My Cup of Tea

Kalt’s eyes hardened just slightly when Vervain warned him to stay away from Ashe. Selfishness? No. If he had been selfish, he would’ve revealed himself to her the moment they got to Northaven. Gods, he had so many opportunities to reveal himself, but instead, he remained hidden. He watched her to make sure she was safe, and he fought their Master to keep him as disconnected from Ashetta and her family as he could. If he had been selfish, she never would have been with Jasper, never would have married Alistair. Gods, he fucking wished he had been selfish.       He was about to speak again, to tell the woman behind the bar what the truth was, but he was cut off by the voice of the girl being discussed. His head turned over his shoulder with a small smile he couldn’t help at the sight of Ashe approaching. At her address of him, he simply shrugged nonchalantly, but gave her a confused and strangely satisfied glance at her comment to her mother.       Kalt’s eyes narrowed for a split second, as he brought his gaze back to Vervain, his fingers interlacing together. ”Not just yet,” he murmured. ”You aren’t gonna like what I have to say. I won’t blame you if you wanna break a bottle over my head. Won’t be the first time it’s happened.” He fought back the smirk at the memory of a bar brawl he had started in Northwind. ”But it’s important, and clearly no one has said it yet.”       If there was one thing Kalt was good at, it was talking. He knew what he wanted to say, and he knew how to articulate it. The only problem was getting people to listen to him when what he had to say was a harsh reality. Regardless, it really was important. It really was something that Ashe’s mother and everyone around Ashe just never understood, never heard. That had to end.       He looked at Ashe gently, then turned his gaze back to Vervain. ”You look at her and see the little girl that you knew... You see your daughter. You can see what everyone sees... Vibrant blue eyes...” His eyes flicked to Ashe then. ”So full of life, even when it hurts. A smile that shines brightly enough to guide a ship through a storm... A heart so pure it tears itself to pieces trying to protect the ones it swells for...” It took all of his strength not to kiss her, then and there. His self control was put to the test, but he forced himself to look back to the woman he was actually talking to.       He paused, getting himself back on track. ”It’s beautiful. She needs her mother, as any girl does, but...you’re blind to what else she needs. It’s not selfishness that brought me back. Five hells, she probably wouldn’t even know I was here if I hadn’t had to stop her from going underground.” With everything that Vervain didn’t know, he wondered if she would understand the significance of that, but he didn’t ask. It wasn’t important to the point he was making. ”I love her more than my own breath, that much is true. But that’s not why I came back.       ”She was brought into the Guild at five years old. I was there through everything...her first kill, her first contract and many more after, her training. I was there the first night she was brought in when I had to use my magic to thaw out a little kid who was the size of a peanut.” He didn’t bother hide the grin, as he glanced just briefly to Ashe. Still the size of a peanut. ”Whether you like it or not, twelve years of violence and killing and bloodlust is not something anyone can just walk away from. She can’t rid herself of it through just the want to change, no matter how strongly she wants it. You - or anyone else for that matter - can’t rid her of it by sheer force of love, no matter how strongly you give it. If that was possible, I never would’ve come back. If it was possible for her to walk away, to truly and fully leave that life behind her, I would’ve stayed in the shadows and let her live her life, let her stay married and attend family gatherings and do whatever else it is that having a normal life includes.” And that was true. It was painful, agonizing even to admit, but it was true. If it had been remotely possible for Ashe to be completely free from the life that she had tried so desperately to be free from, he wouldn’t have come back.       ”But that isn’t the case. She needs someone who understands her. I have a daughter, so believe me when I say I understand how much you love her, how much you want to protect her. However, no matter how much you love her, no matter how much Alistair loved her and tried to do right by her... No one could understand her without living the life that she did.” Kalt shook his head slowly and drew a breath. ”That’s why I’m here.” Kalt I  am flesh and I am bone, i rise up, ting ting, like glitter and gold i've got fire in my soul