Her honest statement was no surprise, Jigano nodding cautious acceptance of the difficulty in earning her goodwill. It was what he had expected, given her differences with the masked god and the logic she turned against him was, indeed, true. Before he could quite answer, however, she continued - and the revelation left him stunned and speechless for long moments before he remembered to swallow and gave a jerky shake of his head.
"I... haven't spoken with Remi since the volcano. I knew Ludo had asked him to kill for it but... not the rest, no." Oh, the questions that he had to fight to restrain! What and how and why and when. He had seen the alchemist briefly and from a distance at the Festival... had he looked different then? But he wasn't here for Remi, and he shook his head again to dislodge the fog that threatened to overtake his thoughts.
"I don't... no. I don't want to lose myself, or what I've gained. But you and Ludo are both capable of great love. Great knowledge. As are Mort and Vi, you taught me when you showed us the Book in the Glade," he added quietly, a little wistfully. "I have been a weapon and it is... not an existence I wish to return to. I would rather be a lantern in the night. A guide and protector of those souls trapped away from the light of Mort's realm, as Amalia and Ronin serve life for Vi and yourself. But what I want for myself and how I can best serve the Old Gods may not always coincide." A hard truth it had taken two years to come to, watching how others were shaped and pulled by the gods and their own choices down different paths. He was still afraid, but he met her eyes at last, not stubborn but pleading.
"If my loyalty was so easily bought, lady, it would not be worth much. I cannot turn my back on Ludo now just because I have found more light in my life, but if there is a way to gain your forgiveness without betraying my oaths to it, I would like to try and prove my sincerity to you."
"I... haven't spoken with Remi since the volcano. I knew Ludo had asked him to kill for it but... not the rest, no." Oh, the questions that he had to fight to restrain! What and how and why and when. He had seen the alchemist briefly and from a distance at the Festival... had he looked different then? But he wasn't here for Remi, and he shook his head again to dislodge the fog that threatened to overtake his thoughts.
"I don't... no. I don't want to lose myself, or what I've gained. But you and Ludo are both capable of great love. Great knowledge. As are Mort and Vi, you taught me when you showed us the Book in the Glade," he added quietly, a little wistfully. "I have been a weapon and it is... not an existence I wish to return to. I would rather be a lantern in the night. A guide and protector of those souls trapped away from the light of Mort's realm, as Amalia and Ronin serve life for Vi and yourself. But what I want for myself and how I can best serve the Old Gods may not always coincide." A hard truth it had taken two years to come to, watching how others were shaped and pulled by the gods and their own choices down different paths. He was still afraid, but he met her eyes at last, not stubborn but pleading.
"If my loyalty was so easily bought, lady, it would not be worth much. I cannot turn my back on Ludo now just because I have found more light in my life, but if there is a way to gain your forgiveness without betraying my oaths to it, I would like to try and prove my sincerity to you."
