“I want this… very, very badly,” the bard said, voice shaking with the strain of the choice she had presented him. Even if he was allowed to keep the lantern, there was still the pledge he had made to Mort’s service. Still, if he could find a way to walk the balance, to serve life and death, Safrin and Mort… he had already been putting life first, seeking to grant souls their longest span among the living so that they could go to Mort’s halls without regrets, with a lifetime of experiences and memories to share. This spun his worldview around dizzyingly, but not so much that he lost sight of why he had come.
“But… not if it is just to spite Ludo of a follower.” Blue eyes filled with fear and longing met starlit ones as his hands clenched on air, tight enough to dig crescents in his palms. He released them slowly as he exhaled, finding the words that would either bless or damn him. “This offer… this… this gift, I want it to be because I’m worthy of it. Because I’ve earned your respect and your blessings. I came here tonight because there has been too much strife between us before this. Because I haven’t shown you enough respect, and I want to change that. Even so… I know it is arrogant and selfish, but I am asking you… please give me the chance to prove myself to you first. That you take me into your service on my own merits, when you can look upon me without disappointment. Or at least… less disappointment. When I live up to the potential you see in me.” He was as much Abandoned as Attuned now, grown comfortable in his magic after the initial heartache and soul searching of its first blossoming in his soul. He would never be what he had been before that day, never quite so unsullied before the Old Gods as he might once have been, but still he used his magic in their name and against their foes.
But though she had met him with tolerance tonight, she had not welcomed him to her shrine with open arms. Tolerated he might be, but he was not embraced, nor had she yet forgiven him. He had a heavy fence to mend before that happened, he thought, until she could give him her smile and her blessings joyfully as she did Amalia. Work he was willing to do, if she would let him.
And a very difficult conversation to have with Ludo, if the masked god would release him from the pledge he had made in simpler days.
“But… not if it is just to spite Ludo of a follower.” Blue eyes filled with fear and longing met starlit ones as his hands clenched on air, tight enough to dig crescents in his palms. He released them slowly as he exhaled, finding the words that would either bless or damn him. “This offer… this… this gift, I want it to be because I’m worthy of it. Because I’ve earned your respect and your blessings. I came here tonight because there has been too much strife between us before this. Because I haven’t shown you enough respect, and I want to change that. Even so… I know it is arrogant and selfish, but I am asking you… please give me the chance to prove myself to you first. That you take me into your service on my own merits, when you can look upon me without disappointment. Or at least… less disappointment. When I live up to the potential you see in me.” He was as much Abandoned as Attuned now, grown comfortable in his magic after the initial heartache and soul searching of its first blossoming in his soul. He would never be what he had been before that day, never quite so unsullied before the Old Gods as he might once have been, but still he used his magic in their name and against their foes.
But though she had met him with tolerance tonight, she had not welcomed him to her shrine with open arms. Tolerated he might be, but he was not embraced, nor had she yet forgiven him. He had a heavy fence to mend before that happened, he thought, until she could give him her smile and her blessings joyfully as she did Amalia. Work he was willing to do, if she would let him.
And a very difficult conversation to have with Ludo, if the masked god would release him from the pledge he had made in simpler days.
