You've been all the way to broken
lost your sense of where to go
He shakes his head, hand aching as he tries not to clasp it tight. Harper hates his predisposition towards anger, hates giving into his trauma and PTSD. But every day it feels closer to the surface. Every day he wonders if it might just be easier to let go, to let that numbing haze of red take over as his captors had taught him to. But he won't, not when he knows that it will place Kiada at risk. And though she's more than capable of defending herself, of subduing him, the mere idea is enough to keep him from total capitulation.
"It both does and doesn't. It's an unfairness that I can't let go. A hate that I can't help but feel for The Voice. She has robbed me, robbed us, of everything." His free hand comes to cover his face, fingertips pressing hard into skin wherever they land. Ashamed of the words he knows he can't stop from falling off his lips. "At least you have family, Kiada. Mine, if they weren't already dead to begin with, have next to no chance of ending up somehwere like this." And a dark, awful part of him that he refuses to acknowledge hates and envies her for that.
As she approaches, Harper tenses and then immediately relaxes. Unable to help the instinctive response to her closeness. His hand grasps at hers like a lifeline, clinging tight as tears burn unfairly in his covered eyes. Only emerging when his breathing has settled and her words have sunk deep, looking to her for guidance. "It was so much easier, before. I don't...I don't know where to start. Everything is a mess. Phoebe wants to be with me, but I promised...I promised Tova I would never know ankoher, that we would meet on the other side. I already denied Oliver for the same reason. I don't know how to let go of her, how to...to feel that way again without betraying her." Perhaps not what she'd meant when recommending he finds something that makes him happy, but Harper desperately needs her input and advice.
"It both does and doesn't. It's an unfairness that I can't let go. A hate that I can't help but feel for The Voice. She has robbed me, robbed us, of everything." His free hand comes to cover his face, fingertips pressing hard into skin wherever they land. Ashamed of the words he knows he can't stop from falling off his lips. "At least you have family, Kiada. Mine, if they weren't already dead to begin with, have next to no chance of ending up somehwere like this." And a dark, awful part of him that he refuses to acknowledge hates and envies her for that.
As she approaches, Harper tenses and then immediately relaxes. Unable to help the instinctive response to her closeness. His hand grasps at hers like a lifeline, clinging tight as tears burn unfairly in his covered eyes. Only emerging when his breathing has settled and her words have sunk deep, looking to her for guidance. "It was so much easier, before. I don't...I don't know where to start. Everything is a mess. Phoebe wants to be with me, but I promised...I promised Tova I would never know ankoher, that we would meet on the other side. I already denied Oliver for the same reason. I don't know how to let go of her, how to...to feel that way again without betraying her." Perhaps not what she'd meant when recommending he finds something that makes him happy, but Harper desperately needs her input and advice.
remember, pain is just an anchor
that you never had control of
HARPER
