.
Is she prepared to hear the bullshit excuses he's sure to deliver? No, in reality she would prefer to show up and make a few snide comments of her own to make herself feel stronger, then leave before he ever gets the chance to dig his hands into the remains of her heart and pull it apart. She can almost hear Deimos in her head, softly reprimanding her for such a decision. Hotaru nearly turns back at that alone, hesitating, but then her eyes find a shape sitting on the edge of the bridge. The silence is stifling, stealing every breath from her lungs until she can only take shallow inhales, trying and failing to find the courage she needs to get this over with. But she is no woman of weakness, she has had her heart shredded by men she has loved far more than her brief interest in Sunjata. She has survived the worst of their cruelties, has walked away from them all with her head held high, and she will do so again today. No matter how much of a farce it may be.
As she approaches, she flicks her hair away from her face, impassive and imperious as it is. She does not bother to sit beside him, prefers what minor high ground she has for the moment. Clearly he has heard her approach, with the bridge so empty and the day so quiet. One brow lifts expectantly as she crosses her arms - an unintentional but soothing display of how on guard she feels - as she looks down on the pathetic looking man slumped staring over the edge of the bridge into the fog. "I'm here. What is it you wanted to say." Far from a question and more of a demand, at least she can be proud of how level her voice remains.
And then she gets this.
Hotaru had read over it enough times to blur her vision, to memorize every stroke of ink he'd left on the page. Even now she can't truthfully say how long she sat there, wondering if she should even go. Her thoughts had drifted like an untethered balloon from emotion to emotion. Bitter; doesn't he have another woman to occupy his time now? Heartbroken; can I face him now, knowing how I fucked up and fell too fast? Angry; how dare he ask to meet me after all he has done? It had been enough to give her whiplash, and she had slept fitfully that night. Haunted by memories of his calloused hands and devilish smile, the soft timbre of his voice as he confessed the darkest of his past to her, the gentle way he had held her when she had done the same. Morning had not brought further clarity on the matter, and yet...here she is, inevitably. Unable to leave him waiting alone, no matter how badly she wants to.
Is she prepared to hear the bullshit excuses he's sure to deliver? No, in reality she would prefer to show up and make a few snide comments of her own to make herself feel stronger, then leave before he ever gets the chance to dig his hands into the remains of her heart and pull it apart. She can almost hear Deimos in her head, softly reprimanding her for such a decision. Hotaru nearly turns back at that alone, hesitating, but then her eyes find a shape sitting on the edge of the bridge. The silence is stifling, stealing every breath from her lungs until she can only take shallow inhales, trying and failing to find the courage she needs to get this over with. But she is no woman of weakness, she has had her heart shredded by men she has loved far more than her brief interest in Sunjata. She has survived the worst of their cruelties, has walked away from them all with her head held high, and she will do so again today. No matter how much of a farce it may be.
As she approaches, she flicks her hair away from her face, impassive and imperious as it is. She does not bother to sit beside him, prefers what minor high ground she has for the moment. Clearly he has heard her approach, with the bridge so empty and the day so quiet. One brow lifts expectantly as she crosses her arms - an unintentional but soothing display of how on guard she feels - as she looks down on the pathetic looking man slumped staring over the edge of the bridge into the fog. "I'm here. What is it you wanted to say." Far from a question and more of a demand, at least she can be proud of how level her voice remains.
my heart bends and breaks
so many, many times
HOTARU
