Don't paint wonderful lies on me that wash away
It was clear from her expression that she did not think of herself as a mage. The magic might be a part of her, but she had never tried to accept it before, or felt any true connection to it. On the contrary; until recently she had actively suppressed it, refrained from using it, and so whatever gifts lay dormant within her had stayed there.
Until now. Until loss forced her to adapt to new situations and people began to encourage her to grow. People like Jigano, and Sunjata. Pick your battles, the Flood had told her, and this one against her own nature was one she couldn't seem to win.
"I... know that there are others who might train me," she nodded, gaze dropping to her hands. "I spoke to Loren, not too long ago. Asked him to help me get some control over the ice... and he agreed. Said he would continue to train me if I wished, whether I joined the Academy or not. And Deimos... if he keeps hosting classes, I will be happy to attend them.
"It's just..."
Chewing on the words for a moment, she breathed to try and ease off a sense of claustrophobia that threatened to settle over her. For all that Jigano was speaking calmly and with kindness, it was plain to her that the ultimatum still stood. He wouldn't change his mind on it, and she had no more arguments to sway him with. So all that was left was the truth. Plain and stark and ugly.
"I just.. feel so trapped here, Jigano. Not in the guild, not with this work, but in the Hollow Ground. I keep thinking that it's all a dream, that I'll wake up one day and find the barrier has come back. That it never lifted in the first place, and all I'll ever do with the rest of my life is repeat the same old patterns as before. Unable to move, or change."
Swallowing hard, fighting a prickling sensation spreading through her jaw as her voice grew unsteady, Maea sought to look at the bard again, quiet frustration burning in her eyes. In the end, it wasn't even about the Academy, even though it irked her to be held back from it, to have to give up this place she loved for something she felt had to be done.
"I feel like I have to move, leave, go somewhere, anywhere other than here. Like there's something I'm supposed to do, only I have no idea what it is."
Until now. Until loss forced her to adapt to new situations and people began to encourage her to grow. People like Jigano, and Sunjata. Pick your battles, the Flood had told her, and this one against her own nature was one she couldn't seem to win.
"I... know that there are others who might train me," she nodded, gaze dropping to her hands. "I spoke to Loren, not too long ago. Asked him to help me get some control over the ice... and he agreed. Said he would continue to train me if I wished, whether I joined the Academy or not. And Deimos... if he keeps hosting classes, I will be happy to attend them.
"It's just..."
Chewing on the words for a moment, she breathed to try and ease off a sense of claustrophobia that threatened to settle over her. For all that Jigano was speaking calmly and with kindness, it was plain to her that the ultimatum still stood. He wouldn't change his mind on it, and she had no more arguments to sway him with. So all that was left was the truth. Plain and stark and ugly.
"I just.. feel so trapped here, Jigano. Not in the guild, not with this work, but in the Hollow Ground. I keep thinking that it's all a dream, that I'll wake up one day and find the barrier has come back. That it never lifted in the first place, and all I'll ever do with the rest of my life is repeat the same old patterns as before. Unable to move, or change."
Swallowing hard, fighting a prickling sensation spreading through her jaw as her voice grew unsteady, Maea sought to look at the bard again, quiet frustration burning in her eyes. In the end, it wasn't even about the Academy, even though it irked her to be held back from it, to have to give up this place she loved for something she felt had to be done.
"I feel like I have to move, leave, go somewhere, anywhere other than here. Like there's something I'm supposed to do, only I have no idea what it is."
