KORBIN
And my hands are not clean,
maybe they never will be
maybe they never will be
He much preferred it when they could actually argue. Clashing wills and fists until he inevitably ended up with his back on the ground and enough bruises to feel contrite. At least that way he could apologize. This silence was slowly killing him though. It left him too alone with his own thoughts, too trapped in a bad headspace with no escape. And the mental contact through the Attuned bond was too close, too intimate. It showed off too many things about himself to people he didn't want to have that close. It was one thing to open up to someone he loved and trusted; another to let people in when the only thing between them were the inability to truly get rid of the other. It was... humiliating. Exposing, on a soul deep level.
As he held the blade of the knife between both hands and worked it over the hide to scrape off the coarse fur, Korbin wished he knew how to break out of this vicious circle he had found himself in. Out of fear of the pain losing people brought, he pushed them away and closed himself in solitude. To protect himself, and thus his sister, he told himself. Yet as he pushed away others, so too did the distances between them increase... and that only made the fear grow.
In theory it was simple. Just let them in. Let them wreak havoc upon his soul, come and go, do whatever if it meant she would smile at him like she used to. Without that lingering shadow of worry in her eyes, that always made his gut wrench with guilt. In theory it wasn't difficult at all to let go and throw himself headlong into the new, the unknown...
In theory.
Yet he struggled even to remain civil with people these days. Always in edge, ready to snap and snarl, lash out whenever the fog of indifference let up. Always in guard against anything that would make him feel too deeply.
Korbin sighed.
"Loren offered me a job. As assistant. I said yes."
His rusty voice cut through the stillness - not that he could hear it being sliced to ribbons - and looked up. To see how she would respond.
As he held the blade of the knife between both hands and worked it over the hide to scrape off the coarse fur, Korbin wished he knew how to break out of this vicious circle he had found himself in. Out of fear of the pain losing people brought, he pushed them away and closed himself in solitude. To protect himself, and thus his sister, he told himself. Yet as he pushed away others, so too did the distances between them increase... and that only made the fear grow.
In theory it was simple. Just let them in. Let them wreak havoc upon his soul, come and go, do whatever if it meant she would smile at him like she used to. Without that lingering shadow of worry in her eyes, that always made his gut wrench with guilt. In theory it wasn't difficult at all to let go and throw himself headlong into the new, the unknown...
In theory.
Yet he struggled even to remain civil with people these days. Always in edge, ready to snap and snarl, lash out whenever the fog of indifference let up. Always in guard against anything that would make him feel too deeply.
Korbin sighed.
"Loren offered me a job. As assistant. I said yes."
His rusty voice cut through the stillness - not that he could hear it being sliced to ribbons - and looked up. To see how she would respond.
But they can still carry you home
when you are ready to sleep
when you are ready to sleep
