it comes with a price

MELITA

There were other memories she would never have thought to barter away: hours spent drifting in amongst wildflowers with her sister, laughing and playing and cajoling, pretending to be amidst the bumblebees as Clementine sang her beatific songs. Images of her mother in the herb garden, striving to name the plants, give her daughters knowledge that unfortunately went in one ear and out the other with the fiery child. Pretending to be a sea monster in the Throat’s oasis, goofy and silly and strong before she ever understood, ever knew, what it meant to be a fiend. There were more and more and more; but the one she’d handed over had been something embedded in horror, not meant to be relived. She hadn’t wanted it anymore. It wasn’t her gentle mother, but a figment of horror, an impossible rendering and irreverent chord of everything she’d ever been.

She could feel Nate trying to coax her out of the depths, and a part of her had sunken herself so deep in the fathoms that her stubborn tenacity ensured her feet were rooted and planted into its dunes. The words though gave her pause, allowed for a snippet of clarity not mired in rage or petulance. Had Ludo done this? She’d trusted the herald, always had, despite every warning proffered and extended her way. Nothing awful had ever happened to her. Even when the rags had insinuated one of the Ascended should’ve been murdered, she hadn’t swayed from it, understanding the need, the will, of vengeance and contempt, had been assured that Mort had seen it punished.

Except now she was suffering under the predilections of her own impetuousness, and the words Ludo hadn’t said, called back to the onslaught, the torture, the terror, she’d hoped to be free of.

His hand was on her shoulder and she didn’t shy away this time, merely lowered her gaze to the sand between her toes and released a heavy, heavy breath. “Maybe.” If it lasted for too long, if it kept going on and on and on, she’d never be able to sleep, to rest comfortably, to find some semblance of peace in an assault that should’ve been gone eons before. “It was a figment of ghosts, from the Rift.” She shrugged, lifting her stare back up, along waves and surf, couldn’t look at him for the time being. “My mother’s. I didn’t want it to taint her memory anymore.”

You're all gonna watch me
Disappear into the sun